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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Turn your bloody phone off!

70 replies

Poptart4 · 12/09/2020 15:08

Ok so this is kind of a TAAT.

Theres a thread about an op being upset that her DSD's mam had text her husband at 2am to change childcare plans. The op was upset that the text woke them up.

I really think that if you dont want someone to call or text you at certain times then it's up to you to turn your bloody phone off! I really cant stand people who complain when someone tries to contact them at inconvenient moments.

A friend of mine (let's call her A) was once fuming because her other friend (lets call her B) had called her in the middle of a funeral. She was embarrassed because the whole church turned and looked at her. A was so angry with B for calling her that they had a falling out for awhile. Keep in mind that B had no idea A was at a funeral.

In my opinion A had no right to be angry at B and should have turned her phone off for the funeral.

OP posts:

JustMeUnderATree · 12/09/2020 15:17

It's not really comparative and I read the other thread and I side with the OP on that.

If you're in church, whether for a funeral/wedding/normal worship, you switch off your phone unless you have people looking after your kids and then you go on vibrate or not go.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 12/09/2020 15:30

You don't need to turn it off at night. Do not disturb is perfect. No notifications but calls can still come through (depends on set up).

But yeah. People really need to learn to turn their phones off during important events.

Freixene · 12/09/2020 15:34

Absolutely. People need to take responsibility for themselves rather than relying on people to mind read about where they are/what time they go to bed, etc

NoMoreReluctantCustodians · 12/09/2020 16:33

Funeral turn phone off or DND. I DND at night but no you shouldn't text somebody at 2am.

cologne4711 · 12/09/2020 16:35

Yes turn your phone off. Or leave it downstairs (or in another room if you live in a bungalow/flat).

Do you really need to take your phone to bed with you?

(hint: alarm clocks exist)

MomToTwoBabas · 12/09/2020 16:41

Agree with you OP.

Glendaruel · 12/09/2020 16:41

If I was at funeral, it's my responsibility to turn off phone and ride of I didn't turn it off. But a text at 2am would irritate me. I have to take phone to bed and not silence it as I'm keyholder for work and can be called out. Fortunately most people don't text me at that time.

Original poster

Poptart4 · 12/09/2020 17:20

She probably texted at 2am thinking they would see it in the morning. It's not the texter's fault the receiver didnt turn their phone off.

There was a time not that long ago people lived without mobile phones. Theres no reason to have your phone on all night and if you do its YOUR fault when someone wakes you up.

OP posts:

nocoolnamesleft · 12/09/2020 17:22

Some of us can't turn our bloody phones off because that's how the bloody hospital contacts us in an emergency.

caulioccolii · 12/09/2020 17:25

I think it's the texters / ringers responsibility to know that 2am is not an acceptable time.
Yes I take my phone everywhere- yes it's on ring- yes I'd turn it off or onto vibrate at a function. But I also have the phone for emergencies and it's no bloody good at 2am if someone is trying to reach me ( stuck, poorly, in trouble) and it's turned off!

Gelop · 12/09/2020 17:25

You can set it up, so text messages don't come through but phone calls do.
My phone is never off, but I embrace do not disturb at night as have friends in different time zones, ridiculous for people to get pissy about text messages.

Twigletfairy · 12/09/2020 17:27

It's not the receivers fault the texter sent it at 2am!

It's inconsiderate to message at that time. If they're not expecting it to be read until the morning, why can't they send it in the morning.

Many people may keep their phones on loud in case of emergencies. For example i work evenings and nights. So my husband keeps his phone on loud when he goes to bed in case I need to get hold of him in an emergency

You sound like the sort of person that would be a victim blamer

Sunnydaysstillhere · 12/09/2020 17:31

My adult ds has mh problems.. I used to have my phone always on silent after 11pm . One night luckily I didn't. Ds wanted me there. Turned up to a glass of mixed pills. Thank fuck my phone was on.
Gets left on now but notifications for email etc off.

