To despise my fucking evil toxic in laws

[FuckingInLaws]

Fucking hate the lot of them, the parents, the siblings, the lot. Fucking self-obsessed, arrogant twats. They think the sun shines out of their backsides and that everyone else is inferior. They treat everyone like shit. It’s the reason DH has had to “unlearn” a lot of their toxic behaviours and the reason we never go to see them. But they’re all still there, all the time, in the background, like a bad smell in life, always giving their two pence, trying their best to meddle and cause problems.

A few examples:

Mother in law bitching about me in front of me and my friends at a party. (She said her son was treated like a king when he lived with her and now not so much...and when I said he’s treated very well actually she told my friends I have a tendency to exaggerate and then laughed. My friends were all naturally shocked at the bitter old witch. DH was mortified when I told him.

Sister in laws and brother in laws do their utmost to meddle in our marriage, I think due to jealousy (we are happily married with three beautiful children). They each have a lot of personal problems and are constantly fighting with each other too, exchanging disgusting messages and swearing at each other - despite all claiming to be intelligent professional and classy people. I am disgusted by the way they speak to each other during any disagreement, their true colours come out, and they have also sworn in front of my kids in the past which DH has asked them not to do. One of the many reasons we rarely see them anymore.

They’ve been known to “advise” my DH about how he should be doing things like hiding money away from me (open a secret bank account they said) and for context this was at a time when DH had received a large pay out, which he obviously shared with me. Scheming pricks.

Always inviting DH to things without inviting me. Being all sweet to my face on the rare occasions we meet but acting like they are above me and my family and never showing any interest in me or the kids. Just DH, their “prince”. Excuse me while I vomit.

I wish I had the balls to tell them all what I really think of them! That they are utterly evil and vile human beings and I’ll be so happy if they ever just fuck right off out of our lives. But I obviously don’t have the balls so I’m ranting on here instead. Please join me! Anyone else??

OP, they sound like a PITA and I'm not sure why some are giving you a hard time.

What an odd thing to say! Did you not know that if parents swear a great deal their children will follow suit.

@percheron67 Well done for making a gross and wholly inaccurate assumption - and for obviously failing to read the part where I said I dislike when anyone swears in front of children, or even within earshot of kids. Not that it’s relevant, but we have a rule in the house that we don’t utter a single swear word if the kids are at home. And even then it’s extremely rare that me or DH will feel the need to swear at all. Perhaps the fact that I hardly ever swear in real life is why so many expletives came out in my post!! But congratulations for making this about something completely irrelevant and totally unrelated to the point of the thread Give yourself a pat on the back dear.

Thank you dear! I did, in fact, note the fact that you discourage swearing near to or, in front of, your children. A little pat for you, too. However, it still begs the question as to why you have to use so many swear words in a post because they are not particularly helpful to any description. Much better by far, to use adjectives - know that word? - to describe people and actions. Sleep well.

@MolyHolyGuacamole

You're welcome

Or you could just call them paragraphs?!?!

Yes @Alwaysinpain - I had assumed that’s just a normal way to structure writing! Apparently, hamburger is a compliment as it means I know how to write properly 😂 ...hooray!

@percheron67 I do apologise that you appear to have either missed all the adjectives in my OP which were not expletives, or that there were just not enough adjectives for you. If that is what you’re looking for might I suggest you go out and buy a book or two? I can recommend a few.

And no, I don’t see why anyone would think it odd to swear on a seemingly “grown up” website while having a rant. Have you not been on MN very long? Doesn’t mean I use them in real life at all. It doesn’t make sense to conflate the two things. You just sound a bit precious!

You sound a very angry person.

Fuckinginlaws. This has become rather tedious don't you think? On balance, i would rather be described as precious than foul mouthed. End of story.

Ha... end of story? 😂 the difference is I’m not “foul mouthed” and those who know me would never describe me as such. So I’m correcting you yet again. I’ve used foul language in one post online, yes. Do get over it.

Well shit. And fuck my fuck. And also pissing ballsacks.

I’m right with you OP, we are NC with my DH family and it is lovely.

@Rhynswynd that does sound lovely! Very happy for you

Is he the only boy OP?

To an extent I have this with my in laws but they aren't nearly as bad.

His mum and sisters (he has a few, I'm close-ish with one) are all very tight knit. Live in walking distance etc.

But DH and I live near my parents about 2.5 hour drive from ILs.

He actually said to me the other night if he didn't ever see them he doesn't think he'd miss them. As they've sort of made their own little drama bubble that thankfully we don't need to be a part of.

I put up with the chat etc when we visit (normal around once every two months) as it's nice for my DC to see cousins.

Anyway my point - sons do tend to become more separate I from the family I think. Since having my kids I've needed my mum around a lot more. And it's easy to see sometimes that my MIL gets jealous of that - and yet it doesn't stop her slagging off her daughters husbands' families.

Nowt queerer than folk!

You sound a very angry person.

I'm not fucking well surprised. People are only human and if other people behave like shits to them, especially over a protracted period, then they're likely to get angry.

