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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu MIL

27 replies

DaenarysStormborn · 16/09/2020 19:25

So a lot of backstory but I'll try to be brief. MIL and I don't get on. After a big argument last year where I raised the issues with her bullying me, she told me she knew she was rude/had a nasty sense of humour but it was up to me to raise it at the time as she was naturally blunt and had no intention of changing that.

My MIL and her sister turned up today while I'm off sick from work with flu symptoms - fever and vomiting among other things. It could be COVID but I can't get a test. My husband is at work all day. They force their way in, saying they are there to meet the new dog. I tell them I've got the flu and MIL responds to tell me that I look puffy and awful. They guilt trip me over the dog being away from the main room (he is still acclimatising to our household so he's not constantly mixing with the other dogs until he settles). It is worrying that they didn't know I would be home - it makes me wonder whether they regularly let themselves in to our house. The sister has keys because she has previously done jobs for us.

AIBU to not be comfortable with the easy way they are using our spare set? Feel like they are just an emergency set - not a free for all to enter the house.

Backstory - last time they let themselves in was also when I was off sick ages ago so this isn't the first time. Seems like a coincidence that they've only come round twice when my husband is at work and both times I've been home I'll unexpectedly?

I don't know whether to make an issue over this - we only have one spare set - my own mother has (over time) learned to text 5-10 minutes in advance to give some warning. I went upstairs just now and realised they walked past a pile of dirty laundry and I like my house to be clean when people come round but obviously with flu, I've not been up to it.

OP posts:

Knittedfairies · 16/09/2020 19:33

I'd be changing the locks!

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 16/09/2020 19:35

You need to change the locks and NOT let them have a spare set. Who knows how often they’ve let themselves into your home when you’ve not been there.

Shizzlestix · 16/09/2020 19:35

Did they use the keys to get in? Take them off them or change the barrel, about £7. Meet the new dog, wtf? I would have told them to get out. If you did that and they didn’t, your dh can have serious words with them. They sound horrific.

OrigamiOwl · 16/09/2020 19:37

Get the locks changed asap, this is too much of a coincidence.

lazyarse123 · 16/09/2020 19:37

I'd be changing the locks too. Who knows how many times they've been and you weren't aware.

Keeva2017 · 16/09/2020 19:40

Yeah it’s pretty unlikely that you’ve just happened to be off sick on the only occasions they planned an illicit visit to your house. Your dh needs to find his balls now and demand his mum treats you with respect. Whilst he’s doing that you need to be googling locksmiths.

What a pair of entitled bitches! You’re a saint for not kicking them out.

ArthurSidebottom · 16/09/2020 19:41

Change the locks! This is not a one time occurrence. They clearly dont respect your privacy.

cranberryx · 16/09/2020 19:42

I'll bet they haven't just been popped in when you're there OP. Especially if they were surprised that you were home.

I'd change the locks ASAP.
See how long it takes to get a text about it. It'll be sooner than you think.

Spindlicious · 16/09/2020 19:44

Seriously?! Change the locks ffs and don’t give them a set afain!

Curiosity101 · 16/09/2020 19:44

Definitely change the locks. Although if you don't want to go out and buy new locks, then you could potentially just swap the front and back door cylinders if you have standard euro locks.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 16/09/2020 19:46

Change the locks or possibly a new family?

Havaiana · 16/09/2020 19:46

Yep get the locks changed.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 16/09/2020 19:47

Change the locks before you return to work.

Mulhollandmagoo · 16/09/2020 19:51

You need to either ask for your keys back or change your locks!!! And FWIW they sound awful

HorsePellets · 16/09/2020 19:52

Get the locks changed, but shouldn’t your husband be isolating at home with you too?

Original poster

DaenarysStormborn · 16/09/2020 20:02

Okay maybe it's not me making a fuss over nothing.

He could be isolating but we've both already had it (in March as he had antibodies) and his work do mandatory weekly testing and temperature check at the start of every shift. He has no symptoms and came back negative yesterday (6 days after I started have symptoms). His workplace discussed it, risk assessed it and decided to let him in as they are so short staffed and he has no symptoms. We know almost for sure it's not COVID (the doctor thinks it's flu as I said) but my keyworker workplace won't have me back without a negative test for peace of mind and there are none available at all through the website or helpline. My workplace have a limited number of tests and don't feel I should use one of theirs.

Just to add, we are in lockdown so they should not have been in the house at all - but I wanted a fair assessment of the key situation so I didn't add that. I did try to tell them to go away but MIL is a bit unstoppable and I wasn't really up to it earlier as I'm still feeling rubbish.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 16/09/2020 20:04

Change the locks and learn to stand up for yourself

Nottherealslimshady · 16/09/2020 20:14

Change the locks and learn to say no. How did she force her way in? Shut the damn door. Or dont even open the door, open the closest window, tell them it's not a good time and walk off.

damnthatanxiety · 16/09/2020 20:15

Change the locks. Don't tell them. Let them get pissy when they come around and can't get in and then be outraged at them for being so rude.

ChikiTIKI · 16/09/2020 20:40

Change locks.

Hope you recover soon. From the flu and their rudeness.

BlenheimOrange · 16/09/2020 20:43

You can change just the barrel, cheaper than changing the whole lock.

MulticolourMophead · 16/09/2020 20:53

Absolutely change the locks.

And don't let your husband be guilt tripped into giving them a key.

LST · 16/09/2020 20:59

Change the locks! She needs to be told to piss off!

Piffle11 · 16/09/2020 21:12

You need to change the locks. My friend and her DH gave both sets of parents keys to their house for emergencies... when their DD was born, my friend woke up from a nap to find her MIL had entered her bedroom, taken their newborn baby from her crib, and was leaving the room with her. Stand up for yourself now, or you will have them walking over you for the rest of your life.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 16/09/2020 21:14

Get the keys back. "Help SiL! I've lost my keys / locked myself out! I'll be at yours in 10 to pick up the spare set". And then never bother giving her them back

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