The term ''baby brain'' as a poor excuse

[DilemmaADay]

Not sure if this is unreasonable or not, but does anyone find people using "oops, baby brain" as an excuse when pregnant very irritating.

My SIL has been pregnant for the past few months and I brought her a voucher for a lovely meal out for her and DH for her birthday earlier this year (pre covid). I got nothing for my birthday, not even a card. I didnt mention it but when I heard from her she said she had completely forgotten my birthday and blamed it on "baby brain" with a tinkely little laugh. I havent had a belated card or anything, so I took that as she CBA rather than she genuinely forgot.

She recently used the term again when she forgot to get in touch with my DP about something. "Oops, baby brain!".

Funnily enough she never seems to forget anything benefiting her of her DH....
Does anyone else think the phrase 'baby brain' is a bit of a cop out? I have 1DC who I didnt suffer this with as far as I know

I forgot the odd thing here and there but not important things like someone’s birthday

Does she normally “forget” things like this or Is it only since becoming pregnant?

Shes never been great anyway, tends to focus on her own 'little family' rather than extended family or friends much. This came before pregnancy but think she now uses it as an excuse to be more ditzy than appear thoughtless

Me trying to put the kettle in the fridge when I had a newborn and was beyond tired, was baby brain. Sounds like she’s using it as a an excuse unless she’s having a particularly stressful pregnancy.

Your SIL is nasty.

Baby brain is real for many people, I’ve been floored by how bad my memory is atm. I forget conversations minutes after they happen etc. Sleep deprivation and hormones are terrible for some. I am normally very organised and don’t forget anything but right now my head is cotton wool.

But it doesn’t excise nastiness and your SIL appears to just not like you!

I went to do the weekly shop when I was pregnant and came home with absolutely nothing. Just couldn’t manage it. My brain just wouldn’t function normally.

Just because it didn’t happen to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen to anyone.

If baby brain is real I don't think pregnant women should be allowed to do important jobs.

Baby brain exists. That’s been proven. But it’s little stuff that tends to slide not big stuff like this.

When I was pregnant, I was writing out cards and had them put to the side whilst I got ready to go to their house. Turned round to pick the cards up and could not find them. Spent ages trying to find them before bursting into tears with sheer frustration.

Dh found them not long later...I’d put them back where I had gotten them out from

YABU

I'm pregnant with twins - it's physically demanding and I'm knackered a lot of the time. I'm WFH and seems like when I'm head down concentrating on work my brain functions "normally" outside of that you could ask me my own name Some days I might struggle to answer, half the time I couldn't tell you what day of the week it is and I forget where random things are 🤣

@DragonPie

Me trying to put the kettle in the fridge when I had a newborn and was beyond tired, was baby brain. Sounds like she’s using it as a an excuse unless she’s having a particularly stressful pregnancy.

That reminds of the post birth period I had where I occasionally put the iron away in the fridge.

Not things like birthdays and stuff but I've definitely experienced baby Brian in the sense of putting kettle in fridge etc...

So I probably think your SIL is using it as a cop out but I think it exists.

brain not baby Brian.

If baby brain is real I don't think pregnant women should be allowed to do important jobs.
This is why we do no favours to our gender when we skip about blaming baby brain. Extreme fatigue due to a difficult pregnancy is very different, using the term baby brain suggest women are incapable when pregnant, which as most of us know if far from true.

Is your SIL married to your brother - or is she your husband's sister? If it's the former, why aren't you annoyed at your brother?

baby Brian is innocent!

Baby brain for me (practically 38w) is losing words for every day things and having to talk around them to describe something before someone gets bored and gives me the word 😂

Yesterday it was 'can you turn on that thing, you know the silver thing water comes from, not the cold one though, that other thing that gets warm, it's the one that is connected to the boiler but not the one we use for filling the kettle.... I've forgotten the word for it.... ' (tap) 😂

Baby brain is definitely a thing. I guess everyone is different though, maybe your SIL is genuine, maybe not and uses it as an excuse (in which case that's not cool).

Hairspray under my arms.

Deodorant on my toothbrush.

Biscuits in the freezer.

It exists alright, but I never forgot things that were important to me. I set reminders and wrote myself notes. It sounds like an excuse from your SIL.

I forgot the word windowsill while pregnant; I very vividly remember trying to describe the “shelf below the window” knowing there was an actual word for it. I also got my DD to make Christmas cards for everyone and only realised after Christmas that we never sent them although that’s fairly typical of me anyway actually. I do think it’s a thing but as your sil has form for that kind of thing I can understand why it feels like a rubbish excuse

If it exists it exists.

Pregnant women SHOULD NOT be allowed to carry on as doctors or surgeons or nurses of lawyers or solicitors...

Baby brain is real... it’s definitely made me a bit absent minded.. e.g getting everything out for dinner and forgetting to put it in the oven.

But I haven’t forgotten how to do my “important” job... what a ridiculous thing to say.

I don’t think it’s an excuse for not buying birthday presents though.

Being pregnant made me a little more forgetful, maybe just because I wasn't sleeping well. I wouldn't use that as an excuse to be a dick though. Your sil sounds irritating.

Oh, it's the incel/MHHW poster come to tell us how things should be.

Totes sweet!

Pregnant women SHOULD NOT be allowed to carry on as doctors or surgeons or nurses of lawyers or solicitors...

Why do lawyers & solicitors need their own nurse?

Baby brain is very real for some women. Add sleep deprivation to vast hormonal changes and life change and it’s not hard to forget someone’s birthday!

That said maybe she can’t be bothered with remembering birthdays other than her immediate family. I think birthdays are overrated for adults and I wish people wouldn’t make a thing of mine. I remember DH’s, DC’s and very close friends but not extended family!

Well the problem isn't the existence or not of "baby brain", it's that your SIL and her husband don't treat you well. Blame them as people, and not just her.