Whoops, I swore. Twice as well. (Trots off to naughty corner and does penance with a plank of wood against my skull.150 times ... ). 👀

@CarrieFour I completely agree, he’s not the only son in my case and it is a very large family, perhaps the reason there is so much drama! I don’t think my DH would miss them much if he never saw them again tbh. He has gone long periods of time without needing them, often saying he prefers seeing my family to his own. That’s despite me really encouraging him to see his own regularly.... but they never see that. They assume it’s always the DIL/SIL keeping their precious sons away 🙄

@MarieIVanArkleStinks 😂😂😂 yes!!

I wonder if that poster ever gets “very angry” - hopefully not! God forbid we ever feel very angry! I’m very angry at the thought!

@FuckingInLaws

"They assume it’s always the DIL/SIL keeping their precious sons away 🙄"

Oh absolutely. I'm automatically the reason if he doesn't want to go to an event/do something.

Or when my eldest had to go through CAHMS for panic attacks. Clearly my family was totally at fault for causing that.

Do you feel better for ranting?

You need to get to the point of calm indifference. Ive never known how to get there but maybe read the magic of not giving a fuck? Sounds like a good place to start.

Love the hamburger trick!

My in-laws had some "interesting" habits. They lived in suburban London and DH, DS and I lived in a tiny rural hamlet in the middle of nowhere, which we loved.
In-laws would descend with little notice. They would bring their own food, including bottles of milk. My DM and I were quite good cooks, and created some tasty meals for them. The in-laws wouldn't eat any of it, other than pudding, which was scraped empty first off. They ate their sandwiches instead. MIL wasn't keen on rural life either. She refused to go for even short walks , saying that it was "just up one muddy track and down another". This was after a sedate stroll up to the village green and a look at the pretty gardens on the way. She insisted on taking the cooker apart and scrubbing every last piece in soda and boiling water. Also dusting all the surfaces with the dusters and polish she had brought with her. She said "I hate that smelly thing" about our adored Afghan Hound. I think the feeling was mutual.
Looking back, I feel sad for her. She had almost no friends, spent her days cleaning her large empty house and polishing the rose leaves with Pledge.

He has gone long periods of time without needing them, often saying he prefers seeing my family to his own. That’s despite me really encouraging him to see his own regularly

So stop it. Let him deal with his family in his own way. Why are you encouraging him to do something he doesn't want to?

She said her son was treated like a king when he lived with her and now not so much...and when I said he’s treated very well actually

Don’t take part in that sort of conversation.

Had the same problem a year ago. Best thing to do is ignore ignore ignore. Don't give them a reaction. They'll soon feel jealous and get tired of your happiness.

Op does he earn lots of money? Why would It all be so money focused? AND about paying them 🙄😕.

Anyway. Its very very rude, not welcoming at all and I've also had to endure such rude comments.

We are very low contact, actually almost non existent, but we have some bday and Xmas coming up which means they will reach out.

I cannot stand my fil, the way he speaks and the content... He makes things so much worse!
Op, I've been so naive and hurt with my pils... It's been tricky for me as my own family is pretty much departed!

Otherwise It would have been far easier to cut pils out sooner.

They are a millstone around his neck, it's always about Mil, never dh...

I can't tell you how wonderful it is going low contact! Blissful and covid has also been a blessing.

They only bring you misery and your dh misery. Your dh has been very wise to step back from the what's app group. What annoys me is people who get hurt by people but still feel obliged to pick up the phone!! Don't!! You choose whether to let them in or not!

Choose not to open the email or answer the phone!

However, re low contact.. Don't use it as a weapon otherwise you'll spark off a war.. Gentle gradual withdrawal is the best way... No big announcements...

@FuckingInLaws

"They assume it’s always the DIL/SIL keeping their precious sons away 🙄"

Yep. I have the same thing, but with my own mother - no matter what, if my brother does anything she doesn't like, she automatically blames my SIL.

She didn't like it when I said once "So basically, what you are saying is that you raised your son to be so weak willed and so pathetic that he's unable to articulate his needs to his wife"

With this sort of family the idea that a member may not go along with the herd, may have ideas and standards of their own, is impossible for them to accept or compute. The evil outsider is the one to blame...

Thank you all. I’ve read all your posts with interest. Sorry to hear that some of you have also been treated with little to no respect. It’s certainly not the way I wish to be when my children bring partners into the family. I would think that being kind and considerate to your daughter/son in law would keep your children happier and ultimately closer to you.... who knows what sort of strange things are in the heads of people who don’t think like that.

I’ve encouraged him to see family in the past as I thought it was the right thing to do, I see mine regularly and thought it would be nice for him to do the same. But he’s had very little desire to. I soon understood why! But still thought I’d encourage it. Won’t be doing that anymore, and yes of course he can and should go and visit them whenever he wants to. I can’t see it happening very often. If it wasn’t for me encouraging him he would have missed huge milestone birthdays for his parents and even a sibling’s wedding (that is how toxic the environment is around there!) I only did it for him, as I don’t want him to feel bad later on if he missed out and then regretted it. But it’s up to him now and I definitely see there being no contact from me and very little from him.

Trying to reach the point of calm indifference now - let’s see how it goes! Full-time work and three kids under 5 will hopefully keep my mind off them and their antics! Wish me luck!

Sending you all positivity this Monday morning!

Thanks for your post. I recently posted a number of hand written letters to certain despicable family and ex-family idiots so they know exactly what I think of them. The letters contained honest and blunt factual information. These fuckers have been cut off now for years. It works!! xx