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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really sick of the term (xyz) community.

54 replies

Tinkerbell456 · 14/09/2020 22:44

Y’know, maybe this is magical thinking, but can’t we all be one community? Why do we have to be divided into LGBTI, Black, White, AsIan etc. It’s my view that all these groups have a great deal to offer to the communities in which they live. Why do we focus on what divides us instead of what unites us, not least being human? I can understand that people who share a common characteristic are drawn together, but it seems there is an excessive focus on grievances and anger. People seem to be very caught up in one aspect of their identity sometimes, it seems to me, at the expense of other aspects of their lives.

OP posts:
refriedbeanstalk · 14/09/2020 22:49

Yes! All these brown people having opinions. It's not right.

JalapenoDave · 14/09/2020 22:49

I hear you OP. The more labels society has churned out the more people are becoming divided. It shouldn't be like that. Let people be people, and be who you want to be. I wish we could all get on but sadly that's not how the world seems to work.

RedTitsMcGinty · 14/09/2020 22:51

Huh. Do you think maybe it’s because there are certain demographics who face discrimination and bias on a regular basis?

DimidDavilby · 14/09/2020 23:04

Fuck. Me.

Personally I'm sick of the boring opinions of frustrated racists.

DimidDavilby · 14/09/2020 23:05

At least it's so deeply obvious how stupid you all are. Silver linings.

Original poster
Tinkerbell456 · 14/09/2020 23:05

Admittedly, I haven’t experienced prejudice. Totally agree that I don’t know what that would be like. I suppose when I said that people who share a common characteristic are drawn together, I meant drawn together by common experience. Only natural. That experience being prejudice, disadvantage and even violence simply for being who they are. Of course that’s wrong, and of course it leads to divisions. Not sure where I said that brown people having opinions is not right. Of course “brown“ people should be able to have and express opinions. Not sure how you would stop them or why.

OP posts:
ThePlantsitter · 14/09/2020 23:06

It is magical thinking yes. 'why can't we all be one community?' sounds like 'why can't you just shut up and leave things the way that suits me?' to oppressed people.

Sanitisethat · 14/09/2020 23:10

I’m honestly bored to tears of this meaningless drivel. Vacuous, empty statements about ‘focusing on what divides us’ and people being caught up in their identities.

Do you know what really divides people, Tinkerbell? Slavery. Police brutality. Sexism in the workplace. Homophobia. Institutionalised racism. Corrective rape. Conversion therapy. The glass ceiling. Islamophobia. Racism in healthcare. Once the ramifications of these issues have actually been addressed in some kind of adequate way, maybe there will be space for you to whine about how people acknowledging their identities makes you feel uncomfortable.

Original poster
Tinkerbell456 · 14/09/2020 23:10

Er, no. Everyone has something to contribute. Believe I said that.

OP posts:
ThePlantsitter · 14/09/2020 23:13

Right but what if the contribution is saying 'this one big community is treating me and people like me badly and I don't like it'? Is that just not something you want to hear or so you not believe it's happening?

Original poster
Tinkerbell456 · 14/09/2020 23:14

Sorry, my last post was to plantsitter. Yes, obviously all the horrible crimes you mention divide people. My point is, and I realise I’m dreaming, is that these things would never, ever happen in an ideal world. Sadly, we don’t in an ideal world. I realise that.

OP posts:
Dawnlassie · 14/09/2020 23:15

100% agree op. Unfortuantely this shit will be around for years.

ThePlantsitter · 14/09/2020 23:16

The way to an ideal world is by highlighting what prevents it being so, not by ignoring it. Expecting anything else is, as you suggest,. Magical Thinking.

Original poster
Tinkerbell456 · 14/09/2020 23:18

Sorry Plantsitter- keep cross posting. I do believe it’s happening. Absolutely. If I encountered such issues, I would be furiously angry. I would indeed have a massive chip on my shoulder. Who wouldn’t? I realise that I am privileged to not have had to,deal,with these issues. Very privileged. My point is that I wish no one had to deal with this stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinkerbell456 · 14/09/2020 23:19

Also, yes this stuff occurs and I don’t think it’s going to end anytime soon. Doesn’t mean we all don’t keep trying.

OP posts:
anarr · 14/09/2020 23:20

There's nothing wrong with having differences, those communities are there so they can support and be supported by people they relate to but just because someone is part of a community doesn't mean they don't integrate with all sorts of different people. Fact is not everyone thinks we can be one big community and that's why these communities exist to begin with

ThePlantsitter · 14/09/2020 23:21

Ok but your point was you were sick of the terms people use to talk about it and that they focus on grievances Confused.

So in fact you're not then? You just wish they didn't have to? Um, ok.

Original poster
Tinkerbell456 · 14/09/2020 23:26

Maybe I didn’t express myself well. Hopefully clearer now. No, I don’t want the status quo to go on at all.

OP posts:
Vigoro · 14/09/2020 23:35

Basically this boils down to 'if we stop talking about prejudice, maybe it'll go away'.

So yes, magical thinking.

