Using surname initial to distinguish between two children with almost same name - almost!

[NewLookings]

Am I being very precious about this? My child has just started big school and is one of two children with a name that is pronounced the same but spelled differently.

I get that verbally they will need to be distinguished by their surname eg Bob A and Bob B. But when written down, is it really necessary? This is not the name but is a close likeness:

Juliet
Juliette

In everything, I have noticed my child’s is referred to as Juliet A and the other Juliette B. Surely this isn’t needed? Her tray, her work on the wall, her name on the class whatsapp group etc etc always with the surname initial.

I KNOW I’m being a bit precious. I know this. And yes, I’m disappointed there’s another one as it’s not a very common name.

AIBU to think there is a difference here because of the different spelling?

My DD spent a year being known as "Sophie R" despite there being no other Sophie in her year group (never mind her class).

There had been 2 Sophies the year before, one of whom was also a "Sophie R" and the teachers were simply re-using all the name badges/ labels, cards etc.

If there are two pictures on the wall and one is signed Juliette, and the other Juliet, people are unlikely to be able to remember which is which. Subtle spelling differences like that can be really difficult to remember.

I'm really sorry that your carefully thought out very very special name didn't turn out to be as unique as you thought (I know a lot of middle-class mums of Lyras who would sympathise with you) but you are being absurd about this and have already given it so much more thought than it deserves.

This and then some,

in my dc class are 2 children with exact the same name and surname
At one school I worked in this happened and the two students couldn't be any more opposite. The head of year had a huge notice put at the top of student records to say 'please check you have the correct Billy Brown before calling home' after the poor well behaved Billy's parents had a few phonecalls about how badly behaved and rude their child was.
It was easier once the school photos had been taken and were on the records.

We also had two TAs in the same class - morning and afternoon called Mrs Jones. Now they were called Alex and Betty so the school introduced them to the kids as Mrs A Jones and Mrs B Jones but by half term they were Mrs Afternoon Jones and Mrs Morning Jones.

@TeensArghhh

There were 5 Connors/Conners/Connars/Conors.... in my DS’s class. When we wrote his party invitations he chose Connor as one of the children he wanted to invite. I knew there were 5 Connors (various spellings) in the class but I wouldn’t have known which way each child spelt their name so the easiest question was, “Which Connor?” DS said, “Connor J”. Connor J went on the envelope and teacher knew which Connor’s bag to put the invitation in. I don’t know if I spelt Connor the way he spells it but by using the initial of his surname the right boy got the invitation.

Perfect explanation. People forget that lots of people within a school (midday supervisors, first aiders, heads and deputy, other teachers, other TAS, office staff, parents) might need to know a child's name accurately but might not be familiar with their particular spelling . Adding a family name initial , like adding the class name, just helps to limit the possibilities and confirm the child's identity.

I suggest the OP offers to go into school two weeks before Christmas and tries to match the random spelling on the Christmas cards posted in the school posting box to the right recipients.

@PaternosterLoft

We also had two TAs in the same class - morning and afternoon called Mrs Jones. Now they were called Alex and Betty so the school introduced them to the kids as Mrs A Jones and Mrs B Jones but by half term they were Mrs Afternoon Jones and Mrs Morning Jones.

Last year my DD was taught by Mrs Smith on Monday &Tuesday and Mrs Smith on Wednesday- Friday.

Kids get all sorts of nicknames at school by teachers. DD2 was called by our surname in her first year, because it is the name of a footballer that the teacher liked. He actually asked her if it upset her during parents evening, and she said 'No, I was just a bit surprised because it's not my name....'.

I'm sorry you're upset that your DD's name isn't as special and unique as you thought.

In DD1s class there was a:
Lily
Lillie
Lili (Welsh version)
Lilly

On paper easy to distinguish, but most people don't pay attention to the way a name is spelt in the grand scheme of things..."Oh look at Lily's drawing, isn't she the one with blond curls?"..."Nope that's Lili, Lily is the one with short dark hair"

Whereas "Oh look at Lily A's drawing" is immediately easy to identify which Lily/Lillie/Lili/Lilly is being spoken about!

*@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll I was in pre-school with a “good Gillian” and a “bad Gillian”. I don’t know where/ who those names came from (they were pretty accurate, Bad Gillian was quite the bully) but as a small child I never questioned it. Just accepted those were their names. *

We've got Naughty David and Good David, they're in year 6, it stuck in nursery

(I don't think the teachers refer to them by that though)

Well, that's one easy way of doing it, I suppose! At least they're characteristics related to the kids' chosen behaviour rather than based on something they can't help (or isn't a behaviour issue), like fat, spotty or ugly.

