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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To despise my fucking evil toxic in laws

101 replies

FuckingInLaws · 10/09/2020 21:12

Fucking hate the lot of them, the parents, the siblings, the lot. Fucking self-obsessed, arrogant twats. They think the sun shines out of their backsides and that everyone else is inferior. They treat everyone like shit. It’s the reason DH has had to “unlearn” a lot of their toxic behaviours and the reason we never go to see them. But they’re all still there, all the time, in the background, like a bad smell in life, always giving their two pence, trying their best to meddle and cause problems.

A few examples:

Mother in law bitching about me in front of me and my friends at a party. (She said her son was treated like a king when he lived with her and now not so much...and when I said he’s treated very well actually she told my friends I have a tendency to exaggerate and then laughed. My friends were all naturally shocked at the bitter old witch. DH was mortified when I told him.

Sister in laws and brother in laws do their utmost to meddle in our marriage, I think due to jealousy (we are happily married with three beautiful children). They each have a lot of personal problems and are constantly fighting with each other too, exchanging disgusting messages and swearing at each other - despite all claiming to be intelligent professional and classy people. I am disgusted by the way they speak to each other during any disagreement, their true colours come out, and they have also sworn in front of my kids in the past which DH has asked them not to do. One of the many reasons we rarely see them anymore.

They’ve been known to “advise” my DH about how he should be doing things like hiding money away from me (open a secret bank account they said) and for context this was at a time when DH had received a large pay out, which he obviously shared with me. Scheming pricks.

Always inviting DH to things without inviting me. Being all sweet to my face on the rare occasions we meet but acting like they are above me and my family and never showing any interest in me or the kids. Just DH, their “prince”. Excuse me while I vomit.

I wish I had the balls to tell them all what I really think of them! That they are utterly evil and vile human beings and I’ll be so happy if they ever just fuck right off out of our lives. But I obviously don’t have the balls so I’m ranting on here instead. Please join me! Anyone else??

OP posts:
Venicelover · 10/09/2020 22:32

Clearly OP, you set such a good example.....

PanamaPattie · 10/09/2020 22:35

Wine for @MolyHolyGuacamole!

FindingNeverland1 · 10/09/2020 22:36

I'd completely reduce your contact to the bare necessities and limit any talking about any of the ILs with your DH and anyone else, try as much as possible to remove them from your thoughts.
They are unlikely to change and you're unlikely to start enjoying their company, so remove yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm in the process of trying to do this too.

Spiderbaby8 · 10/09/2020 22:41

If they are as bad as you say I would be relived they didn't invite me to things not angry.

Fuckthelotofyou · 10/09/2020 22:41
Grin
Lugubelenus · 10/09/2020 22:43

Ooh every day is a school day. I've learnt what hamburger means. Other than something fast food joints sell, obviously.

OP you are way too invested in loathing your in-laws to ever be happy. Let go of the hatred. Ignore them. Don't go to their events, don't invite them to yours.

Be content with your beautiful children and happy marriage and don't let the extended family concern you.

Sarahlou63 · 10/09/2020 22:53

Are you Meghan Markle?

Heffalooomia · 10/09/2020 22:55

I wish I had the balls to tell them all what I really think of them!
It wont help, express your complete and utter contempt by behaving as if they no longer exist

Ltdannygreen · 10/09/2020 23:13

My mother in law was a very toxic woman, father in law was great but she was a monster in law. When I first met her as soon as my bf went to the toilet she started telling me how he ran away etc, all of which he had already told me. So when she found out I was pregnant with ds12 she called me up and told me I should have an abortion because her son would ruin my life and he’s a waste of space tried to pay me Money aswell. When we used to visit them we were not allowed to stay in the house as we weren’t married so we had to stay in a hotel, we were only allowed in the living room or dining room,. Becoming a grandmother actually changed her, despite trying to convince me to get rid of him she absolutely adored him, she would call up weekly to see how he was, couldn’t wait to see him when we visited and not to mention she had bragging rights over her sister in law whose sons hadn’t even got girlfriend let alone kids. I’m pretty resilient so don’t really give one about what people think. My advice is rise above it, Every time they know they are pissing you off so you got 2 choices, take the high road or play them at thier own game 😊