MagentaRocks · 14/09/2020 23:41

I feel incredibly lucky that I am in a group that doesn’t need to have a ‘community’ that would support me when facing prejudice. I cannot imagine how it would feel to be judged by the colour of my skin or my sexuality, not only occasionally but every day, and not just the overt prejudice but the sly, supposedly minor stuff that I might think is minor but to the person on the receiving end it most certainly isn’t.

If people feel supported by being in a community then let’s not try and take that away. Yes in an ideal world it wouldn’t be needed but that won’t happen in our life time.

Kaiserin · 14/09/2020 23:44

Identity politics is a poison, and this thread is the perfect illustration.

I, for one (a minority demographic with protected characteristics according to various criteria), hate the idea of being bundled with and assimilated to "my community" (which one?).

Individuals are individuals. Communities overlap and are not homogeneous groups where everyone thinks and feels the same. And yet we're all one species, sharing the same planet.

Divide and rule only serves a few, most people lose from it. It's a distraction technique, to draw attention away from the small elite which abuses us all.

FOJN · 15/09/2020 00:04

You've learnt that an attempt at a good faith discussion will be shut down with accusations of bigotry which is a great shame. I completely agree with Kaiserin, identity politics is poison but that shouldn't mean it's impossible to have conversations about discrimination, unfortunately it does seem to.

Meanwhile in the states two entrepeneurial black women have purchased 97 acres of land with the intention starting a city exclusively for black people........ white supremacists have been arguing for a white ethnostate for years, looks like things are heading that way. Who would have thought BLM would make segregation fashionable again We're going backwards not forwards, I'd weep if I wasn't so shocked by this appalling turn of events.

For anyone not convinced it would be worth googling "Evergreen College" for an example of the potential shit show that can arise from identity politics.

Stinkerbells · 15/09/2020 00:14

Well said Kaiserin.

I agree Tinkerbell, society should be inclusive of everyone. Instead of identity politics and division tactics ‘white person’ ‘black person’ ‘asian person’ we are all just people.

There could be a small number of people who might chose to stir the pot, however there are a lot of decent people who already welcome a move away from segregation and embrace that we are one.

Linning · 15/09/2020 00:41

But humans are divided by pretty much any characteristic, yes I am human and technically (and in an ideal world) it should be enough for people to welcome me and accept me as one of their own, in reality the fact that I am neither white nor straight is enough for other 'humans' to reject me, abuse me and wish me dead and for them to actively or passively participate in me having a poorer quality of life.

When I say I am part of the ''black community'' or ''LGBTQ+ community'' I am not saying, I don't belong with the rest of the people, I am stating ''those are the communities who accept parts of me and welcome me based on those characteristics and can relate to those specific struggles, understand them and have (usually) the most at heart to find solutions''

I too wish for a world where my value and quality of life wouldn't depend on my race or sexuality (or even the fact that I am woman) but that's not the world we live in do we?

It's easy if you haven't suffered prejudice and aren't prejudiced to not understand, but understand that if minorities do this it's because minorities have been PUSHED to segregate and look out for themselves by themselves. I get the whole ''can't we just be one big family'' and my answer as a member of the ''black and queer community'' is genuinely I SO VERY WISH, but it's not up to me, it's up to the leader of the packs, the ones who have forced us to segregate and use those ''communities'' as sole support and safety net (mostly white, straight folks).

Linning · 15/09/2020 00:51

@Stinkerbells

Well said Kaiserin.

I agree Tinkerbell, society should be inclusive of everyone. Instead of identity politics and division tactics ‘white person’ ‘black person’ ‘asian person’ we are all just people.

There could be a small number of people who might chose to stir the pot, however there are a lot of decent people who already welcome a move away from segregation and embrace that we are one.

But we ''aren't one'', saying you are one with others when you don't have to face even a 10th of their suffering isn't ''being one'' it's being blind to colors and prejudice and it helps absolutely no one to pretend everything is fine when it's not. Minorities need people to acknowledge how poorly they are being treated how intolerable it is and stand up against it, that's the only way we could ever be ''one''.

You can't pretend I am one with straight people when straight people don't have to google whether their travel destination is accepting of their sexuality, when they don't have to deal with ''rape correction'', gay therapy and potential jail time or murder based on liking the same-sex. You can't pretend I am one with white people when white people don't have to fear for police brutality on the basis of their skin color, don't have to teach their (white) sons and daughters about racism and how it will affect their life and interactions throughout their entire life. Until white people, straight people, men etc... are treated and have access to more rights and freedom than me, we absolutely aren't and can't be one, and pretending we are is offensive at best.

Yes, society SHOULD be inclusive of everyone, but it's not, and the few decent people who chose to be colorblind instead of going a step further and acting in favor of minorities aren't actually helping. It's lovely you make no difference but people's personal opinion of POC, homosexuals etc... ultimately mean very little when it's not the norm and the status quo, if you wanting for everyone to be one and want this to be the status quo, what action are you taking to make sure it happens? (on a global level not just in your personal life) that's what minority needs, because I am mixed (from both white and black parents and I am under no illusion that we are very much not one, I don't have to step outside my family unit to find that out, unfortunately and the rest of my life experience have yet to teach me or show me otherwise, unfortunately).