Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not find out the gender of our baby after finding out with my first two

52 replies

PregnantAndLarge · 11/09/2020 09:54

Hi all. I am 16wks pregnant with my 3rd baby (DH's 1st). I had my first 2 DC in my early 20s and both situations were very stressful. I did find out the gender with both of them, I think for me it was something to look forward to, and I felt I could be more organised where I was on a tight budget. I always promised myself if I had another child, I would do things completely differently. I am now married to a lovely guy and my older 2 can't wait to meet their sibling! This time I am thinking of keeping the gender a suprise. Has anyone done this and preferred it to knowing the gender? :) I am extremely impatient so it's going to be hard for me not to know! :) DH is happy either way, he said I can decide.

OP posts:

Flynn2019 · 11/09/2020 09:58

I haven't done it myself, always paid for a private gender scan on the 1st day I could! I can't hold my water lol if you think you can do it, go for it! I personally like to be organised and buy items appropriate for the gender but I do like when people leave it as a surprise. My sister did with my niece and I loved getting the message when she born x

FrenchtoEnglish · 11/09/2020 10:00

What are gender-appropriate things?

romeolovedjulliet · 11/09/2020 10:01

i wanted to wait and did with mine, i had c sections and it was such a happy moment to be told 'it's a boy / girl' after months of waitting.
but of course it's entirely up to you don't be 'bullied' into finding out the sex prior to birth by family and friends if you don't want to know.

SunbathingDragon · 11/09/2020 10:04

I didn’t for DC3 and found out by myself as DH wasn’t there for the birth. We then also didn’t for DC4 and I really regretted that and wished we had.

romeolovedjulliet · 11/09/2020 10:06

@FrenchtoEnglish

What are gender-appropriate things?

pink for a girl, blue for a boy what's wrong with that ? up to the parents how they want to dress their child, or perhaps everything should be a nice shade of conning tower grey clothing, equipment etc for both sexes then it won't offend anyone.

ShalomToYouJackie · 11/09/2020 10:06

I'm going to find out the sex because it's my first and I really want to know but my DM didn't find out with me and said it was nice to have a surprise

ILoveFlumps · 11/09/2020 10:09

I did this. Had 4 DC all teens. PG with DC5. We decided we wanted a surprise. I had found out with the others their sex beforehand.
It was so tempting to find out, but I’m glad we waited. We had a few private scans and they knew we didn’t want to know. They even had a guessing game between themselves and discussed it afterwards when we had gone.
Try and wait if you can. It will make it all the more special.

BoyTree · 11/09/2020 10:10

@FrenchtoEnglish

What are gender-appropriate things?

In my case it was matching Big Brother/Little Brother t-shirts that my oldest and seen and wanted to get for his little sibling.

ftm202020 · 11/09/2020 10:11

We did this the other way around. My first two were surprises, a girl then a boy. Then all subsequent babies we have found out their sex as the older ones really wanted to know. All births have been just as amazing knowing or not knowing.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 11/09/2020 10:17

We knew DD1 was a girl from 12 weeks (not UK!). DD2 we didn't know, as the sonographer couldn't see clearly. Neither was better than the other really. The surprises come later as they grow their own personalities.

Beamur · 11/09/2020 10:21

I didn't find out the sex of my baby. We wanted it to be a surprise, wasn't really fussed either way and just decorated the room/bought neutral clothes. Actually that's not quite true, I bought blue and green but that's because I like those colours and don't align with the thinking of 'blue for boys'.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 11/09/2020 10:21

No-one can tell you the gender of your unborn child. You can only be told its sex.

SalvatoreMaroni · 11/09/2020 10:23

I did this with DC4 , i found out ewith the other 3 and honestly if j could go back i would have kept it a surprise each time, it really motivated me through labour as I knew I was close to finding out if I had a boy or a girl. That moment where my baby was lifted up to me and i could see what I had is one of my fondest memories.

romeolovedjulliet · 11/09/2020 10:26

sex is the physical aspect, has vagina / penis, gender refers to the social aspect of how someone sees them self in a social role.
but having said that a sex reveal party though sounds a bit ooo, matron

YummyJamDoughnut · 11/09/2020 10:26

It's completely up to you, OP. But you can find out later if you change your mind, you can't unknow if you find out sooner!
My sisters third was a surprise- she'd found out with her elder two. She said it made the last bits of labour a little easier, waiting to see!

pumpkinpie01 · 11/09/2020 10:27

I have 4dc and have never found out , 2 I had an inkling and I was correct but the other 2 were lovely surprises. I would not find out if I were you .

DrManhattan · 11/09/2020 10:28

Never understood why anyone does this. Its like opening your presents before Christmas.

RandomMess · 11/09/2020 10:35

I found out with my eldest but not the younger 3.

I had a preferred sex but I knew once I'd pushed them out I wouldn't care 😂

Also I ended up going very overdue and being induced with all so tbh it was nice to have at least one "surprise" other than birth weight on the day.

I knew with 3 and 4 they would be born at 42 weeks and would be whoppers with no home birth.

Angelina82 · 11/09/2020 10:43

I love surprises so didn’t ask the sex of any of my 5 kids. The sonographer must have assumed I already knew, so did let sleep that my 4th child was a boy when I had to have a late scan though, which did make giving birth that wee bit less exciting if I’m honest.

Starlight39 · 11/09/2020 10:47

I didn't find out the sex with my first DS and am now 21 weeks pregnant and haven't found out with this one either. I think it's lovely to have a surprise. People will inevitably give pink/blue outfits after the birth so I don't need to be buying those!

For me personally, I like the idea of not building up a sense of the person the baby will be based on it's sex or at least delaying it until after the birth when you will have a bit more of a sense of the individual person the baby is.

Last time around nobody seemed surprised but this time I've had lots of surprised reactions and people saying they found out as soon as they could and not being able to understand why I wouldn't want to know!

Irelate · 11/09/2020 10:49

Always better not to find out in advance.

User3627290 · 11/09/2020 10:49

I decided not to find out because I wanted to avoid feeling like I should be buying ‘boy’ things or ‘girl’ things, or having other people go overboard in that direction. I also just really like the idea of it being a surprise when they’re born.

There’s no right or wrong answer - just what you feel is best.

notacooldad · 11/09/2020 10:51

Always better not to find out in advance
why?

Laserbird16 · 11/09/2020 10:52

Up to you. I found out DD1 as I think it helped to picture her and we choose a name very quickly. It was lovely having some certainty in a time of uncertainty.

DD2 we left it a surprise. The sonographer did write it down but I promptly lost the envelope which was found when DD2 was 5 months old down the back of the kitchen drawers...the cat was out of the bag by then!

purpleboy · 11/09/2020 10:56

Hate to be an arse but it's sex not gender.

Flip

1 2 3