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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry with my sister re COVID?

69 replies

TracyJacks1 · 10/09/2020 14:23

Regular poster but have changed username as this could be outing.

My sister is married to an Eastern European.
Last week they travelled to his home country with my 2 year led niece to visit his family. The country is in the midst of a large Covid outbreak and as a result they will have to quarantine on their return to the UK for 14 days.
Healthcare in this particular country is oretty poor so they are hoping to avoid any doctors or hospital visits etc. Since arriving two family members have been diagnosed with Covid. They are not immediate family but I imagine other family members will have been in contact with them.
My niece has now developed a cough which is getting worse. I asked my sister if she will be getting her tested. She said no as she had a cough when they left the uk(!) & has no temperature. I sent her the nhs guidelines but she says if my niece tests positive she will be hospitalised for 14 days as that is the policy in that country meaning they will have to delay their return to the uk.
I questioned whether this is fair on other family members or the wider public as they are going out & about as normal and will be travelling home on a plane at which point she had a huge rant at me about ruining their holiday and said she was acting in the best interests of her child!

To make things worse she's planning to send my niece to my elderly parents on her return next week so that her and BIL can work from home during quarantine!

I've since had a text from my mum saying I've upset her and not to spoil they trip. Surely if you choose to go to a country with a large outbreak & rubbish healthcare you need to suck up the consequences? I'm really cross but now my mum has made me doubt whether I should have said anything. Was I BU?

OP posts:

halcyondays · 10/09/2020 14:25

No not at all. Your sister is BU.

WellThatsNew · 10/09/2020 14:29

YANBU at all. It's people like your sister why COVID is still out there.

ginnybag · 10/09/2020 14:30

Is your mum okay with the possibility of COVID coming to her via niece and that having your niece with those symptoms means she would really need to self-isolate for 14 days?

She may not have understood what you are trying to say, here.

giletrouge · 10/09/2020 14:31

I'd be FURIOUS if I was you. Not sure what I'd do, because they all seem to have decided that you're in the wrong, but bloody hell. They could be giving covid to your parents!

CitizenFame · 10/09/2020 14:44

You are definitely not in the wrong and your mother is either foolish or naive or unaware of the whole situation to consider such a risk.

In your shoes, I would have a lengthy conversation with your mother explaining the situation and how you are worried that she and your father will be seriously exposed to a COVID risk. If they still insist on having them to make life easier for your sister and BIL, well, there’s not much else you can do, I’m afraid.

Original poster

TracyJacks1 · 10/09/2020 14:52

My mum really doesn't want to have my niece but is scared of the backlash from my sister.
I did also mention this in my message to my sister and said in no uncertain terms she should not be sending her to my parents and that she was putting my mum in a difficult position by asking. I think this probably is also partly why she is so angry.

OP posts:

CitizenFame · 10/09/2020 14:57

Oh, so not only is your sister selfish and an idiot but she also causes backlash to the point your own mother is afraid to ever tell her no? I wouldn’t even bother pleading or talking to your sister, she sounds horrible, but I reiterate what I said in talking to your mother and making it clear and that you’re doing it out of concern. But if she still takes them there’s nothing you can do. I would also make it clear to your mother that as she is going to be exposed to such a risk that you will be treating her and your father as a risk and that might mean Skype/Zoom calls only for a while.

kittenpeak · 10/09/2020 14:58

I take it they're still abroad?

Are they not planning on quarantining when they come back, if the country is on the list? If they are, I don't see why they shouldn't then be able to visit your parents. (If your parents agree with seeing people that is). If they are NOT planning on quarantining, symptoms or not then that is appalling

CuppaZa · 10/09/2020 14:59

YANBU.
Your sister is an absolute idiot

WhatHaveIFound · 10/09/2020 15:05

YANBU and your sister shouldn't even be travelling home if her dd is unwell.

I have flown recently and you have to confirm you don't have symptoms before checking in (and again at the airport). At two airports we were temperature checked before we were even allowed into the terminal.

