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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Turn your bloody phone off!

70 replies

Poptart4 · 12/09/2020 15:08

Ok so this is kind of a TAAT.

Theres a thread about an op being upset that her DSD's mam had text her husband at 2am to change childcare plans. The op was upset that the text woke them up.

I really think that if you dont want someone to call or text you at certain times then it's up to you to turn your bloody phone off! I really cant stand people who complain when someone tries to contact them at inconvenient moments.

A friend of mine (let's call her A) was once fuming because her other friend (lets call her B) had called her in the middle of a funeral. She was embarrassed because the whole church turned and looked at her. A was so angry with B for calling her that they had a falling out for awhile. Keep in mind that B had no idea A was at a funeral.

In my opinion A had no right to be angry at B and should have turned her phone off for the funeral.

OP posts:

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/09/2020 19:02

There was a time not that long ago people lived without mobile phones.

And a time before that when we lived without computers. And before that when landlines were a luxury. I really don’t see your point here. Are you suggesting that because we can manage without our mobiles at night, people should feel free to text or call said mobile at any time? Why can’t those people manage without their mobile until the morning?

vanillandhoney · 12/09/2020 19:13

I'm with the OP from the other post, don't text at stupid o'clock unless it's important!

But you can send a text at 7pm and have it not arrive until 2am. I live in an area with very dodgy signal - it happens several times a week. That's nobody's fault - it's just one of those things.

If you don't want to be disturbed overnight, it's your responsibility to turn your phone off, or change your settings so that only certain numbers can get through.

DoubleDessertPlease · 12/09/2020 19:27

I have mine set on DND overnight automatically, but it will override if someone phones more than once (e.g. an emergency etc).

BamboozledandBefuddled · 12/09/2020 19:42

@Poptart4

She probably texted at 2am thinking they would see it in the morning. It's not the texter's fault the receiver didnt turn their phone off.

There was a time not that long ago people lived without mobile phones. Theres no reason to have your phone on all night and if you do its YOUR fault when someone wakes you up.

Well as it's not that long since we lived without mobiles, people should be able to restrain themselves for a few hours and not send texts at ridiculous times. Claiming it's my fault if someone wakes me is sheer stupidity. If anyone sent me a text at 2 am, they really wouldn't like the phone call they'd be getting in reply to it.

Rewis · 12/09/2020 20:35

I agree.
That being said, I do think people should show some consideration regarding the time when sending texts/calling but in the end it is the phone owners responsibility to made adjustments if they do not want t9 be disturbed.

Cryalot2 · 12/09/2020 21:25

I keep my phone on silent and at night vib .
You can set your phone to not have notified between certain times .
That said dh always has his phone on and he is one of those people whose phone rings ( awful loud annoying sound) at every inconvenience. Every holiday in past 7 years each time when we are at the airport or boarding the same person rings him. They do not always know that we were going on holidays. Last year I was mighty fed up and we told them under no circular to phone, but they did. We had a row and i vowed never again would we go on holiday.
The same person kept phoning throughout.
There was a genuine reason he could not then ignore the calls .

FortniteBoysMum · 12/09/2020 23:23

The person at the funeral was wrong not to put phone on silent. However in the first situation the mother was wrong. Changing childcare plans can wait until a suitable hour unless it was an emergency for example having two children one in bed asleep the other needing to go to hospital and requiring the child's father to come look after them instantly. Hence keeping a phone turned on over night in the first place. Mine stays on incase something happens to my dp who is a lorry driver on night shifts so I know ASAP however if a friend called me at 3am asking for a favour that could have waited until a time I am likely to be awake that friend will get their head bitten off. If my phone rings at an ungodly hour it best be an emergency else they will wish it was as a parent to an sn child I need all the rest I can get.

DangerMouse17 · 12/09/2020 23:48

People should realise it's not acceptable to text or call ANYONE at 2am, unless it's an emergency quite frankly. People need to get over themselves.

Yes we can all turn things off or change notification settings, but contacting someone at this time is just plain rude.

Fudgewhizz · 12/09/2020 23:51

I was told off by someone I worked with once for sending an email at 10pm. Absolutely ludicrous - if you're that bothered about it, turn your phone off or even better don't have your work emails on there! She was really quite nasty to me as well - it really upset me.

Fudgewhizz · 12/09/2020 23:52

(Incidentally, I definitely wasn't expecting a reply at that time - I just wasn't in for another week and it was something that needed sorting in the meantime!)

EasternDailyStress · 12/09/2020 23:57

Do people not have landlines any more? I leave my phone downstairs at night, knowing that any urgent calls will come through the house phone.