I can't speak for Good David, but as for Naughty David, I assure you that the teachers do most definitely refer to him as that in the privacy of the staff room!!

I'd say it's expected, but if it really bothers you, ask the teacher if they can use a nickname you and your DC like/use. My DH has a really commonly used first name for his generation (think 'John') and by secondary school, his surname initials or a nicknamey version of his surname (Think SD or Smithy-D) were the only name his friends used. The teachers still used 'John S' to differentiate him from the hundreds of other 'Johns' in the class/school. Currently, two teachers leading our school have the same surname, so initials are used there too.

However, as I say, if it bothers you maybe ask them to use a nickname.

I had 3 people of the same name in my class and we were differentiated by surname initial

I am still called it by some of my old schoolfriends 30 years later even though I am married and have changed my name

I like it

Last year I had David Thomas and Thomas Davids. I think the Bursar was having a laugh when those classes were allocated.

We also had Sofia F. and Sophia P.H.

YABU - I'm a teacher. We always have to do this or it causes so much hassle.

@AgentJohnson

I'm really sorry that your carefully thought out very very special name didn't turn out to be as unique as you thought (I know a lot of middle-class mums of Lyras who would sympathise with you) but you are being absurd about this and have already given it so much more thought than it deserves.

This and then some,

Careful, @AgentJohnson, the OP called me a bitch for that post! Though I suspect she has now left the thread as the comments and 96% voting that she's unreasonable weren't quite what she expected...

There were three of us with the same name in my primary school.

I can categorically state it's not made a difference to me, almost fifty years later. It's only when I read things like this I remember.

My daughter's best friend at nursery had the same name as her - they were known as (e.g.) Tabitha A and Tabitha B and would call each other the name with initial even when on playdates with each other. We thought it was funny.

Another girl in the school was one of a number of variously spelled Lucies - her surname was Bell. For about a year I thought her name actually was Lucybelle.

I think the thing is that a lot of parents name their children with the resolution either that 'they'll never have to be called Charlotte B' (and so they give unusual names) or 'they'll have a name that everyone can spell/pronounce' (so they give standard ones). I was very firmly the latter; every time the register was taken I wished I was one of the Hannah S/B/Ts or the Katie A/W/Fs rather than having a name that everyone giggled every time anyone who didn't already know me had to pronounce and that I had (and have) to constantly spell out (and people still get it wrong). So I gave DS a common name with only one spelling, so he'll probably hate being Tom H at school and will give his children unusual names. And so the cycle continues...

The problem is that OP thought she was giving the former kind of name, but now it turns out it's the latter. Which I can see being a (very mild) disappointment but trying to make everyone else minimise their use of the initial is not a proportionate response!

Currently, two teachers leading our school have the same surname, so initials are used there too.

We had two male teachers with the same, far from common, surname, and we only knew that their initials were (respectively) R and S. Some of the boys in our class kept asking the former (our form tutor) what his first name was, so as to be able to differentiate. Unsurprisingly, he wouldn't tell them, so they arbitrarily decided to refer to him as 'Rachael' for the rest of the year, and it kind of stuck.

I later overheard some teachers talking between themselves in the corridor and one said "I was discussing something with Mr Perkins* earlier...." The other teacher asked "Which one?" and she replied, in conspiratorially hushed tones, "Roy". That was a bit of an anticlimax, truth be told!

Writer Evelyn Waugh's wife was also called Evelyn, so apparently, their friends and acquaintances just referred to them as Hevelyn and Shevelyn, to avoid any confusion!

We also had two TAs in the same class - morning and afternoon called Mrs Jones. Now they were called Alex and Betty so the school introduced them to the kids as Mrs A Jones and Mrs B Jones

Slightly off-topic, but on The One Show the other day, hosts Alex Jones and Gethin Jones were joined by guest Ruth Jones. A viewer sent in a doctored version of the programme logo, adding a letter before and a letter after the middle word, so that it read 'The JONES Show'

I worked wit two teachers, one called Miss Brown and the other Mrs Browne! They were called blonde brown and brown brown!

You are being unseasonable.

If you're genuinely from a teaching family you know you are!

I had a really unusual name growing up and no one had ever heard of it. I hated this. About ten years after I was born it became really popular and now lots of people of that generation have my name. I currently work in an office where I am one of three people with that name and I really like it - it's like being in a little gang. So I don't think it's the end of the world for your child to share her name.