To be angry with my sister re COVID?

[TracyJacks1]

Regular poster but have changed username as this could be outing.

My sister is married to an Eastern European.
Last week they travelled to his home country with my 2 year led niece to visit his family. The country is in the midst of a large Covid outbreak and as a result they will have to quarantine on their return to the UK for 14 days.
Healthcare in this particular country is oretty poor so they are hoping to avoid any doctors or hospital visits etc. Since arriving two family members have been diagnosed with Covid. They are not immediate family but I imagine other family members will have been in contact with them.
My niece has now developed a cough which is getting worse. I asked my sister if she will be getting her tested. She said no as she had a cough when they left the uk(!) & has no temperature. I sent her the nhs guidelines but she says if my niece tests positive she will be hospitalised for 14 days as that is the policy in that country meaning they will have to delay their return to the uk.
I questioned whether this is fair on other family members or the wider public as they are going out & about as normal and will be travelling home on a plane at which point she had a huge rant at me about ruining their holiday and said she was acting in the best interests of her child!

To make things worse she's planning to send my niece to my elderly parents on her return next week so that her and BIL can work from home during quarantine!

I've since had a text from my mum saying I've upset her and not to spoil they trip. Surely if you choose to go to a country with a large outbreak & rubbish healthcare you need to suck up the consequences? I'm really cross but now my mum has made me doubt whether I should have said anything. Was I BU?

Yanbu

At the very least they should quarantine where they are and delay their flight home until they are all past the cut off, even if they do fear going to the doctors/ hospital.

They of course shouldn’t have gone in the first place.

However “acting in the best interests of my child” is now a government approved defence, which is a perfect example of how people are going to act like twats and copy Cummings.

And obviously quarantine again when they get back!

She will be breaking quarantine of she sends her daughter to your mums when they get back, and she is risking a hefty fine if she is caught.

AND your BIL should keep the child at home with him while in quarantine and suck it up like the rest of us!

It’s not even hard for them, if they can both work from home and are quarantined anyway. So selfish. Totally support your mother to stand up to her.

Fascinated to know which country is keeping Covid positives in hospital for 14 days! You wouldn’t think a patchy healthcare system would be one that could afford to do that.

The stats for kids catching and spreading covid is low (so far) your sister knows her dd so I can only assume that she recognises that she had it before. The weather has changed and it’s that time of year when kids will be getting coughs common sense would tell me it’s quite unlikely it’s covid esp without a temp. Saying that we have to live in the real world she should get her tested, it’s so easy and quick, however I can imagine in a different county it would be difficult. I wouldn’t want her going to my vulnerable family members without a test.

Hmm, i can definitely understand her not wanting to have her two year old dd put in hospital in a foreign country for two weeks, but to take her to your elderly parents on their arrival home is so wrong

Say that's fine mum where is your will kept and by the way have you made arrangements for your funeral?

Yes I know that's just my family that would be so blunt but at the beginning my mom was complaining she had to be careful because she is "apparently old and vulnerable" she was a right grumble arse about it all I said OK your old enough to know your own mind 😂 which solicitor is your will at again? Have you written on the family photos who is who? We need to know these things?....OK smarty pants I will be careful

Thanks mom love you

Your sister is being an absolute dick but your Mum really has to grow a backbone here.

Maybe send your sister the link to this thread if you think it’s help her see sense.

I think I know which country you mean. If I’m right, then yes, some of the hospitals there can be pretty shoddy - as in infection risk shoddy. Others are better.
You’re absolutely right, she should never have gone there in the first place. I speak as someone who hasn’t seen my mother since January, and my father is yet to meet my daughter. But my parents were the first to say we shouldn’t visit.

@WellThatsNew

YANBU at all. It's people like your sister why COVID is still out there.

Not true. The reason the virus is still out there is because it is a virulent virus. You can't eradicate a virulent virus.

However your sister is being an irresponsible idiot.

Fascinated to know which country is keeping Covid positives in hospital for 14 days! You wouldn’t think a patchy healthcare system would be one that could afford to do that.
If it’s where I think it is, they are. Including asymptomatic cases sometimes. I agree that it makes no sense!