Devlesko · 10/09/2020 23:13

Don't invest your time, if dh wants to go to see them, let him.
Distance yourself, don't show any interest and tell dh not to mention them to you.

jessstan2 · 10/09/2020 23:24

It sounds like you fit in well with your in laws.

jessstan2 · 10/09/2020 23:26

@Sarahlou63

Are you Meghan Markle?
I can't imagine Meghan Markle would be so foul mouthed and she hasn't rubbished her in laws anywhere, she got on with them.
noirchatsdeux · 10/09/2020 23:29

Agree with @Lugubelenus ....as the saying goes 'drop the rope' - stop letting them get to you so much.

I had problems with my partner's parents for the first few years we were together. After a Christmas weekend visit where DP's father spent the whole time in their bedroom to avoid having to interact with me (my sin? I didn't stay up all night on a previous social occasion getting drunk with extended family when I was ill with what turned out to be double pneumonia) I told DP that I was never visiting their house again, that I would be civil at social events but that was it as far as I was concerned. There are no grandchildren so zero need for me to have any sort of relationship with them.

FiveFootTwoEyesOfBlue · 10/09/2020 23:31

People telling OP off for swearing:
Confused
Are you new to MN or something?

Heffalooomia · 10/09/2020 23:43

About 10 years ago my mother-in-law was deliberately rude to me, I have not set eyes on her since, I think we both like it that way🙂

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 10/09/2020 23:49

Sounds as if DH is on your side, so ignore the stupid ILs. Every minute you’re thinking about them is a minute they’ve stolen from you.

Mischance · 10/09/2020 23:54

we are happily married with three beautiful children - that's enough good luck for one person for one lifetime! - let the in-laws waft by you and lap up your lovely life. To hell with them! Who needs them!?

Hellohey · 11/09/2020 00:13

Has anyone else read this thread and want a hamburger now?

Sorry for digressing.

Just focus on you and your family and leave them to it.

CJsGoldfish · 11/09/2020 00:27

Your level of vitriol doesn't seem to match the examples you gave. Obviously you 'had to be there' right? I don't really get the last point though. Clearly they'd know you hate them so I'd think inviting your DH to things is a win/win. Neither of you have to pretend.

Don't give them so much headspace. Leave them to it.

EKGEMS · 11/09/2020 00:32

It's good that you harbor no ill will or anger towards them

MJMG2015 · 11/09/2020 00:35

@percheron67

I think your children will be in great danger of learning to swear by being with you. Your post is full of expletives! You will probably argue that you don't swear in front of them but by the example given here you don't seem to use decent adjectives.
Oh jog on
1forAll74 · 11/09/2020 00:39

How can you possibly have such hatred for all of your Husbands family. A very sad state of affairs I must say.

TeamLannister · 11/09/2020 00:40

You sound nuts.

FuckingInLaws · 11/09/2020 00:48

The people being judgmental about my swearing Confused can’t even have a rant on MN nowadays! Obviously the content of my post must mean I use that many expletives in my everyday speech... Hmm and of course just forget about the part where I said I dislike people who swear in front of children... I wrote a lot of swear words on a “grown up” website therefore I am as bad as the people who swear within earshot of kids. Makes sense.

Does having a rant also mean I must sit around stewing about them all day every day? Some people are reaching a bit there as well! Perhaps it’s the fact I’ve not really said much about them in several years so it’s all come out in one post off the back of more vile behaviour. There are many more examples but they would probably be too outing. We don’t see them often, only on very special occasions really. DH barely has a proper non-superficial relationship with any of them to be honest. He’s in a group chat which he’s thought about leaving because it gets very toxic in there. And I know what they say to each other because he shows me the group chat sometimes. We’re probably one step away from NC and the idea of that is starting to sound very liberating indeed.

Yes the not inviting me (or any other in-law) to regular events is actually quite nice, because I obviously have no desire to go. DH mostly does not go either. I just think it is massively disrespectful and says a lot about them.

The hamburger thing is a very strange way to respond, but thanks - I too learned something new today!

OP posts:
steemtranes · 11/09/2020 00:52

@Fuckthelotofyou

Hamburger
Nah.

The OP just knows how to write properly.