To think she’s being weird about my breath?

[Cafeaulait27]

A colleague who I am friendly with and sit next to seems to be hinting that I have bad breath. It happened before covid too, but now we are supposed to be two metres apart all the time although she sometimes comes too close to me when showing me things which is annoying. She just gets her gum out sometimes and says ‘do you want some gum...’ I mostly say no thanks because I have my own and then she says ‘not that I’m saying you need it..’ this doesn’t happen while we are talking, it happens when I’m just working looking at my computer so it’s even weirder! It’s hard to explain but feels like a really obvious hint and we are in an open plan office, I often feel embarrassed like she’s shaming me in front of my colleagues who can probably hear this nearly every day.

I have good teeth (recently had a check up with no issues) I don’t drink coffee during the week and avoid garlic during the week. I brush my teeth And tongue twice a day. I drink lots of water at work and maybe have one tea. I usually have gum after lunch.

I haven’t been told I have bad breath by anyone else and my husband says I don’t but this is really worrying and upsetting me.

Does she just have a really powerful sense of smell or do I really have bad breath? I don’t really have anyone else I can ask that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to ask. Sometimes I wonder if my husband can’t smell it because he’s around me all the time and we eat the same food?!

I should maybe also mention that I eat a healthy balanced diet with lots of veg.

I see others in the office eating garlicky food at lunch and having coffee and none of them seem to worry about this... I feel like I’ve become so self conscious whenever I speak and try to chew gum whenever I think I’m going to be in a situation where people might smell it.

Not sure what to do?! I don’t like bad breath either but I’m not sure what else I can do if I do have it, and I’m not sure what to do if she’s being unreasonable about it either? I’m kind of scared to confront her in case she says ‘yes, you do have foul breath’

It’s all so embarrassing and upsetting ☹️

Could she be pregnant? During pregnancy you can become weirdly sensitive to scents that you never even noticed before.

If you believe your husband would be honest with you, and he's told you that you don't have bad breath, then I'd believe him.

Maybe you're over thinking it

@crazytapirlady definitely no chance of her being pregnant, and also she’s been saying this to me On and off for maybe few years now 😕

@Notapheasantplucker I really hope I am just overthinking it ☹️

Every now and again I just want to snap ‘but it sounds like you are trying to say I need it!’ But I’m scared of her actually saying ‘well yes you do actually’ and then it being really embarrassing in front of colleagues. I don’t want to be that person in the office with bad breath ☹️

I have a cup of tea and some cereal in the morning followed by lots of water, and brush my teeth... surely it can’t be that bad from that ?!

She is working very hard to undermine you. She has an issue. Start offering her mints and gum.

I don't think you will have bad breath by the sounds of it OP. You have good teeth, you go to the dentist, brush your teeth daily, and your DH said it doesn't smell.

I can see why you feel paranoid, given the amount she says it and the 'not that you need it' comment. But I really doubt you have so try not to worry or overthink this.

Let's hope she's not nasty enough to try and embarrass you, even if if is true.

Do you have your teeth regularly cleaned? Maybe ask your hygienist as some people are genuinely more prone to it (although she just sounds a bit annoying to be honest)

I did work with a guy that had bad breath and i didnt have the heart to say anything, he was on a strict healthy diet and apparently you're breath can be bad when trying to lose weight

Could she genuinely just be offering chewing gum? Does she use it herself?
I don't see a suggestion of bad breath just by someone sharing mints etc
Maybe you are being oversensitive

This is a tricky question for you to answer, but do you think she is jealous or threatend by you so is trying this tact? Personally I would get into work early and leave an anon note saying "Sorry if this offends you" with a pack of Smints or strong trebor mints.

Do you think its just something she said that's no become a habit? Does she offer anybody else chewing gum?

I cant see any reason why you would have bad breath.

If you chew gum a lot it could be that. I can smell gum at a fair distance 🤢 to me it really stinks

Is she actually a nice person? Could she be trying to undermine your confidence in a subtle passive aggressive way?

