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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help solve my childcare problem please!

107 replies

Apples6544 · 11/09/2020 17:34

Firstly I know IABU to post here too but childcare gets no replies.. Hi everyone I really need some help, I’m a FTM so no idea what’s available/ how things work with childcare really! Basically I work 5 days a week has to include weekend days but I do complete my own rota so do have some flexibility/ can work shift times that suit me for the most part- pre maternity I mainly worked 7-17 or 8-18, days are usually different every week- no set days off, I do have at least 4 weeks worth of shifts though. Partner works 5 on, 3 off rolling shift pattern so he always has 3 days off together but they are different every week. He works fairly ‘normal’ hours 8:30-17:30. Grandparents want to help occasionally but can’t really commit to a specific day. One of my days off will be a day when partner is also off so that we have a family day every week. My little girl will be 10 months old when I return to work in April. So in summary we need childcare for 2/3 days a week- probably different days every week but we can give 4 weeks notice, it will include weekends and will be at least 10 hour days/ potential early starts. What the hell are my options! 😳 Feel like I’m in need of a unicorn 😬 any help/ advice gratefully received!

OP posts:
Apples6544 · 11/09/2020 19:10

@Kinkybutkind yeah I think we will! Occasionally I will be able to work 4 day week but would then be 12 hours days so either one day less childcare or we will get some family time then and obviously holiday, that’s not possible every week though so I’m initially working on the basis of I need to work 5 days.

OP posts:
ashley69ly · 11/09/2020 19:12

The problem for a childminder would be the combination of changing days and weekends. Most Childminders have to have multiple children to make it pay and if the others are Mon to Fri and then you need Sat and Sun, they'll never get a day off.

Apples6544 · 11/09/2020 19:15

@ashley69ly yeah I was just saying this to OH, and child numbers as well if others have set days there may not be room

OP posts:
Anothermother3 · 11/09/2020 19:16

It also depends on your budget and location. Some nannies might work with you but they are expensive. A childminder might be flexible. There are some nurseries that do 24 hour care but they are very rare.

Spiderysummer · 11/09/2020 19:19

My granddaughter went to nursery, where the days would change and this was booked a couple of weeks in advance. Nursery would accommodate changes at times a couple of days before. We needed to do the childcare at weekends (2 out of 3) as it was impossible to find childcare.

Worth applying for flexible working, it didn't work out for my daughter with one manager but when she applied 3 years later with a new manager, she had more success.

Zelda93 · 11/09/2020 19:20

Childminder is best I know mine is very flexible with 4 weeks notice of days it will be .

Minimumstandard · 11/09/2020 19:23

With a child that young and such long hours, I'd want a nanny... Not anti-nursery in general (DS 2 years loves the bustle and activity at his) but I'd prefer consistent care provided by a single caregiver in a quiet home for that age of baby. Also, that will save you the time and stress of drop offs and pickups. Since yours isn't going to be a very attractive job (especially if you want to pay for part time hours with full-time availability), I'd be targeting nannies with own children who may be prepared to offer you flexibility in exchange for you giving it to them in return. Some may also be prepared to work the occasional weekend for extra pay if you can't cover it with grandparents.

badlydrawnbear · 11/09/2020 19:23

There are flexible nurseries who can accommodate shift workers. Some of my colleagues use them (I am a nurse), and they just have to give the nursery their shifts a few weeks in advance. I don't know how common that is though. There were none near me. Weekend childcare is pretty impossible to find though as far as I know. Everyone I know has to get family to do childcare for their weekend shifts.

jb23newmum · 11/09/2020 19:26

Disagree most nurseries will offer this as I was in a similiar position . I told the nursery 1 month in advance my work pattern and they were able to accommodate. I also worked in finance for a chain of nurseries and where possible we tried to help as much with parents shift patterns

Lugubelenus · 11/09/2020 19:28

Talk to colleagues who work similar shift patterns, ask how they manage childcare. I have always worked shifts, as has DH, (NHS) but we were lucky in that the hospital had a superb creche onsite so I literally did take my baby to work.

Serin · 11/09/2020 19:31

Advertise the job and then interview the applicants yourself.
You never know, the perfect person might just be out there but not be a registered childminder yet.
I'm a senior HCP, I've raised my own family, miss children and after 30 years and covid I'm looking to get out of the NHS. I would probably apply for a job like that.

dillydallydollydaydream7 · 11/09/2020 19:33

It depends what's available in your area - DD1 goes to nursery and we have to let them know the week before what days and times we want for the following week, and it's split into morning sessions, afternoon sessions or full days. Most nurseries are only Monday to Friday so it may be worth keeping the grandparents as weekend childcare and paying for nursery weekdays. Like others have said though, some nurseries want to know your days well in advance so I would suggest ringing round local settings, explaining your situation and then going from there

Apples6544 · 11/09/2020 19:35

I have already had a local childminder make contact with me on my childcare profile so hoping I may be able to explore options on there. Have also found a local agency who I plan to contact to see if they could advertise on my behalf. Thanks for the suggestions everyone!

OP posts:
user1471464218 · 11/09/2020 19:37

My husband and I both work shifts. We have always had weekend childcare. We need 2 days most weeks, sometimes 3. When we had a childminder (2 different ones) the deal was that we had to pay for 3 days, which we did. Sometimes we used the 3rd day and sometimes not. We then changed to a live out nanny but we had 3 children by this stage which made it financially viable. The only thing we couldn't do was really early drops offs or late pick ups. We did swop shifts or use leave sometimes to drop kids off at 7.30 and collect by 7.30.