It's a shame that your parents feel they can't stand up to her and that she's putting them in this position!

Original poster

TracyJacks1 · 10/09/2020 15:06

Sorry to clarify - They are planning to quarantine when they get home but have got to work from home. They can't send my niece to nursery which will make it hard to work hence planning to send her to my mum (so not really quarantining )

OP posts:

LeaveMyDamnJam · 10/09/2020 15:07

If they are flying, the airline might refuse boarding if the child is unwell.

giletrouge · 10/09/2020 15:07

Good point - maybe the temp will get picked up at the airport and they'll be refused travel.

DeliciouslyFemale · 10/09/2020 15:08

So she’s willing to put her parents and every other person on her plane at risk. Her selfish behaviour has already put people at risk, when she left the country with a sick child. Selfish fucker.

Original poster

TracyJacks1 · 10/09/2020 15:09

TBH under normal circumstances we get on really well. Sister is really sensible & thoughtful. Has been amazing to my parents during lockdown (has done more than me as she lives closer) so I'm just so surprised at her attitude over this.
Even before the trip I questioned whether travelling to this country was wise but she was adamant they had to go to visit family as they hadn't seen them all year. I just hate that we seem to have fallen out over this and I'm the bad guy!

OP posts:

picklemewalnuts · 10/09/2020 15:16

To be fair, if she's normally sensible and reasonable, then maybe the cough is something she recognised the child as having had before.

But if she's sensible, why is your mum afraid of saying no to her?

Would you be able to have niece, to save your mum? Or are you also unable to quarantine/risk getting it?

WhatWouldJKRDo · 10/09/2020 15:16

Your sister is being an arse. You can't send a toddler to someone else's house for childcare when in quarantine. The three of them need to stay home together, no trips oput to shops, totally isolated for 2 weeks.

Mindymomo · 10/09/2020 15:26

Your niece has to go in quarantine as well in own house not with grandparents.

Original poster

TracyJacks1 · 10/09/2020 15:27

@picklemewalnuts

To be fair, if she's normally sensible and reasonable, then maybe the cough is something she recognised the child as having had before.

But if she's sensible, why is your mum afraid of saying no to her?

Would you be able to have niece, to save your mum? Or are you also unable to quarantine/risk getting it?

I work in a school so can't risk passing it on to anyone else.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 10/09/2020 15:32

Just don't you let them near you if you're worried. You've alerted your parents. There is nothing more you can do.

Jaxhog · 10/09/2020 15:33

Wow! So she's happy to put a planeload of people, her family there AND her family here at risk? Unbelievable.

Quaagars · 10/09/2020 15:35

My mum really doesn't want to have my niece but is scared of the backlash from my sister

Your mum needs to firmly tell her NO, and why!
Why is she scared of her?
If your sister has a tantrum over it, that's on your sister, I'd be like "meh" as I'd know I wasn't the one being reckless and selfish which your sis would be if she stropped.

Tootletum · 10/09/2020 15:54

Wow that's quite shocking behaviour. The again its funny how things change. When I was 4, I had measles. I remember it quite well. And I was 100% sure I took a 10 hour flight with my sister, who also had it, and my mum. My mother has denied it for years, and last week she finally admitted it. She said she didn't know what to do and couldn't afford to rebook or quarantine in a hotel...

jessstan2 · 10/09/2020 16:02

I think your sister is potty and do not know what possesses anyone to go abroad at this time, even to see family. However, what's done is done. They all need to quarantine on return.

I am wondering which Eastern European country has patchy healthcare, not out of any nosiness, just wondering. I know someone who was hospitalised while visiting Poland and was very well looked after despite the hospital being somewhat basic.

Gancanny · 10/09/2020 16:07

If they travelled last week and are not returning until next week, would it not be longer than ten days since your niece started showing symptoms? NHS states to self-isolate for ten days from the outset of symptoms and other household members to isolate for fourteen days. Obviously they still need to quarantine on their return but in terms of self-isolating due to symptoms/exposure to someone with symptoms, they might have already done that bit by the time they get back.

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