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Original poster

Do you still love your children the same when they are teenagers?

144 replies

ThereSheGoes1419 · 14/09/2020 12:27

DC are 5 and 1. Of course I know that I will still love them when they are teens, but will I still love them as intensely as I do now? Currently they depend on me for everything, and they are so bloody cute that I just want to pick them up and squeeze them. I look at them laying in their beds at night and my heart feels so full. Is it the same when they become teenagers?

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 14/09/2020 20:21

Almost a year ago today.... I wrote this thread and it got some gorgeous replies.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3697473-I-wish-I-knew-this-when-my-children-were-younger?msgid=90227740

rosieposiepud · 14/09/2020 20:23

I absolutely totally love my teens (13 and 16). Life would be pointless without them they bring so much fun, gossip, angst, tales about friends, new experiences. I still get hugs even from my big 6ft 4 boy. You also get your life back and can leave them alone for periods of time so you get your me time and couple time back.

Velvetlover65 · 14/09/2020 20:26

The minute i had my dd i realised how much my mum and dad loved me my whole life and how that it never changes, It anything the love grows.

rosieposiepud · 14/09/2020 20:26

@FuzzyPuffling
* At every age I thought "Oh don;t grow up any more, I love you best as you are now" and then they grew up and I thought exactly the same!*

I so agree with this.

AnathemaPulsifer · 14/09/2020 20:59

I loved them as much at every stage. Now in their teens they’re excellent company and we do things I genuinely enjoy rather than things that are selected for their enjoyment that I used to enjoy through them. I still kiss them goodnight in bed every night, and they still tell me they love me more than anyone else in the whole world.

TheStarOnTheChristmasTree · 14/09/2020 21:13

I have DC age 23, 20 and 13 and yes the love got stronger throughout the years spent with them. When I drop them off somewhere, school, work, pub, etc. I always sit and watch them walking in and I feel this overwhelming love for them and I can't believe how bloody fantastic they are. I think it's the equivalent of watching them sleep when they were small.

FlippinNoah · 14/09/2020 21:23

Your relationships change as they go through different ages and I'd say the love changes as they get older - but never lessens. I have a 27 year old, a teenager and a 9 year old, I'd take a bullet for any of them. We've had a blast during lock down, they are all completely different personalities but a joy and a privilege to be with.

SulkingRoomPunk · 15/09/2020 02:12

I knew this thread would go OTT.

DaenerysD · 15/09/2020 02:23

@WiserOlder

I'm struggling to love my 14 year old son right now. He is such a moody little brat, ungrateful, hostile, rude, won't do anything I ask him. Any question, even ''do you want pasta?'' is greeted with a ''what kind of stupid question is that'' face.

:-/

Same. And worse. I miss my boy and dislike the almost 15 yr old I have nowadays...
Flipswhitefudge · 15/09/2020 02:40

Yes you do, but my God they are so much more frustrating with the moodiness, stating every opinion they have is100% fact and that parents have NO IDEA.

Disclaimer= I have 4 moody teenagers!

Gladgreengrass · 15/09/2020 02:52

I don't think the pp was saying her child was unlikeable was she? She was saying that their behaviour sometimes was, and that's a very different thing.

My teen can be very difficult and drives me to despair some of the time and other times she is a delight! The roller coaster is a bit exhausting! But I still love her viscerally ifyswim and I love looking at her face and seeing her smile. They certainly need you emotionally during adolescence but I think it's very important they are supported to be free and independent too and not smothered. It's a difficult balance to strike.

littlemsattitude · 15/09/2020 03:05

Yes. He's smart, funny, clever, we have great discussions and chats and he's often got more insight into something than I have and offers a different perspective. He can also be downright rude and push the boundaries at times but he knows when he's wrong and will apologise willingly. We had a row last night when we were both partially in the wrong and we sorted it out, we both admitted it how it hurt and said sorry and that was that. I love him just as much as my pre-teen and adult dc.

Gladgreengrass · 15/09/2020 03:07

I knew this thread would go OTT

Whereas it's ok to admit you are finding toddlers exhausting, it's not so acceptable somehow to admit you are having difficulties with your teens, so I think people are less open about it.

And it is possible to have a difficult teen and still love the very bones of them. So it's complicated.

Also, I think people perhaps have better relationships with their teens nowadays because we are more knowledgeable about parenting and early years development, and our relationships with our parents are closer than when I was a child because our children aren't disciplined through fear.

IHateCoronavirus · 15/09/2020 03:16

@PurplePattern

Yes, you do love them just as much, but honestly for me, not the same. The love you have for them when they are so young and so dependant on you for everything is most definitely a different kind of love.