FelicityBob · 11/09/2020 19:38

Our nursery is completely flexible- my DC is contracted two days a week and they can be whatever days I need, I just have to make my bookings 4 days in advance. Some of the staff babysit as well so could be an option for the weekends.

Xuli · 11/09/2020 19:38

We had this with our first DC and we found a childminder who was happy with flexible days during the week, some weeks more than we initially agreed, for a set base fee a month with a top up for extra hours.

Mangofandangoo · 11/09/2020 19:40

I think getting an au pair is your best option here

bananaskinsnomnom · 11/09/2020 19:47

To establish if a child minder can be flexible enough for you will simply take a phone call. This is a tough puzzle! (It feels like a maths coursework problem to solve)

Sadly I think keeping the jobs with the moving shifts will likely cost you. Yes some providers will be flexible, the majority (and I do believe the majority having spent a decade working in early years child care) will not. My old nursery was asked this frequently.

Nurseries are very very unlikely to allow such flexibility, however you will likely find one that matches the actual shift hours. The trouble is, yes you only need two or three weekdays most weeks, but to move it around means they have to hold a space for your child everyday, which will stop another child attending. So the only way most nurseries will work for you is to bite the bullet and pay for 5 solid days. But that will be very costly obviously. The hours however could work, around here most nurseries open at 7, and close at 6. (Just be warned though, opening at 7 doesn’t mean you can drop child off at 6:45 to make it to your 7am start - not saying you would, just something to consider. Certainly at that time of the morning nurseries will be strict and won’t let you in till 7 on the dot. This is my experience and I was like this myself!). You’re also unlikely to find a nursery open at weekends - unless you happen to live near one of those super flexible 24 hour nurseries (the only one I know of is in London! But they do exist - somewhere in the depths.....)

Is there likely to be a day in the week which you will both always be working on? If so it could be worth booking that day at a nursery and enquiring as to whether they have space for overtime. So for example you child always attends on Monday, but you then book extra sessions as needed. We never turned down extras if we were staffed, it’s extra money. But not a guarantee - there’s a lot of weighing up to do here.

Child minders would be the best place to start I think. There’s no harm asking. There may well be some lovely child minders willing to work with you on this. I would begin this way.

The nanny would be the ultimate answer - but another expensive one. Many nannies would be happy to do nights, weekends etc (because most people who become nannies know it’s a different type of role in general). However if you need them to be available at different times each week you will have to pay them a full time salary, because even though say you only need them two or three times a week, they can’t get another job because the days for you keep changing. (Take it as someone who once had a family at my nursery, who wanted a nanny, but only wanted to pay them the actual hours they were needed, yet also wanted them on standby 24/7 in case of work hour changes. They didn’t understand why no one applied)

I feel for you OP. Ignore people who say things like “why did you have children when you have no plan” and such - it’s mean and unnecessary. However do be ready to either make a temporary career or financial sacrifice for this. Childcare isn’t cheap (especially because the payment for babies is often higher to make up for the funded hours for the older ones)

ivfbeenbusy · 11/09/2020 19:55

OP for a start nannies are ridiculously expensive

I'm in the Midlands and whilst I don't work shifts childminders are very flexible and also charge £3.50-£4.50 an hour compared to £10-15 for nanny

Weekends will be a problem and you'll have to rely on family for that

You could have an au pair but they basically live with you and generally expect at least their own bathroom. I trust DH but I personally didn't want a nubile young woman living with us either whilst I'm feeling fat and frumpy post baby

Apples6544 · 11/09/2020 20:07

@ivfbeenbusy haha! Yeah I’ve been googling, lots of people have opened my eyes a bit on this thread. Didn’t realise how reasonable childminding is!

I’ve taken the advice of lots of people and contacting childminders who don’t advertise weekends to cheekily see if they would be willing to provide Saturday mornings.. one Grandparent could potentially do Sunday’s and I would be able to get an early finish on Saturdays. It may work!!!!

OP posts:
LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 11/09/2020 20:10

Our nursery is one next to a hospital that takes shift bookings. I have to book 8 days in advance. So somewhere similar for the weekdays and then you and your partner sort out weekends between you. Grandparents for emergencies. Baby will be fine - my oldest used to be in nursery 0745 - 1730 daily!

Fluteytooting · 11/09/2020 20:18

Me and my DH both work on Saturdays. We met a student when our first was young who was doing a childcare qualification and asked her if she’d be up for helping on a Saturday. She’s still doing it now nearly 6 years later! She is amazing and my kids adore her.

RoseTintedAtuin · 11/09/2020 20:46

I think it should be doable so long as you can guarantee 30 hrs per week (and maybe pay a little more for weekends).
A little outside the box but I would think people who work as supply teachers (early years) would be able to provide this flexibility as they can still pursue work on other days (although I know many look for fixed term contracts where it might not work) but maybe worth looking into.

peanutbutterandfluff · 11/09/2020 20:58

I have this and have to pay for 5 days nursery. My DP also put in a flexible working request so we could work alternate weekends.

Thereareliterallynonamesleft · 11/09/2020 21:01

You could sign up for childcare.co.uk (you don’t have to pay) and say what you are looking for, someone might contact you if it suits what they want. You could also check out the bubble babysitting app. My cousin, who is an aspiring actress in her early twenties does lots of jobs on bubble, things like going to the house and getting the child ready and taking them to nursery, or looking after a child all day, it’s not just babysitting. I would ask on local fb groups or similar too, there might be someone like a semi-retired childminder with no young children who wants part time work but doesn’t have to commit to regular days. Good luck!

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