RoseTintedAtuin · 13/09/2020 00:27

No. Phones may be left on at night in case of emergency’s which require immediate attention. If the woman was phoning because she had been in an accident it would not have been an issue, but she wasn’t she text because she had a late night with boyfriend... at 2am! That is just plain rude! You don’t need to be a mind reader to know most people are asleep. Between 11pm and 8am don’t call or text unless it’s an emergency. Simple.

JukeBoxHero · 13/09/2020 00:30

I always shout this at the TV when lady gagas telephone comes on.
An entire song moaning about how she can’t enjoy her night out because some bloke is blowing up her phone.
TURN IT FUCKING OFF THEN.

probably wouldn’t have been such a hit though 😂

simitra · 13/09/2020 00:30

My phone is there for my convenience and not that of others. I dont take it to bed with me and I dont accept calls between 9pm and 8am from most people. I have a white list of 2 people who can come through immediately but most will have to wait.

Machines are made to serve us and not to be our masters.

SideAfries · 13/09/2020 00:36

I have children, I never put my phone on silent/do not disturb incase it’s something to do with them at an un-godly hour. 😂

But I probably wouldn’t hear a text (they’d have to call) so I won’t complain.

Yeahnahmum · 13/09/2020 00:47

I just put my phone on silent at night. Problem solved.

MountainDweller · 13/09/2020 00:52

My phone is on do not disturb at night. Most of my notifications are silent anyway as I can't bear the constant interruptions whenever someone has posted a photo of their child on Facebook, or whatever. DH is terrible for leaving his on vibrate, he gets short shrift when the buzzing wakes me up!

I don't expect people to have their phones on at night unless they are on call for work or have a family emergency. I have family in Australia, they message when convenient for them and I read and reply when convenient for me. If we happen to be awake at the same time we might chat.

I'm pretty sure emergencies would come through on the house phone (not much we could do anyway as no family in the same country as us). My phone is set to allow repeated calls and calls from DH and my mum.

I did accidentally leave my phone on during my Dad's funeral a few years ago but luckily no-one called However if it had rung I would have quickly silenced it and I'm sure people would have understood that I was stressed and upset and just forgot.

MiniMum97 · 13/09/2020 00:52

Use your DND function people. Texts are like letters. Can be sent at any time and read at the receiver's convenience.

Gelop · 13/09/2020 00:55

People should realise it's not acceptable to text or call ANYONE at 2am, unless it's an emergency quite frankly. People need to get over themselves.

Calling yes, but I don't see texts or WhatsApps the same and I think a lot of people, myself included tend to put them in the same type of category as email.

Torvean32 · 13/09/2020 00:56

My phone is set so it would only ring at night if it was from immediate family.

PickAChew · 13/09/2020 00:58

You don't need to turn it off. Just use dnd.

PickAChew · 13/09/2020 01:04

@EasternDailyStress

Do people not have landlines any more? I leave my phone downstairs at night, knowing that any urgent calls will come through the house phone.

I do have a land-line but can't actually remember the number as we only have it for broadband. Got so sick of endless junk calls, despite attempts to block, that we unplugged the phone and I give one of my mobile numbers as my primary.

occa · 13/09/2020 01:16

I haven't had a landline in years but everyone should be quite capable of either putting their phone on silent or using DND with emergency over-ride. It's really not hard.

I think people who complain about being woken/disturbed by phones are a bit ridiculous, tbh.

Inkpaperstars · 13/09/2020 01:16

Daytime I agree and to some extent nighttime, but generally I wouldn't send a non emergency text or mesaage at night, unless I knew someone turned their phone to DND. DB goes to bed quite early and I already checked with him if it is ok to send messages at that time.

Graphista · 13/09/2020 02:35

I’ve been lurking on that thread and I agree with you op.

I have my texts ALWAYS completely silent because I don’t like them being intrusive or disturbing me at any time. This is not difficult to do with modern phones. In fact I believe it’s been a possibility for quite some time.

I have the call setting on at all times as I have sick elderly relatives and now a disabled dd away at uni. But it’s on vibrate at night so it’s not quite as startling and I’m a light sleeper anyway.

Most people know not to bother me with a call without texting first for normal calls as my sleep patterns are shit (note the time of posting) but I have a couple of people who’s own memories are a bit buggered and they occasionally disturb me.

But...

Yes ultimately phones now are SO controllable there’s no need to risk being disturbed when you don’t want to be

That said I cannot get the dnd thing to work on my phone, it just stops all calls which is no good to me

In church or similar I think even vibrate is disrespectful and inappropriate, but certainly that’s the least people should do.

It’s at times like that you can almost guarantee some cold caller gets through!

In addition texts don’t always come through moments after they were sent, if the receiver lacked a strong signal for whatever reason it could well end up coming through at an inconvenient time at no fault of the sender

I also have sound/vibrate turned off for all app and email notifications totally unnecessary and annoying to have them on. Dd used to drive me nuts as she has hers on and was a bugger for not silencing at night

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