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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel miffed at partner’s nights away

59 replies

Auberginehater · 09/09/2020 19:30

Bit of background, 3 DCs- Two girls from my previous marriage, one 8 month old baby. Partner’s mother lives nearby, increasingly he will decide to stay over at her house one night a week. Leaves in the evening, not back until the following afternoon. This really annoys me. I feel as if I’m left, literally “holding the baby”. None of my friends live nearby, and with Covid at the moment, not easy to organise an evening meet up either.
Am I being silly?!
I’m entirely ready to be told that I am! I don’t want to be controlling, or stop him going out, but I feel like once a week overnight is a bit much! He is/was an only child, and says that he just needs some down time, which I understand, but it’s really eating into what I see as “our” weekend time together. Please let me know your thoughts.

OP posts:
TH22 · 09/09/2020 19:33

YONBU

A grown man with a family at home who needs to stay at his mum's once a week? He's being selfish and ridiculous. We all need downtime, doesn't mean he should regularly abandon his family to get it. He needs to let go of his mum's apron strings!

notsohothotchoc · 09/09/2020 19:33

I would be miffed too. Where's your peaceful night.

Any reason to think that he's not telling the truth.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 09/09/2020 19:35

Are you given advance warning that he will be staying over or does he just go and text you late in the evening as a done deal?

Can his mother come and visit him every other week maybe? He sounds like he's enjoying getting looked after by mummy while you're stuck at home. Phone her the next time and make up a "baby won't settle, please tell him he needs to come home" scenario.

Mellonsprite · 09/09/2020 19:35

No YANBU, it’s ridiculous to stay overnight with his mum, even if it’s close by.
He’s leaving you in the lurch with the baby and it’s like he’s not fully bought into the idea he has family responsibilities now?

Elasticate · 09/09/2020 19:36

What downtime do you get?

I couldn't accept this. He is a grown man. He shouldn't be running back to mummy.

Dozer · 09/09/2020 19:36

Not a good sign about him as a partner or parent.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2020 19:36

He's staying at his mum's? Really? Hmm

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 09/09/2020 19:38

Where’s your equal downtime away from family responsibilities?

Why does he think he should be the only one to get a peaceful break?

Notapheasantplucker · 09/09/2020 19:40

He's staying at his mum's? Really? Hmm

Exactly this.

HandfulofDust · 09/09/2020 19:42

When do you get your night off a week? (Even if you don't leave the house you could have an evening reading a book or watching a film while he holds the baby).

Sirzy · 09/09/2020 19:44

I’m not normally a suspicious type but I would be wondering if it really was his mothers he was staying at

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2020 19:47

I think you're deluding yourself if you really believe he's sitting around all night watching telly with his dear old mum and then can't manage to get home until the afternoon. Come on now, get serious.

Gobbycop · 09/09/2020 19:49

Needs some down time 😂

So all being equal you can fuck off for a night too then, every week.

Sounds like he wants the easy life.

russetred · 09/09/2020 19:49

You mention the weekend - is he going round there every Sat night and coming back Sun afternoon? That's a lot of the weekend to be stuck on your own with the kids, I would seriously have to put my foot down. Once a month, maybe, but no way once a week.

minipie · 09/09/2020 19:51

YANBU at all

At best he’s avoiding his responsibilities as a parent

At worst he’s not at his mum’s

Have you posted about this before, it seems familiar?

sitckmansladylove · 09/09/2020 19:52

I would hate this. When i had our dc dh would spend Saturday's visiting his parents and arrive home at 6pm looking for dinner. I nearly left him over it. Its fine now but selfish behaviour to leave for that long. You need to get out for two evenings to make up for his stint out. Even gym or coffee shop or late night shopping

Embracelife · 09/09/2020 19:52

Drop the baby round at his mum s leave them to it

blanchmange50 · 09/09/2020 19:52

yeah he is at his mums....are you sure?

Skyla2005 · 09/09/2020 20:00

I would be doing a little drive by to see if his really there. What grown man sleeps at his mums once a week that’s wierd

Original poster
Auberginehater · 09/09/2020 20:02

To answer a few questions at once:

  • I genuinely do think that he’s at his mums. I have no reason at all to doubt this. She’s fairly young, and rather childish.
  • No, I haven’t posted this before
  • He does say that I would be welcome to go out whenever I liked, but to be honest I have nowhere that I would like to stay overnight every week!
OP posts:
Notapheasantplucker · 09/09/2020 20:05

What do you mean by childish?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2020 20:10

I genuinely do think that he’s at his mums. I have no reason at all to doubt this.

I think the reason is because once a week, this supposedly grown man would rather spend the night with mummy instead of his partner and baby. I don't care how "young and childish" his mum is. If he's not up to no good then he has massive mummy issues, and either scenario is a deal breaker. This is simply not normal or acceptable.

Original poster
Auberginehater · 09/09/2020 20:12

@Notapheasantplucker

What do you mean by childish?
That was probably a little harsh; It’s also probably a little beside the point but she’s quite “giggly” and her behaviour and language reminds me of a teenager’s rather than an adults. She’ll text him, asking him to make her some dinner, or pick something up for her, rather than just being an adult and doing it herself.
OP posts:
Clymene · 09/09/2020 20:17

So he's leaving you home with your baby for nearly 24 hours every week while his mum fawns over him? Fuck that

Sparklesocks · 09/09/2020 20:19

It seems a bit child like of him.