Help solve my childcare problem please!

[Apples6544]

Firstly I know IABU to post here too but childcare gets no replies.. Hi everyone I really need some help, I’m a FTM so no idea what’s available/ how things work with childcare really! Basically I work 5 days a week has to include weekend days but I do complete my own rota so do have some flexibility/ can work shift times that suit me for the most part- pre maternity I mainly worked 7-17 or 8-18, days are usually different every week- no set days off, I do have at least 4 weeks worth of shifts though. Partner works 5 on, 3 off rolling shift pattern so he always has 3 days off together but they are different every week. He works fairly ‘normal’ hours 8:30-17:30. Grandparents want to help occasionally but can’t really commit to a specific day. One of my days off will be a day when partner is also off so that we have a family day every week. My little girl will be 10 months old when I return to work in April. So in summary we need childcare for 2/3 days a week- probably different days every week but we can give 4 weeks notice, it will include weekends and will be at least 10 hour days/ potential early starts. What the hell are my options! 😳 Feel like I’m in need of a unicorn 😬 any help/ advice gratefully received!

Only suggestion I have is a nanny, but with you potentially working 10 hour shifts, weekends & different days every week you’d be looking at a full time nanny.

@CaveMum

Contact nurseries/childminders in your area to clarify how flexible they are.

Bear in mind that a good nursery/childminder will have a waiting list - we had to put DD down for a place at the nursery we wanted when she was 8 weeks old in order to guarantee a place when she was 10 months old! As a precaution we put DS’s name down before he was born as it is a very popular nursery and spaces are like hens teeth!

Second this!

Try a nursery. A lot may offer you flexibility given you can give 4 weeks notice. A relative had to pay for 2 full days per week minimum regardless of how many they needed but were able to add the extra ones on.

Are you able to put in a request for a fixed shift pattern at your workplace? My workplace is shift based, and parents can request this. The trade-off is that you have to work at least one weekend day a week or a whole weekend every other week. Are there unpopular hours you can volunteer to do? Evenings, early starts? Anything to get a regular pattern.

@Coldilox unfortunately not, I think OH has 2 weeks of full weekend days off every 8 weeks if I’ve worked it out properly.. so both Saturday and Sunday. I work in retail management so there’s no way I couldn’t work 6 weeks worth of weekends.

I knew it would be hard to come by but a lot of people have to work weekends how can there be no childcare options 😳😫 stressed!

It sounds like a live-in nanny or an au pair is the best option in this case. Being a working parent is stressful enough as it is, the constant stress of trying to work out childcare options for each changing week would be too much to balance. One bout of sickness or one difficult week where one of you forgets to update the calendar/childcare provider/employer and everyone is in a mess. Something is going to breakdown, hopefully not someone’s mental health.

I’m an Ofsted registered, self employed nanny

I work weekends/earlies/lates/overnights/whatever the families need.

Unicorns like me do exist!!!

-Reduce your hours
-Look into flexi nursery places (my son has one and can go any two days of the week if i let them know 4 weeks in advance)
-Full time nursery, expensive but short term
-flexible working contract, set days off for both you and your partner, many work places are quite good with this. Ie your partner could request every Thursday off and you every friday then 2 week days are covered
-sacrifice your family day for now

[quote Apples6544]@Coldilox unfortunately not, I think OH has 2 weeks of full weekend days off every 8 weeks if I’ve worked it out properly.. so both Saturday and Sunday. I work in retail management so there’s no way I couldn’t work 6 weeks worth of weekends.

I knew it would be hard to come by but a lot of people have to work weekends how can there be no childcare options 😳😫 stressed![/quote]
Look into a nanny - I’m a self employed nanny who works weekends!

Hiya OP,

Sounds like a child minder might be your best bet! I'm kind of in the same boat abroad due to both of us working shift work and nights although according to pp neither of us should have conceived without sorting child care first!

I'd definitely start looking now, see what your options are, you may find a nursery that's flexible but weekends are the hard part! Could try a mix of nursery and childminder for a day at the weekends? Good luck!

Very few people with children have both mum & dad working most weekends. And thus unable to manage it so they aren't both working the same weekends.

A huge proportion of staff in retail, catering, hotels etc are young, poorly paid & pre kids.

^I’m an Ofsted registered, self employed nanny

I work weekends/earlies/lates/overnights/whatever the families need.

Unicorns like me do exist!!!^

Yes but at what cost.

If op can't afford to reduce hours it's unlikely she can afford an extremely flexible nanny.

Our childminder is super flexible - BUT i secured the place when 4 months pregnant, for my child to start at 6 months old.

I think you need a nanny.
I don’t mean to pry or be harsh @Apples6544 - but do you both want to work patterns which will mean your DC will hardly see you for 6 of the 7 days a week? Once at nursery a 6-30pm finish for my DC from 8 am would have been them in bed straight after getting home.

You'll probably have to pay for a full time space regardless, but ask local nurseries and childminders as some are flexible.

Similarly some childminders are happy to do weekends.

Basically you need to ask your local providers specifically.

The options are
Childminder
Nursery
Out of school care
None of these will do weekends.

You need to get a live in nanny. It's your only option to include weekends. You'll need to give them two days off a week though. Usually set days.
About £1000 a month? Nursery 5 days would be about the same.
Richer people than me will be able to give a more accurate costing.

Childcare at weekends doesn't exist otherwise.

Some childminders do weekends.
Some nannies do weekends.

I'd investigate childcare near local hospitals, however odd that sounds - they may have nurse/doctor parents with erratic hours, and therefore be more flexible. A childminder who for one reason or another doesn't have many kids may also work - maybe someone relatively new? I know that has potential downsides but they may be more flexible.

@Ilove 🤩 tell me you’re in the Midlands?! 😂

@Scotabroad24 don’t you know childcare should be arranged pre- conception 🤪

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland I’m not sure it’s we can’t afford it it’s more I know childcare will be expensive but to say drop a position at work would nearly half my salary whereas this won’t be an expense forever and I don’t want to compromise on lifestyle in the years to come by stunting my career.

You either need a live-in nanny (and to work more if you need to, to be able to afford it), or one of you needs to accept a drop in income for more regular hours.

Your current lifestyle isn’t compatible with children.

I hope you find a solution OP- I never did.

Ended up having to jack in my job.

Both OH and I had jobs with sporadic hours- very last minute unplanned work, lots of travel.
No family support.
When school started it was worse.

Sometimes it just can't work out - we have to make massive adjustments- I never did get back to my career.

A lot of people do work weekends, but the economics of offering childcare for weekends, especially flexibly, doesn't work out. Those who could provide flexible weekend childcare want to charge a premium for the weekend and for the flexibility and those who want flexible weekend childcare don't want to or can't pay that premium.

Now you know why having children adversely effects women's careers. Yes - there are some nannies and childminders who do offer the flexibility you are looking for and but they are not common.

@Paperthin OH will have her 2 days a week, we will spend a day as a family and I will have her one day. I can work for example early so childcare would only need to be for half a day- OH drop off around 7:30 and I could collect at 2.

i don’t want to compromise on lifestyle in the years to come by stunting my career.

You will be working til you are near 70. You won't stunt it, you might defer it.

It sounds like you & your partner may barely see your child, you are talking about really long days in childcare. You do have to make a lot of sacrifices when you have children.