To think she’s being weird about my breath?

[Cafeaulait27]

A colleague who I am friendly with and sit next to seems to be hinting that I have bad breath. It happened before covid too, but now we are supposed to be two metres apart all the time although she sometimes comes too close to me when showing me things which is annoying. She just gets her gum out sometimes and says ‘do you want some gum...’ I mostly say no thanks because I have my own and then she says ‘not that I’m saying you need it..’ this doesn’t happen while we are talking, it happens when I’m just working looking at my computer so it’s even weirder! It’s hard to explain but feels like a really obvious hint and we are in an open plan office, I often feel embarrassed like she’s shaming me in front of my colleagues who can probably hear this nearly every day.

I have good teeth (recently had a check up with no issues) I don’t drink coffee during the week and avoid garlic during the week. I brush my teeth And tongue twice a day. I drink lots of water at work and maybe have one tea. I usually have gum after lunch.

I haven’t been told I have bad breath by anyone else and my husband says I don’t but this is really worrying and upsetting me.

Does she just have a really powerful sense of smell or do I really have bad breath? I don’t really have anyone else I can ask that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to ask. Sometimes I wonder if my husband can’t smell it because he’s around me all the time and we eat the same food?!

I should maybe also mention that I eat a healthy balanced diet with lots of veg.

I see others in the office eating garlicky food at lunch and having coffee and none of them seem to worry about this... I feel like I’ve become so self conscious whenever I speak and try to chew gum whenever I think I’m going to be in a situation where people might smell it.

Not sure what to do?! I don’t like bad breath either but I’m not sure what else I can do if I do have it, and I’m not sure what to do if she’s being unreasonable about it either? I’m kind of scared to confront her in case she says ‘yes, you do have foul breath’

It’s all so embarrassing and upsetting ☹️

she sounds mean. If you want to know for sure floss your teeth and see if the floss smells. sounds highly unlikely though

Is she having a piece of gum each time she offers it to you? If so is it habitual? I worked with someone last year who would always return from her lunchtime supermarket trip eating chocolate or sweets and would always offer some to me. I always decline but she continued to offer. She definitely wasn’t trying to tell me I was underweight and needed fattening up😂

@AnnaFiveTowns

I think you're overthinking this. It sounds like she's just offering you gum and making a lame joke with it. I don't think she's trying to say you've got bad breath.

I'm with you here.

It sounds like a bit of an overeaction to gum offering

But as a dentist to be perfectly honest a lot of people do have smelly breath. Do you floss daily? If not thats 40% of your tooth surface your missing when brushing, plenty of space for plaque to mature and make your breath smell.

If you are paranoid I agree with an actual tongue scraper not brush, make sure you are flossing daily, mouthwash is a bit irrelevent really unless you want to use it after lunch, but will do the same job as chewing gum

She is the one who is paranoid about having bad breath. That's why she chews the gum in the first place and that's why she shares the gum (deflection and normalisation of her behaviour amongst peers).

She has a gum when she talks to you because she doesn't want you to smell her bad breathe (real or imagined) and offers you one too so you're both chewing (not just her).

It's not about you. It's about her. Try not to catch her paranoia.

Check for tonsil stones

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonsil_stones

There is a colleague at work who’s breath actually makes me want to retch but I would NEVER offer her gum or say anything because I’m so paranoid of having bad breath myself that I’m constantly eating gum.

I used to have a colleague that was passive aggressive in this way. She would say things like - ‘oh make sure you sign out that equipment, not that I’m saying you’re stealing it or anything’ or ‘can I turn up the radio, not that I’m saying you talk too much’. She was a dick and everyone knew it. Believe me no one in the office thinks badly of you because of this.

I don't get from that why you think you have bad breath.

She offers you gum when she has one herself. That's a perfectly normal thing to do.
If I have something like that I'd offer it to colleague out of politeness, even if it's something they wouldn't normally have. Ditto my colleague does it for me.
Neither of means anything other than would you like one.

