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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest to OH he switch his contact day because I'm ill?

59 replies

BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 08:28

I'm ill at the moment, it's not covid I've already had that and since recovered. I took a retest a few weeks ago and I'm now negative.

I feel like death though. I've got a very bad throat, fatigue, slight temp.

OH is due to have the DSC here for tea later on to and to spend a few hours with us.

They've recently returned to school and I think it's a bad idea to be exposing them to germs and running the risk of them having to stay off again after being out of school for so long.

Taking them out for tea isn't an option as one of them has ASD and struggles with eating out at places. It also wouldn't be possible to keep them away from me if they did come round.

There's no big back story, I love them to pieces and this is purely about avoiding them getting ill.

AIBU to suggest to OH he rearrange and make up for today on the weekend when I'm hopefully better?

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 10/09/2020 09:26

Having said that, I would ask the mum, but unfortunately illness is just a fact of life. If the kids lived with you or if the mum’s partner were to fall ill the option wouldn’t be there to send the kids elsewhere.

I just don't understand why you wouldn't choose to avoid it when it IS entirely possible.

Babyboomtastic · 10/09/2020 09:27

If they come over, they risk getting I'll, which would mean they (and mum) would be self isolating until test results come through. That's far more disruption than a candelled tea.

Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 09:27

I've just had a quick chat with OH, he's going to tell her everything I've said here and see how she wants to proceed. I've made it clear I think it's best we postpone.

Staying out of DSC way will be very difficult if they did come. I don't have a lock on the bedroom door for starters and they absolutely will come bombing in. We're very close and I spend alot of time with them when they do come.

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 09:28

@Okayokayok

If he would be upset at you staying in your bedroom due to his asd then I imagine cancelling all together would upset him even more no?
Yes, but it's the lesser of two evils if it means she doesn't get sick.
OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 10/09/2020 09:43

Could you offer to pay for a babysitter, for the mum so she can go shopping alone?

cdtaylornats · 10/09/2020 09:54

Explain that if it is COVID then you worry she will have to self-isolate with the kids for 14 days.

ReviewingTheSituation · 10/09/2020 09:58

To the poster who said there had been ONE reported case of someone getting it twice...

My friend's mum is in a care home. Tested positive for CV back in May/June time. Was mildly symptomatic. Several other residents and staff had it at the same time.

Care home is now in a regime of testing all residents and staff either weekly or 2 weekly (can't remember which). 5 of them, all asymptomatic, tested positive last week (having recorded negative results on previous tests). So I'm pretty sure there is a lot more repeat infection going around than we probably think.

Chickenitalia · 10/09/2020 10:03

Covid or not, I would put it to their mum and see what she says. Loads of kids here have had to stay home from school due to temps and coughs which require testing, but it’s been a nightmare actually getting the test, so they’ve been home for days until the tests do come through. So far all negative, but it’s caused a lot of disruption to working parents having to stay home again.

If you tell her she can decide which is the worse disruption. Missing out on their visit with oh or missing school (if they are school age). That would be the decision I would weigh up if it was me.

Hope you feel better soon.

Angelina82 · 10/09/2020 10:06

No backstory, other than the fact this will be the second time within a few months that he'll have had to cancel due to me being ill.

When I did have covid he couldn't see them for 10-12 days so this is going to be a big inconvenience to their mum who uses the time they spend here to get other things done that are otherwise difficult, shopping etc.

Aw that’s a shame. In that case you’re absolutely right to have decided to explain and situation and put the ball in the children’s mum’s court. Get well soon Flowers

Lucygucy · 10/09/2020 10:08

Could he look after them at their mum's house? She can then (hopefully) still do her plans. I don't know if that would confuse the Dc though. Or if you get on well enough for that.

Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 10:09

It's a huge PITA, aside the disruption for the children I'm also having to stop seeing my elderly DM who I've been supporting alot recently. It's just not worth taking the risk imo.

I've had two tests already and given the fact the most recent one was negative (after the positive in July) I don't think they'll send out another.

There are no testing facilities anywhere near us either.

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 10:10

OH has sent a text to let her know what's going on (she works mornings so can't call) so we'll see what she says.

OP posts:
WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 10/09/2020 10:19

Could he see them at their mums or grandparents house ? That way their mum still gets a break.

Illdealwithitinaminute · 10/09/2020 10:24

Giving people a choice is always a good idea. I wouldn't want my kids coming around, especially as you seem to be relapsing/getting corona twice (or still shedding?) very curious.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 10/09/2020 10:51

Could he see them at their mums or grandparents house ? That way their mum still gets a break.

But OP's partner could be carrying the virus especially as he didn't really show symptoms from last time, not really a good idea for him to be going to other households.

Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 11:13

Had it not been for the (albeit small) chance of a covid resurgence then him seeing them at her house would be a good alternative. Given that we can't completely rule covid out in a timely manner it won't be feasible for him to go there today, just incase.

Just waiting to hear back from mum to see what she wants to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 14:18

She said she has things to do that she can't get out of so he's to have them as planned, she isn't worried about me having covid again as I recently tested negative and it's unlikely I've caught it twice.

Looks like I'll have to barricade myself in the bedroom.

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 14:30

I'm quite pissed off to be honest and think it's irresponsible.

OP posts:
wildcherries · 10/09/2020 14:38

I hope no one else gets ill. Agree it's irresponsible on her part. If needed you'll have to remind her that she made the decision ultimately. This isn't on you or OH. Feel better soon.

Original poster
BastardingBug · 10/09/2020 14:49

Thank you wildcherries

I'm cautiously optimistic that it isn't covid I have again. I have a (sorry!) upset stomach now and feel v nauseous so it's probably an unrelated virus.

Still, now isn't the time to be willingly exposing children to any illnesses especially with how strict schools are on children attending in good health. I've heard parents are being turned away if their children have so much as a sniffle.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 10/09/2020 15:00

It is irresponsible OP but try not to get stressed about it, it's not your problem. Just focus on resting up!

RedHelenB · 10/09/2020 15:42

I dont agree. He's the father, contact is allowed. If the mother is I'll she still.has to have the child.

Potterpotterpotter · 10/09/2020 15:47

If she has plans then she has plans. If the mum was ill would you be having them for a week or two solid until she was better?

EatDessertFirst · 10/09/2020 15:48

I agree with RedHelenB. Its not irresponsible of their mother. Its just bad luck that you are ill but your DH has responsibilities that outweigh that. Your DH will be have to have the DC and she is entitled to free time which I'm sure she needs just like any other parent/person. Its up to your DH to keep the children away from you and manage the expectations/behaviour of the child with ASD. These are unusual times but allowances must be made on both sides It sounds like their mother has already compromised before and now cannot. Sorry OP. It sucks but parents don't get to pick and choose. If I was ill, I would still have to parent.

aSofaNearYou · 10/09/2020 15:58

If the mother is I'll she still.has to have the child

It's not about who HAS to have the child, it's about kindly keeping them away from exposure to a nasty bug. It's not about getting out of having them. If the mum has plans and would rather risk it, then fair enough, but I would personally cancel any plans I had or arrange childcare to avoid my DD getting sick so I do still think it's an irresponsible choice.

With that in mind, does your OH know anybody else who could babysit for the night OP, grandparents perhaps?