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Original poster

To not find out the gender of our baby after finding out with my first two

52 replies

PregnantAndLarge · 11/09/2020 09:54

Hi all. I am 16wks pregnant with my 3rd baby (DH's 1st). I had my first 2 DC in my early 20s and both situations were very stressful. I did find out the gender with both of them, I think for me it was something to look forward to, and I felt I could be more organised where I was on a tight budget. I always promised myself if I had another child, I would do things completely differently. I am now married to a lovely guy and my older 2 can't wait to meet their sibling! This time I am thinking of keeping the gender a suprise. Has anyone done this and preferred it to knowing the gender? :) I am extremely impatient so it's going to be hard for me not to know! :) DH is happy either way, he said I can decide.

OP posts:
ChazP · 11/09/2020 10:59

Didn’t find out with #1 and loved not knowing. Not even remotely interested in “gender appropriate” b/s. Went mainly for aqua, white and cream.

Found out with #2 because daughter was desperate for a baby sister and I had an inkling she’d be disappointed, so we wanted to find out and get her excited about a baby brother.

Loved not knowing my first. Happy knowing about my 2nd. Whatever you decide will be right

Itsrainingnotmen · 11/09/2020 11:01

Ime it helped current siblings be well prepared and already bonded with the new arrival finding out.

It wasn't just a bro /sis it was Anna /James. Gave them a mental image of their sibling!!

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 11/09/2020 11:01

I found out dc1's sex in advance. I was convinced I was having a girl...I was wrong. With hindsight given his arrival, I'm glad I did. I had postpartum psychosis and struggled to accept him. Believing I'd had a girl would have made the situation even worse.

Dc2 we found out when she was born. I'm happy with both those decisions.

RandomMess · 11/09/2020 11:02

We also have friends, his first her 3rd.

Told it was a girl after her 2 boys. Everything pink and frilly - turns out it was a boy!!!

Aebj · 11/09/2020 11:02

Didn’t find out with either of mine. I loved finding out at the birth. Had 2 boys, carried differently with both .
I always remember asking the midwife what it was and she said a boy. I said are you sure and how can you tell🤣 might of had abit to much gas and air🤣

MamaPip · 11/09/2020 11:02

We found out on our first as I am impatient and wants to shop but I promised my husband that we could keep the surprise for the next .

It was fun the whole family got involved in a bet on the gender the losers had to buy specific gifts 😂 I also wasn’t as impatient to find out as we had all the big items already and I had a toddler to keep me entertained. I don’t think the birth made any difference as I wasn’t bothered in what gender we were having but I think if you are wanting a specific gender it would be best to find out .

I did however buy one pink and one blue baby grow for the first outfit ! You can donate the one you don’t use to the hospital or keep if for any future babies that might pop along .

SantaIsReal · 11/09/2020 11:12

I have 2 children and if we found out for the sex for both and I've always said if we ever had a 3rd, I'd want to try and wait until birth.
I say try and it would be a task! Lol

GrimDamnFanjo · 11/09/2020 17:33

I didn't for either and I'm glad.
I also had scans in NHS hospitals where I lived at the time and the policy is not to disclose the sex to the parents - which I strongly agree with to be honest.

GrimDamnFanjo · 11/09/2020 17:34

Adding I had a private 3D and didn't ask although I could have.

Pegase · 11/09/2020 17:37

Lol obviously pink, blue and grey are the only colours. Heaven forbid a baby should wear green or purple or (whispers) a girl should wear blue!

OP I liked to find out personally but no clear reason why- just go with your gut instinct!

rbmilliner · 12/09/2020 01:53

I didn't with mine but had hell and all trouble to get the health professionals not to let it slip. They all just assumed we wanted to know and at every scan (had 5) had to stop them from saying!
The midwife eventually let it slip the morning I went in to be induced when monitoring the heartbeat saying "girls always have a faster heart rate". Her face was a picture when we said we'd been waiting and she frantically tried to back track saying boys do sometimes too but by that point I won't have cared if it had been a puppy 😅
I think you get a feeling about what your having anyway, I always thought I wanted a boy (have nephews, so wanted it to run with the pack) but always said I thought it was a girl when pregnant and actually think I'd have been a bit disappointed if she hadn't been a girl by the end - although I'm sure I'd have gotten over it quickly.
Good luck and enjoy whatever you end up with!

trixiebelden77 · 12/09/2020 04:48

We didn’t find out the sex. I don’t think it matters though - having the baby is still amazing and exciting whether you know or not.