Topseyt · 12/09/2020 17:33

No need whatsoever to turn the phone off. Use the Do Not Disturb function for overnight. You can set the hours you want it to operate. If you are worried about family members needing to get hold of you in an emergency you can also set it to allow certain selected numbers to ring but nothing else. Mine is set to allow the numbers of my close family only.

Failing that, just set it to silent mode.

People need to learn to use the functionality of their phones.

I agree with you. Everyone who has a phone has a responsibility to ensure that it is set appropriately for the surroundings they are in.

For a funeral, wedding etc. I would put mine on silent and keep it in my bag. At night I use the Do Not Disturb function.

BunnyLovesBananas · 12/09/2020 17:34

@JustMeUnderATree

It's not really comparative and I read the other thread and I side with the OP on that.

If you're in church, whether for a funeral/wedding/normal worship, you switch off your phone unless you have people looking after your kids and then you go on vibrate or not go.

I agree with this.

I have my phone on silent at night so that notifications do not wake me but some people will have reason to keep their phones / notifications on at all times and it is a bit rude for someone to text in the middle of the night.

Regarding being in church service then of course you should turn your phone off. There is no reason that everyone who might contact you would know that it's a bad time.

nocoolnamesleft · 12/09/2020 17:39

Nope, dnd doesn't work because the hospital number is withheld as it goes through a switchboard.

canihaveabrew · 12/09/2020 17:40

The thought of having a phone on silent at night stresses me out.

What if a relative goes into hospital/is in an accident/dies?

Sometimes it just isn't logical to put your phone on silent and there's a massive wall when it comes to posters who don't agree.

I will never (nor will most people I know) turn my phone off at night in case I am needed. I could never forgive myself if my Mum had an accident/was admitted to hospital/someone needed me and I slept through it.

I'm with the OP from the other post, don't text at stupid o'clock unless it's important!

Gelop · 12/09/2020 17:43

Why wouldn't dnd disturb work? Put dnd disturb on for messages, off for calls, people are unlikely to ring you in the middle of the night unless it's an emergency but may text as it's asynchronous. You wont get disturbed by messages and calls will come through.

OlympicProcrastinator · 12/09/2020 17:45

How on earth is it YOUR fault if someone ELSE disturbs you!?? People should be able to have their phone on for emergencies without some inconsiderate twat thinking 2am is an acceptable time to contact someone.

I have the keys to work and as a manager I have the responsibility to attend if the alarm goes off or the night staff are in trouble or don’t show etc etc so I have to keep my phone on just in case. I also keep it on if my teens stay out in case of emergency or want picking up.

People shouldn’t have to turn their phones off because others think they can contact them at stupid times.

Topseyt · 12/09/2020 17:46

@canihaveabrew

The thought of having a phone on silent at night stresses me out.

What if a relative goes into hospital/is in an accident/dies?

Sometimes it just isn't logical to put your phone on silent and there's a massive wall when it comes to posters who don't agree.

I'm with the OP from the other post, don't text at stupid o'clock unless it's important!

This is what the Do Not Disturb function is for. Set it to come on at a given time at night and go off at an acceptable time the next day.

Set it so that only the numbers you have selected to be allowed through will ring. So your Mum's number, and those of trusted close family members for instance. That is how mine is set.

If you have a smartphone you will have a Do Not Disturb function.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 12/09/2020 17:50

@nocoolnamesleft

Nope, dnd doesn't work because the hospital number is withheld as it goes through a switchboard.

Just put allow from anyone, that should be fine.

iklboo · 12/09/2020 18:42

Just put allow from anyone, that should be fine.

Then doesn't that defeat the object?

Anyonebut · 12/09/2020 18:46

Generally, DND function is/can be set to be overriden if anyone calls 3 times within 5 minutes.

Mother2princess · 12/09/2020 18:49

Your friend should have turned her phone off it’s not hard

SchrodingersImmigrant · 12/09/2020 19:02

@iklboo

Just put allow from anyone, that should be fine.

Then doesn't that defeat the object?

Notifications are still quiet.

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