Thank you for the reassurance guys 😊 I really do worrry about it a lot. I sort of forgot about it as we all worked from home during lock down, but now we’re back at the office it’s happening again and I almost feel like I’m being bullied ☹️

She is quite jealous / competitive with me at work (which is annoying as she’s senior to me anyway and I am not the slightest bit competitive or interested in her job) so maybe she is just trying to upset me in a sly way.

I sometimes think she is confusing normal breath with bad breath. I can’t be expected to smell of mint gum all the time, no one does, her breath sometimes smells like what she’s just eaten but I don’t think it smells Actually bad.

I also don’t tend to sniff people’s breath when they are talking so I rarely notice unless it’s strong garlic or coffee or something.

As you can see I’ve given this a lot of thought!

OP. Stop giving it thought (about your worry at least) To write on here you must know you have done what you can to prevent bad breath, even if it never existed! ... If needs be, fire back in small amounts. So if she comes over and offers gum, as soon as she steps away spray a very quick spritz of perfume (Something nice to promt people to ask what it is!) So you can in a shy voice answer "Oh sorry there was a egg smell lingering... oh the perfume was *" "

Some people just offer gum reflexively; I have a friend who offers whoever he's with gum every time he takes one. Feels like a weird bonding hangover from secondary school.

I think gum smells dreadful and looks worse. I think though that your colleague might be undermining you. If she comes close to you to discuss work you probably don't have a problem. I had a secretary with visibly dreadful teeth with awful breath and I did my best to stay back at all times. An old trick is to lick your wrist and let it dry and then smell it. I just did this after two cups of coffee and have now cleaned my teeth.

I brush my teeth And tongue twice a day.

I have to floss and use tepe brushes in between certain teeth a few times per week, or I get a bad taste in my mouth. If you do that and the floss/brush smells bad afterwards, then you know it's that. There's also a very effective mouthwash that kills the bacteria causing bad breath, called UltraDex. I'm not saying that you probably do have bad breath, but if you use these things it will very likely remove any bad breath, so that you can feel more confident that you don't have it.

Do you have your teeth regularly cleaned? Maybe ask your hygienist

Nobody is having their teeth cleaned regularly at the moment AFAIK. Hygienists are all closed around here...

I think you're overthinking this. It sounds like she's just offering you gum and making a lame joke with it. I don't think she's trying to say you've got bad breath.

I would do one of the following:

• say "Do you think my breath actually smells? I'm getting a complex!"

-Take 2 or 3 pieces each time, she will soon stop or curb the offering -say 'I dont chew gum anymore.

I agree with the person who said it sounds just like a harmlesevhabitual thing she does...harkening back to school days...we used to share gum all the time...perhaps she has never outgrown this? Unless I am missing something - could it be this straightforward and innocent?
I would only think it was an attempt at undermining me if this was part of a bigger picture of such behaviour.

TheVamoosh mine is up and running again, I have an appointment booked for next month (hygienist and dentist).

With respect this entire thread is a massive overreaction just because someone offered you gum.

Maybe she was just being nice.

I wouldn’t eat gum or candy without offering it round to everyone else.

Maybe she's just really into gum. My mum chews shitloads of gum for some reason, and so always offers it to other people. I don't think she thinks they have bad breath.

Just wondered if you've been losing weight lately? I'm on a strict diet for a medical condition which has caused some (but not major) weightloss and my breath is awful - I do everything right and use mouthwash all the time but until I can be released off the diet I'm stuck with it. I'm so embarrassed but luckily not really seeing anyone right now. Just feel sorry for my DH :(

"She is quite jealous / competitive with me at work"

So to make her feel better, she's playing schoolgirl games. You're on the receiving end of her insecurity. Personally I'd laugh a or smile after each offering, she's having a little crisis, poor love, but it isn't your fault, or responsibility. She should be working on herself.

Next time she says "not that I'm saying you need it", reply, "well no, that would be a childish way if addressing an issue". Or words to that effect.