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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest to OH he switch his contact day because I'm ill?

59 replies

BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 08:28

I'm ill at the moment, it's not covid I've already had that and since recovered. I took a retest a few weeks ago and I'm now negative.

I feel like death though. I've got a very bad throat, fatigue, slight temp.

OH is due to have the DSC here for tea later on to and to spend a few hours with us.

They've recently returned to school and I think it's a bad idea to be exposing them to germs and running the risk of them having to stay off again after being out of school for so long.

Taking them out for tea isn't an option as one of them has ASD and struggles with eating out at places. It also wouldn't be possible to keep them away from me if they did come round.

There's no big back story, I love them to pieces and this is purely about avoiding them getting ill.

AIBU to suggest to OH he rearrange and make up for today on the weekend when I'm hopefully better?

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 10/09/2020 08:30

You can get covid twice apparently so i would rearrange

OldEvilOwl · 10/09/2020 08:31

Don't suggest it tell him it's not happening

Holyrivolli · 10/09/2020 08:32

Why don’t you just hide out in your bedroom for a few hours and not go near them? There’s no reason for him to cancel.

Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 08:32

It would be possible to get it twice in just a few months? Oh balls Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 08:34

@Holyrivolli

Why don’t you just hide out in your bedroom for a few hours and not go near them? There’s no reason for him to cancel.
I considered that but DSC2 (the one with ASD) would get upset by that.

There's also a chance that OH has whatever I've got and is just asymptomatic (he didn't have symptoms when I was diagnosed with covid either)

OP posts:
june2007 · 10/09/2020 08:35

I would def tell him to mention it, I am not sure if their mum would want the children around if your ill. If he does have the children best to go out somewhere so stay away from you.

Angelina82 · 10/09/2020 08:37

Of course you should rearrange the visit. I’m just surprised you need to ask on here? Is there a backstory or something? Would your OH not take kindly to you suggesting leaving it to the weekend?

TeddyIsaHe · 10/09/2020 08:38

I think the only thing you can do is get your oh to let his ex know you’re unwell, and the dc are likely to catch it no matter how careful you are. But you will have them for dinner as soon as you’re feeling better.

That way she knows the score, and if they do catch it then you can work out childcare arrangements so neither of the families have to take lots of time off work.

RedHelenB · 10/09/2020 08:41

If one has asd then rearranging will likely cause upset too. Just keep out their way.

Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 08:43

@Angelina82

Of course you should rearrange the visit. I’m just surprised you need to ask on here? Is there a backstory or something? Would your OH not take kindly to you suggesting leaving it to the weekend?
No backstory, other than the fact this will be the second time within a few months that he'll have had to cancel due to me being ill.

When I did have covid he couldn't see them for 10-12 days so this is going to be a big inconvenience to their mum who uses the time they spend here to get other things done that are otherwise difficult, shopping etc.

OP posts:
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 10/09/2020 08:50

I'd give the mum the option. It might be inconvenient now but not as much as keeping them off school for two weeks if they catch what you have and display symptoms

BowlerHatPowerHat · 10/09/2020 08:51

Could your OH offer to go shopping for her to make it a bit easier on her.

LouiseTrees · 10/09/2020 08:51

I too think hide out in your bedroom but be very quiet. Ideally try to sleep. Unless you genuinely think it’s Covid, in which case you phone the mum so that it’s clear you are actually ill and tell her you are so sorry. Clearly not doing that before speaking to OH first.

LouiseTrees · 10/09/2020 08:52

@BowlerHatPowerHat

Could your OH offer to go shopping for her to make it a bit easier on her.
Good idea to take OP
Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 08:54

I didn't suspect covid at all until it was raised as a possibility here.

I tested positive late July then recovered, I took a retest a few weeks ago and that was negative.

I came down with whatever this is on Sunday.

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 08:56

Also worth noting is that I was sure I had it in March, textbook symptoms but no test.

I was surprised to test positive in July as I was so sure I had already had it in March.

