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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you still love your children the same when they are teenagers?

144 replies

ThereSheGoes1419 · 14/09/2020 12:27

DC are 5 and 1. Of course I know that I will still love them when they are teens, but will I still love them as intensely as I do now? Currently they depend on me for everything, and they are so bloody cute that I just want to pick them up and squeeze them. I look at them laying in their beds at night and my heart feels so full. Is it the same when they become teenagers?

OP posts:

AlternativePerspective · 14/09/2020 13:43

Yes I love mine more than the world.

And I love that we can have conversations, discuss the news, talk about other things and we have many interests in common e.g. cooking/music so he knows that if he says “I reckon we should get a ” there’s a chance I will agree.

I went through major health issues last year, had a cardiac arrest and heart surgery and time in ICU, and DS was always my focus. I talked to everyone about him, and the guilt I felt at coming into hospital while he was doing his GCSE’s. I came round the morning after a cardiac arrest and my first thought was DS and my mum instinctively told me that he’d gone to his other grandparents as had previously been arranged and was ok. I spoke to him as soon as I was with it enough to do so. Similarly after I came round from my surgery I remember trying to articulate “has anyone told DS/spoken to him after his exam?”

Before I went down for the surgery I made my family promise that they’d look after him if I didn’t come back. Bearing in mind he Was sixteen then so doesn’t need looking after in the same way but still does, iyswim.

And for the people who say that you might not always like the way teenagers behave, I think it’s fair to say we don’t always like the way toddlers behave either.

Give me a teenager any day of the week now, but you couldn’t even pay me to have another baby.

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/09/2020 13:45

I have a teenager and a toddler atm. Both are funny, insightful, helpful, interesting, clever, tremendously stupid, and annoying, in their own ways.

I relate to them differently but I love DS1 the same as I love DS2.❤

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 14/09/2020 13:48

@Choccyp1g. I can relate to that.🤣

I love mine dearly but the cuddly feelings I had when they were little has waned- when I’d have a sudden desire to scoop them up and hug them to bits. Now they’re taller than me and can lift me up....DS sometimes smells abit too; DD is more hygienic.🤣

Chosennone · 14/09/2020 13:49

Adore my 2 teens. 15 and 13. It's much easier practically and I ways had to force baking/craft etc. We make an effort to do stuff they like. Pizza night in front of Netflix, theme parks. They still like hanging out with us at the weekend... ish! My DS is more private and independent and DD will happily talk to me about boys/sex/ drugs etc....
But ... I do worry more. Friendship issues, potential relationships, drugs and sex!

Laiste · 14/09/2020 13:54

3 of mine are early 20s now, but my youngest is is 6 :)

The big ones? Well - i'll not be wanting to nibble their toes again like i did when they were tiny thanks very much! But yes i love them just as much.

For me, with the young adult DCs it's less of a 'i want to eat you and sniff you and squeeze you'' and more of a ''i will always love you and be there for you whenever you need me. And i'm SO proud of who you are!''

84claire84 · 14/09/2020 13:55

Yes you will. You'll love them in a different way.

I absolutely adore my teenage daughter, she's an amazing soul

SulkingRoomPunk · 14/09/2020 13:55

Remember Mumsnet is the home of the I’d-die-and-kill-for-my-DC-and-throw-DH-under-a-bus brigade so you’re not going to get a wide range of answers

celerystix · 14/09/2020 13:57

@CaptainAthena same here. My mother used to tell me she loved me but didn't like me. My teenage brain didn't understand that.
We're not close now and live in different countries.

AccountCreateUsername · 14/09/2020 13:57

Totally - my teen DS is amazing! I LOVE his company and he’s much more rational than when he was 2!

Laiste · 14/09/2020 14:09

Love can be different over time but just as strong. Stronger even? The way you feel about your partner at year 10 compared to year 2, for example? (IF you're still in love!)

Even, OP, the way you feel about a one year old compared to a 5 year old. It does alter slightly as the years go on. Tiny babies can be draining and exhausting but the love you feel is so fierce - they're yours and they need protecting! At 5, that's still true but they have a personality and you start to love them and show your love for them in ways which they enjoy and return. That's just how it keeps changing when they get older.

VirginiaWolverine · 14/09/2020 14:16

DD is about to turn 14, and I love her so much! When she was little, the live was often about physical closeness, and me looking after her, but now, as she grows up and becomes more independent, it feels a lot more mutual - I will spend time with her like a friend and talk about shared interests and do things we both enjoy together, and while I'm still very much a parent, she will also do things to support and care for me, which is lovely.

