To think she’s being weird about my breath?

[Cafeaulait27]

A colleague who I am friendly with and sit next to seems to be hinting that I have bad breath. It happened before covid too, but now we are supposed to be two metres apart all the time although she sometimes comes too close to me when showing me things which is annoying. She just gets her gum out sometimes and says ‘do you want some gum...’ I mostly say no thanks because I have my own and then she says ‘not that I’m saying you need it..’ this doesn’t happen while we are talking, it happens when I’m just working looking at my computer so it’s even weirder! It’s hard to explain but feels like a really obvious hint and we are in an open plan office, I often feel embarrassed like she’s shaming me in front of my colleagues who can probably hear this nearly every day.

I have good teeth (recently had a check up with no issues) I don’t drink coffee during the week and avoid garlic during the week. I brush my teeth And tongue twice a day. I drink lots of water at work and maybe have one tea. I usually have gum after lunch.

I haven’t been told I have bad breath by anyone else and my husband says I don’t but this is really worrying and upsetting me.

Does she just have a really powerful sense of smell or do I really have bad breath? I don’t really have anyone else I can ask that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to ask. Sometimes I wonder if my husband can’t smell it because he’s around me all the time and we eat the same food?!

I should maybe also mention that I eat a healthy balanced diet with lots of veg.

I see others in the office eating garlicky food at lunch and having coffee and none of them seem to worry about this... I feel like I’ve become so self conscious whenever I speak and try to chew gum whenever I think I’m going to be in a situation where people might smell it.

Not sure what to do?! I don’t like bad breath either but I’m not sure what else I can do if I do have it, and I’m not sure what to do if she’s being unreasonable about it either? I’m kind of scared to confront her in case she says ‘yes, you do have foul breath’

It’s all so embarrassing and upsetting ☹️

Hmm I really don’t think this is to do with you and your breath. I think it’s just one of those weird repetitive things some people say. Or possibly she has major issues about her own breath and worries it smells. From what you have said though it really doesn’t sound like you have a bad breath issue

I’m a dental hygienist and currently working under new guidelines ( sop’s) So you possibly could find one where you live too.
You probably don’t have full on halitosis but if you want to be sure your breath doesn’t have a “little Edge” to it , floss each gap and sniff the floss before moving on. ( or tepe brush ) . Do this before you brush. If you can manage it , slip the floss down the back end of the last teeth furthest back in the mouth too.
If you have mature plaque deposits between your teeth, or down the back end of the last teeth ( especially wisdom teeth) any mouthwash will not help. Just as putting deodorant over sweat doesn’t stop odour.
Final tip. Brushing your tongue is good but maybe try a metal tongue scraper. Amazon sell a bronze / brass one . You will be amazed how much slough you can remove with one of these that brushing doesn’t.

Finally, perhaps your friend thinks she is covering up her own bad breath when she get close and is offering the gum to be polite .
If you do go to the hygienist / dentist. Ask for your BPE score to be explained properly.

Lick the back of your wrist just under your palm and leave it for half a minute then smell it. If it is a bit smelly you might have bad breath. I
use an electric toothbrush, teepee brushes , floss and a metal tongue scraper and before covid went for 6 monthly dental checks but I’m still prone to not very good breath. I am on a lot of medications which I don’t think helps as some make my mouth dry.

Your work colleague sounds like she’s trying to erode your confidence with her constant weird gum thing though which isn’t ok

Well it’s really hard to say. I doubt anyone realises they have have bad breath. I’ve just realised my neighbour does. She has beautiful teeth and great hygiene but still had bad breath. I guess some people can’t help it

It doesn’t sound as if you have bad breath but for your own piece of mind why not ask a friend, discreetly.
I used to work with someone who’s breath was so bad it was difficult to talk to her without subconsciously covering my nose and she always stood really close. It seemed as if everyone knew except her and I felt sorry for her. I think she had medical issues.
Also I once had garlic and next day at work a colleague said God coffee, your breath stinks what have you been eating?
It was an embarrassing day but I was more careful in future.

@Cheeseismymiddlename I’ve just bought one of those scrapers - thank you!

Is it possible she just chews a lot of gum and thinks shes being nice offering to share?
It doesnt sound like you have bad breath as no one else seems to react to you

Thank you everyone! I think next time she says it I might do a really fake laugh at her joke or snap back to shut her up. I’m so over her saying it and making me feel like this!

It is weird - if my breath is so bad why keep coming so close?!

We have an odd relationship. On the whole I think she’s really funny and nice. She buys me lots of gifts for birthday and Christmas which makes me feel like I have to buy her something back (cynical but I see her gifts more as bribes to keep me on side?)

But she has thrown me under the bus a few times professionally and passed off my work as her own. And then the breath thing yips me over the edge!