I did wonder whether the positive result in July was me shedding left over viral load and not active injection, but I don't know.

I do know that as of three weeks ago I was negative.

OH doing his exes shopping is a very good idea and I'm sure he'll be happy to.

OP posts:
chickenortheegg · 10/09/2020 09:01

Your h needs to at least warn his ex that you're ill and could be contagious so mum can make the decision whether to risk sending the kids over. (I know that your h is also the parent so has a right to decide but as the person who'd be looking after them if they got ill, she deserves to know beforehand)

aSofaNearYou · 10/09/2020 09:12

No backstory, other than the fact this will be the second time within a few months that he'll have had to cancel due to me being ill.

Yes but you can't hold yourself to normal standards this year. People are having to be much more careful about illness, so it's not at all surprising this has happened twice.

Even in normal times, people seem to have very different opinions about avoiding illness. I absolutely hate it when someone comes to see me/invites me to see them when they are ill without warning me and giving me a chance to cancel first, and would never do it to someone else, but some people couldn't roll their eyes hard enough at the idea of avoiding seeing someone because they are ill.

In all honesty, I would be SO annoyed if I was their mum and they went over for one small tea (so not even a solid contact block) and came back with a nasty illness I would then have to deal with the fallout of, and I wasn't warned. I think letting her know is the responsible thing to do, and in these circumstances I would absolutely cancel. One meal is just not worth potentially a whole week or more of feeling crap in my book. I think it's considerate to not pass on illnesses if it can be avoided.

We're not having my step son if anyone in our house, or he, is ill with Covid-like symtoms (that could result in time off for any or all of us, him included), and will rearrange for when that person is better. I thought that was just sensible.

Friendsoftheearth · 10/09/2020 09:14

It could be a relapse, it seems to be quite common. There is no way the children should be coming into your house this evening. Dh could take them out elsewhere, and speak to their mother about whether she wants the children to come at all this week.

I would not worry about cancelling, we are going to have to be flexible. We are not living in normal times.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 10/09/2020 09:18

Maybe your h should open a conversation with his ex to work out what to do - you might be contagious, so she might well not even want them with you. Him shopping for her is also a good idea.

It’s a shame you can’t just isolate in your room so they could see their dad - could the dsc who has asd cope if he had time to get used to the idea?

People can get corona twice apparently, but it could also be continuing symptoms that it has left you with after the virus has gone. Apparently that is common. I don’t think you’d be contagious in that case but I’m no expert!

timeisnotaline · 10/09/2020 09:19

Surely it’s their mums call, she will have the fallout if they are ill and need to get tested. But to say it’s not covid and dp is perfectly healthy but we will decide not to have the sdc is a pretty crap approach?

AlternativePerspective · 10/09/2020 09:20

In fairness there has been one recorded case of someone testing positive for COVID twice. Out of millions and millions of people it’s no different to any other illness in that regard.

People need to stop throwing the idea out there that you can have COVID several times because on the whole this is really not the case.

Having said that, I would ask the mum, but unfortunately illness is just a fact of life. If the kids lived with you or if the mum’s partner were to fall ill the option wouldn’t be there to send the kids elsewhere.

TenDays · 10/09/2020 09:22

Can you phone the DSC's mother? I'm sure she'd be horrified to know how ill you feel and will make the decision for you!

She should also appreciate your concern for her children. I certainly would.

OhCaptain · 10/09/2020 09:22

It’s not just their mum’s call! It’s their dad’s too. Surely it’s a no-brainer?

We’ve had it drilled into us for months all over the world. You have symptoms, you isolate until testing negative (here anyway.).

Testing negative three weeks ago doesn’t mean you don’t have it now.

Tell mum. Get tested. Make it up by shopping for her as PP suggested.

Okayokayok · 10/09/2020 09:22

If he would be upset at you staying in your bedroom due to his asd then I imagine cancelling all together would upset him even more no?