I'm not saying the love is in any way less, but it does evolve - as it should, because how else will you be able to let them go and live their own lives ha ha. With my first as a baby I couldn't bear to let him out of my sight, now as a teenager I'm happy for him to go on school trips abroad etc. So for me definitely not the same, but still just as much!

This exactly. My eldest is 15, my youngest is 4, I also have a 13 and 11yo. I love them all without question but with time the love evolves from one of attachment and innocence to one of appreciation and pride.

For example. My eldest towers over me and has the best sense of humour. He is also the most wonderful person with his youngest sibling and I look at him and I am filled with awe. I can see the man he is becoming. If he chooses to, he will be the most amazing father one day.

My youngest is just the cutest squidge of a boy. He is learning something new everyday and making sense of his world. As such he comes out with the most adorable things. I am more tactile with him (and possibly his sister as she still enjoys it) Smile

If I am away from them for any time it is he I am desperate to come home to I physically ache to be with him, just as I did when his siblings were small.

With the older ones I Look forward to hearing about their days. I worry that they are making the choices that are in their best interests. I hope that they are happy and it breaks my heart when they aren’t. I feel more frustrated at times because the solutions to their problems are less black and white. I can no longer distract them with a cuddle and a story. I am more aware of time. So if they are late etc or something unexpected holds them up that urgency rushes back but until that point being separate is more manageable than when they were small.

I guess what I’m trying to say is our love is what it needs to be to help our children grown into secure well adjusted adult (hopefully). If our love didn’t change with their stages of development we would probably smother them.

I wish I could visit each of their life stages again and just see them as they were. Each stage has been amazing and filled with love.

Mintjulia · 15/09/2020 03:32

If possible I love ds more.

He's just as beautiful and loving and funny, but he's great company too.

EagleSqueak · 15/09/2020 03:32

When I was 14 I remember asking my Mum if she liked us as much as she did when we were little. She told me that she enjoyed every stage of our childhood, that there were harder and easier bits at every stage, but she loved us just the same all the way through.
I’ve found that with my DDs who are all in their 20s now. I adore them just as I did when they were babies, but the relationship changes as they get older and you find you’re ready for those changes when they happen.
I wasn’t sure I’d enjoy the teen years, but I was lucky in that mine never really became moody or unpleasant (we’re still waiting for Dd2 to have the ‘terrible twos’) and I found those years so much fun, watching them and their friends developing into funny, independent people, but I did find the late teen years harder when they were going out at night and forgetting to tell me when/if they were coming home. The sleepless nights were almost worse then than when they were babies!
I look at them now and wish I could go back and do it all again, it’s all been a lot of fun and I definitely feel as much love for them as I did when they were babies.

Halfwreckedbykids · 15/09/2020 07:23

Its so lovely to read these posts.
I ve 1 teenager and i lover her more every day. We re planing a trip away when the world returns to normal.

Shes funny, kind level headed but still hugs and cuddles me.
Its hard to believe when they re small that you ll love them more but you do.
I m amazed by her person..i wonder at everything she does.
My smaller ones are pre teens and i can see them changing and becoming independent.

Its truly amazing but its a big shock when you can look at your child straight in the eye and know that soon they ll be taller.
God i m soppy today but i read once that "someday you will pick up and carry your child for the last time. You wont realise it but it will happen" i cant pick mine up anymore because they re too big, i d love to relive a day of them as younger kids...knowing that they re really special

Bookaholic73 · 15/09/2020 07:26

Yes of course!
It’s lovely to see them grow and develop their own character, friendships, lives. It’s much more rewarding than when they are younger, as you get to have actual conversations with them and listen to their thoughts and feelings about things.

I much prefer my children now they are teenagers!

Bbq1 · 15/09/2020 07:33

Of course! My ds is 15 and I love him to bits. He's means the world to us and i love him so much. He is an amazing boy, we are very blessed.

Pesimistic · 15/09/2020 07:42

Post like this make me sad and excited for the future with son, I dont want to let go of his childhood but I am equally as excited to watch him grow, I think it's going to be tough looking back when I'm old and remembering him as a little kid and how much fun we had and are havin, but that it's gone and not coming back.

Prettybluepigeons · 15/09/2020 07:44

Yes but you have to rein yourself in a bit! But secretly you still want to squidge them!

AlecTrevelyan006 · 15/09/2020 07:47

Teenagers get a bad press - most of them are absolutely fine

MadameBlobby · 15/09/2020 07:52

Yes you do. My eldest is 14 and you see the shoots now of the fine young man he’s going to become and I just love him to bits

MarshaBradyo · 15/09/2020 07:54

Yes and agree teenagers get bad press

MarshaBradyo · 15/09/2020 07:55

I hadn’t imagined what it would be like to see them at this age, it really brings its own lovely things