@Cafeaulait27

Thank you for the reassurance guys 😊 I really do worrry about it a lot. I sort of forgot about it as we all worked from home during lock down, but now we’re back at the office it’s happening again and I almost feel like I’m being bullied ☹️

She is quite jealous / competitive with me at work (which is annoying as she’s senior to me anyway and I am not the slightest bit competitive or interested in her job) so maybe she is just trying to upset me in a sly way.

I sometimes think she is confusing normal breath with bad breath. I can’t be expected to smell of mint gum all the time, no one does, her breath sometimes smells like what she’s just eaten but I don’t think it smells Actually bad.

I also don’t tend to sniff people’s breath when they are talking so I rarely notice unless it’s strong garlic or coffee or something.

As you can see I’ve given this a lot of thought!

Next time she comes near you without gum in her mouth, look at her mouth when she speaks and offer her some gum. Keep it up. She'll soon realise.

She sounds like a knob. I've worked with one lady with quite bad breath before but she was lovely and I wouldn't have dreamt of continually offering her mints. It's her breath her business.

Op this person is trying to undermine your confidence and knock you off your game and it's worked! I think you need to address this with her. Either respond in the open plan to ask her what is she implying or take her aside and tell her how her comments are making you feel. She'll obviously deny any intent but if she's not malicious she'll stop because you've told her it makes you feel awkward. She needs to know from you that as her senior you consider this borderline bullying. Be brave op

Lick your wrist and sniff? or is that an old wives tale?!
I worked with someone once, quite young, didn’t eat whiffy food, lovely teeth, brushed and flossed, went to dentist but he knew his breath stunk. He was very embarrassed about it.

@TheVamoosh - dental services are very area dependend. Certainly working as normal round here. I had dental work done in june, and have got dentist and hygienist appointments in a few weeks.

Because of her other behaviours, I think she is trying to undermine you with her PA behaviour.

Can you check with a parent/sibling/close friend just in case though? If they all say you don't have a problem...believe them. Then, next time your colleague says "not that I'm saying you need it" you should confidently say 'I know I don't'.

Next time she pipes up put it back on her. If she’s overweight give her some tips. I’d be more direct and just say stop offering me chewing gums and get on with your work.

She is not nice and she is not your friend.

She is out to undermine you.

Nice people don't claim credit for the work of a colleague.

Watch yourself OP.

*Do you have your teeth regularly cleaned? Maybe ask your hygienist

Nobody is having their teeth cleaned regularly at the moment AFAIK. Hygienists are all closed around here...*

My hygienist has been up and running since the beginning of July. I think it must just be your specific area.

Shes just nasty. Please don't spend any more time worrying about your breath. She is trying and succeeding to make you paranoid.

Why can't you just ask her in private?

From what you are saying you don’t have bad breath at all. Think about it, when you speak to people does anyone move further away or look like they are making a face or anything?
I think it’s her, she is most probably just a chewing gum fan and is offering to share. All be it in an OTT way. Why not be assertive and say ‘thanks for offering all the time but I have my own so no need in future’.
Even more concerning is the way she keeps undermining you, passing off your work as her own, throwing you under the bus and generally making you feel uncomfortable.
Could you ask to move elsewhere in the office so you aren’t so near her or if not ask for a change of manager or department? Just make an excuse. Life is too short to feel uncomfortable at work.

I think you're over thinking it. She's just offering you gum. She's done it so often that she's over thinking it too and wondering if she offended you by implying you have bad breath, so she now makes a point of saying that she's not implying anything, not realising that it will push into more over thinking.

Could you have tonsil stones? They really smell and are not related to clean teeth.
Make sure you are also flossing or using interdental brushes as the gaps between teeth can stink.
Also if you are dehydrated that can cause bad breath.

You husband may be too polite to tell you as it's a very personal thing.

My ex husband used to get tonsil stones and his breath stank so badly, I could tell him (I'm a very direct person) but I did have to use coded language and tell him indirectly (we called his tonsil stones "henrys") otherwise he got upset

I think it sounds like a method she's using to chip away at your confidence. It's working.

Personally I hate gum myself and could happily punch a loud, chomping,, open mouthed gum chewer right in their gob! (Though I think this is A condition called Misophonia)

I'd simply reply, "Oh no thank you. I find gum smacking quite distasteful. You know, sitting there chomping away pointlessly like a masticating cow in a field..."

And of course I'd have to add the MN tinkly laugh and head tilt.

Start offering her deodorant. She sounds like a cow. I'm sure there is nothing wrong with your breath OP.

It’s always been quite common in places I’ve worked for colleagues to offer mints and sweets. I would feel a bit rude if I had a mint and didn’t offer the person next to me one, it would have nothing to do with their breath.

Now I’m concerned I’ve been inadvertently suggesting my colleagues have bad breath for the last 20 years 😱