You say no, she says "not that you need it".
Perhaps she means from that that you don't need it...
Contrary to MN popular opinion not every other woman around is jealous and making passive aggressive comments.
The majority of people saying "not that you need it" will surprisingly mean that they don't think you need it.

The other issues are clouding how you feel about her gum offerings.

'What is your point, Janice?' (even if she's not called Janice 😄)

Chewing gum at work is so unprofessional. I'm amazed by the number of people who still do this.

@TheVamoosh

Do you have your teeth regularly cleaned? Maybe ask your hygienist

Nobody is having their teeth cleaned regularly at the moment AFAIK. Hygienists are all closed around here...

@TheVamoosh I had a Hygienist appointment about two months ago, it must be different everywhere!

It could just be that her idea of polite is that if you are having gum you also offer gum. Could be a habit picked up as a paranoid teen. Does she offer other things? But then there are also people who will see an offer of gum as always being an accusation of bad breath. Maybe she has experience of this too. So feels that offers of gum or your reaction means she feels the need to say that she's not offering gum as a hint.

Or it's part of an evil plan.

I dont know which.

check for tonsil stones. thats the only time my partner gets bad breath, he has to poke them out every couple of months

Take her comments at face value and stop reading in things which aren't there. You're letting your insecurities about the working relationship get the better of you. As for the posters suggesting the colleague is out to get the OP, I think that is such a stretch from the information provided as to be verging on paranoid.

Just say no thanks you need it more than me. Then chuckle and say only joking.

Could she possibly be someone who is worried about her own breath and this is why she gets out the gum and then just offers you is as she’s getting it out anyway.
Due to childhood bullying about being smelly ( I was neglected and so probably did smell at times) I am majorly paranoid about smells, including my breath and a wave of panic always hits me when in close proximity to someone and I find myself reaching for gum. I always offer it to the person I’m with when I get it out... now I’m wondering if they think that I think they have bad breath.....

I'd simply reply, "Oh no thank you. I find gum smacking quite distasteful. You know, sitting there chomping away pointlessly like a masticating cow in a field..."

Then you are very rude and must have missed the bit where the OP said:

I mostly say no thanks because I have my own

So because you have sometimes said yes, she will offer it again. Always say no from now on and third time say stop offering me gum I don’t want any!!

Oh god, if I have mints (which I always do) I will offer to my collegues when I have one.

I think you are overthinking it. Its probably something she says out of habit. Or says cos she actually doesnt want you to think it is a hint.

Every time she offers and says her catchphrase say "no thanks but tell me if I do, I get paranoid about having bad breath."

An old trick is to lick your wrist and let it dry and then smell it.

Or wear a face mask! Nothing like wandering round Tesco wrapped up in a bubble of your own coffee breath to tell you it's bad

@froggygoneacourting

With respect this entire thread is a massive overreaction just because someone offered you gum.

Maybe she was just being nice.

I wouldn’t eat gum or candy without offering it round to everyone else.

I agree with this. This thread is bat shit. When she has gum, she offers you some. It's really not a big deal.

Well either she is just offering you gum. Or she is trying to be mean for no apparent reason. Or your breath smells to her, even if it isn't inherently a bad smell.

For example, does it ever taste/smell fruity, or like almonds? This can happen to diabetics (as an urgent health issue), but also if you eat keto, or just haven't eaten for a while. It's an indication your body is burning fat instead of carbohydrate for energy.

Avoids garlic during the week....
Lol. Have you any idea how smelly garlic eaters are? It comes out your pores too if you eat a lot of it. I might be very sensitive to garlic but if someone who eats it walks past me on a bus I can smell it off their body. If someone sits beside me and they've had it, I need to move. Garlic is supposed to be a taste enhancer, not the primary flavour. Having said all that, your colleague is either like me and just can't bear the smell of it, though if it's been going on years, she's a lot more tolerant than I could be (though I wouldn't be rude asi realise it's my issue and not anyone else's) or she's just one of these people who has fixated on you for no good reason. Can't you trade desks with someone?