How has it come to be that your mum is so scared of your sister that she is willing to potentially risk her life so as not to upset her?

YADNBU!! Is she always like this, or is she reacting this way because she knows full well that she's in the wrong? She's putting SO many people at risk - her child and own family included, for what? So they can work and not lose money? I would be fuming too, OP. I hope your mum sees sense and refuses to watch her grandchild during their quarantine period and backs you up to your sister.

It's people like this who are prolonging this whole situation for everyone. It's the absolute height of selfishness.

@EarlGreywithLemon

I think I know which country you mean. If I’m right, then yes, some of the hospitals there can be pretty shoddy - as in infection risk shoddy. Others are better. You’re absolutely right, she should never have gone there in the first place. I speak as someone who hasn’t seen my mother since January, and my father is yet to meet my daughter. But my parents were the first to say we shouldn’t visit.

It must be really hard not to have seen your family, I really empathise with that. I think you are being sensible though. From what they have also said there is a real attitude amongst many people who live in this particular country that there that Covid is a hoax made up by the government therefore many people are not taking sensible precautions or taking it seriously. There is a real mistrust of the government & to get decent medical care involves bribery.

I think you made your point over and over and then told your sister in no uncertain terms...no wonder she's fed up.
Have you considered you've made it hard for her to back down now and for you mum to gently get out of it without appearing to take sides.
She's probably feeling quite sensitive.
Your mum must be feeling quite torn.
Your niece will be out of her quarantine time when they return if she had Covid on leaving

If you're that bothered just report the whole thing to the police once your DN goes to your mum that'll sort it.

I'm on the we-have-to-live-life end of the MN Covid spectrum and I'm still at this. I don't judge people for travelling to see loved ones - all my family live overseas and its very very hard not seeing them for who knows how long (we just couldn't manage all the quarantining) - but you have to follow the guidelines in both countries & be prepared for the risk of disruption. And sending a DC off to stay off with potentially high risk parents in those circumstances is shit.

@Didkdt

I think you made your point over and over and then told your sister in no uncertain terms...no wonder she's fed up. Have you considered you've made it hard for her to back down now and for you mum to gently get out of it without appearing to take sides. She's probably feeling quite sensitive. Your mum must be feeling quite torn. Your niece will be out of her quarantine time when they return if she had Covid on leaving

If you're that bothered just report the whole thing to the police once your DN goes to your mum that'll sort it.

I'm not sure that's fair. We spoke briefly weeks ago when the country was put on the 'red list' about whether they were still going ahead with their trip. The only other time we've spoken about it all is via 4 WhatsApp messages today when she told me I was ruining her holiday mentioning it. My mum spoke to me privately a few weeks ago to say she was uncomfortable about their expectation to have my nephew. She had tried to broach the subject with them a few times and my sister shut her down and said she didn't wish to discuss it. Today was the first time I have mentioned to my sister my mum having my niece.

Call the airline she plans to fly home on and alert them.

Yes, your description is spot on.
You were right to tell your sister not to go, and she should have taken your advice. YNBU at all.

Ok I think you should back off about their choices . Except the niece going to your parents when they should be isolating . That is well out of order . I am not sure of the answer but that definitely should not happen .

How bloody irresponsible.

If this is Romania, then I can see why she wouldn't want her DD tested but its so selfish to allow her potentially infectious DD on the plane home and then to put your mum at risk too.

uk.reuters.com/article/uk-health-coronavirus-romania/romania-passes-law-to-stop-covid-19-patients-from-leaving-hospitals-idUKKCN24M0M4

It’s probably not Covid. A cough alone is not usually Covid, and even less likely Covid since she has no temperature. And if it’s the same cough she travelled with, she’d not have been cleared by the U.K. airport to get on the plane. The sister should monitor her daughters symptoms though as even a cold can become a chest infection or she could catch Covid while having a cough.
If it were my sister, I’d trust her as this is her child and she is actually there and can see whether she is showing Covid symptoms....plural...
You’re thousands of km away from the child. You have even less idea if she has Covid or not and I think you’re being a bit paranoid tbh.

I haven't seen my family since the first weekend of March and we're all in the UK!