BiBabbles · 14/09/2020 14:17

I love them the same and still look adorable when sleeping or all curled up in a duvet in a chair.

Most of the time I like them more than I did when they were small. More personality, far less draining and they can help out/clean up after themselves more, and better emotional control - most of the time. Also, I'm just in a better place mentally than when I had 4 under 8.

AtiaoftheJulii · 14/09/2020 14:23

Yes.

My son is 19 and back in his uni city, which is one of the places with stricter coronavirus restrictions. I'm seeing him on Friday (not in his house) and I'm already a bit tearful that I won't be able to give him a hug.
(HCP so feel that I'm a higher risk of passing stuff on, and also want to set a good example as I want him to be as sensible as possible!)

GetUpAgain · 14/09/2020 14:25

God guess you truly do! It's even more precious because all babies are squishy and all littluns are cute and funny. But teenagers are gross, so when your own teenager turns out to be kind and loving and funny, its just gorgeous.

MissConductUS · 14/09/2020 14:25

Yes, of course. Mine are now 18 and 20 and of course the relationship has changed, but the love and caring and delight in who they are remains the same.

DS is off at uni and we miss him a lot, but we Zoom call with him every Sunday.

BooseysMom · 14/09/2020 14:32

@siblingrevelryagain.. sorry to hear about your Dad. Your son sounds truly fantastic. I hope mine will be somewhere near that in the future. He's 6 and I love him so much. He's my only so I find I'm really over-protective and have to reign it in a little. Lord knows what I'll be like when he finally flies the nest! He's still little enough to need a cuddle from mum even though he's all legs and curling up on my lap isn't so easy any more!

Whatisthisfuckery · 14/09/2020 14:32

Of course you still love them as much, you just relate to each other in a different way. They become people with their own personalities, and instead of holding their hands across the road you guide them in different ways. You still want to do things for them but it’s different things to when they’re small.

ElephantsAlltheWayDown · 14/09/2020 14:38

The way the love feels changes. It's not that same fierce, almost painful love that you feel for small children (we probably feel that way because we need to protect them). Instead it deepens into an appreciation of their full personality. You can't begin imagine how complex your five year old will be in ten years! So while the love feels different, I would say if anything it's even deeper and stronger than before.

corythatwas · 14/09/2020 14:42

My 20yo has just surfaced: I can hear him frying eggs in the kitchen. Heart swelling with love and pride! Yes, it's a less protective love, of course it is. But then again, I have also experienced the pride and joy in seeing him, in times of need, being strong and protecting me.

VettiyaIruken · 14/09/2020 14:42

Mine are 20 and 21 and if they let me, I'd still be squishing them and watching them sleep. 😁

I look at them now, a clear foot and more taller than I am and I think how have my tiny babies become these MASSIVE blokes?

Then I force them to listen to me telling them, yet again, that their big toe is larger than their entire foot when the were born. Normally while holding said big toe.
They're very patient with me but I suspect are already ordering care home brochures 😂

Marzipan12 · 14/09/2020 14:42

It gets stronger in my opinion. I have an amazing bond with my 12 year old ds, it has always been strong but it has got stronger the older he gets. He still makes my heart Melt and burst with pride. I still see that little boy when I look at him even tho he towers me now. He is my son and love grows as he grows.

bustybetty · 14/09/2020 14:42

I think I prefer my teens, I love seeing them drive, go to work and enjoy the freedoms that brings. Every stage is a worry as a parent but I have to say I love my four teens and am enjoying this more than when I was run ragged having 4 under 8's!

earthyfire · 14/09/2020 14:49

My son is 13 now has his minor grumpy moments but yes I absolutely do love him as much as I did when he was little. He needs me emotionally. I also love spending 121 time with him such as cooking, chatting etc. He still hugs me and... he helps around the house now too. 😂

Hardbackwriter · 14/09/2020 15:24

This is such a lovely thread! When DS was born, and I was in a mad hormonal haze of love and emotion, I apologised to my parents for every time I said I'd text when I got there when I was driving somewhere as a teenager and never did, because I suddenly realised what that might have felt like...

Hardbackwriter · 14/09/2020 15:24

(Mum said 'have you had a nap since the birth, love? Do you think you need a nap' )

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