We don’t buy into that pink/blue nonsense because we’re not morons so we didn’t have to think about that.

Keeva2017 · 12/09/2020 04:58

@Aebj that’s brilliant 🤣

Heartshappedsunglasses · 12/09/2020 06:00

Did with my first and not with second.
It was quite good fun second time round as lots of people wanted to guess and it was quite sweet. DS1 was just turned two so didn’t really get I was having a baby so not sure it would have helped him knowing if it was a brother or sister.
It was really special when I gave birth as was all straightforward so they let me find out and hold DS2 first when he was born instead of announcing it.

If we had another I wouldn’t find out but I can understand why people do.

stairway · 12/09/2020 06:30

Maybe the baby will be ‘non binary’

LightDrizzle · 12/09/2020 07:08

I chose not to find out with both mine and had no regrets.

It was particularly good as both turned out to be girls and I’d have hated getting lots of pink froth from well-meaning friends or family.

Floralbean · 12/09/2020 07:13

I did, but mainly as I struggled to bond during pregnancy, I hoped that finding out the sex would make it seem more real, and it did. Didn't have a preference either way, and if I hadn't been struggling wouldn't have bothered to be honest, only told close family, but more because I don't think others are that bothered to have a big reveal hah.

justasmalltownmum · 12/09/2020 07:27

I didn't find out the gender, and it was such a nice surprise.

LunaHardy · 12/09/2020 07:36

I'm expecting my 3rd. Found out with my first two and we have decided to have a surprise as it's our last. Feels a little more exciting!

Wynston · 12/09/2020 07:39

I didn't find out with either pregnancy.
When my first dc was born the midwife laid him on my chest and she asked me what I had got. (Looking back that really was a special moment)
With my second dc he was emergency section and I was under general anesthetic and ds was about 4hours old before I could meet him (I wont lie i didn't care by that point about anything but baby and me being ok)
I never even thought about it being easier for my first to accept a sibling he was 4 at the time.
I also never named them or had any idea what to call them until they arrived.

speakout · 12/09/2020 07:46

I didnt find out with my babies- it wasn't really important to me.
A healthy baby was the best outsome.
I am not interested in the pink/blue stuff, I like to dress my babies in the softest undyed cotton suits and clothes for the first few weeks while they are still little bundles.

NatalieH2220 · 12/09/2020 07:47

I told myself if we had a second I'd have a surprise. But when the time came the temptation was too much and I couldn't wait!

drspouse · 12/09/2020 07:54

Our two are adopted so obviously we knew their sex before they were placed with us but my policy with DS was not to buy anything I wouldn't put a girl in.
As I didn't want to dress him in camo, or anything saying "lock up your daughters" this wasn't too hard.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 12/09/2020 07:57

I found out with my first 2, kept the surprise with my 3rd. Didn’t care one jot what I was having, but was absolutely convinced (as was everyone around me) that it was a boy. When a girl appeared I felt completely unprepared. Took me a few weeks to bond with her properly and for her to really feel like mine - like I say, I didn’t care what I had, but I was just expecting my boy and it took time to readjust those expectations. She was the only one I had trouble loving straight away (adored my big 2 from the second they were born) and I’m sure it’s because we didn’t know what she was beforehand. I don’t regret it exactly and she’s the love of my life these days, but if I could go back I’d definitely find out - think it would make a big change to how I felt in those early days. Everyone hyped up the surprise of waiting and how great it was, and I wanted to experience it, but the baby would have been plenty surprise enough.

Twizbe · 12/09/2020 07:57

I didn't find out with either of mine and I loved it.

I also had my husband be the one to tell me if it was a boy or girl. One of my favourite memories of both births.