Is my sister making a difference with my kids

[HGwarrior]

My sister has never really taken an interest My kids and always spent time and money on her partners nephew and nieces despite mine being her family I always found this upsetting and for my
Kids too .

Now my other sister has had a baby and she is spending time money and investing a lot more than she ever did with my kids. I feel like it is she is making this position so obvious to the rest of the family by showering new baby with gifts when mine barely got a thing or even a visit.

When my first baby was born she was my closest family member geographically and never bothered to visit insisting she couldn’t afford bus fair.

I suppose it really hurts me for my
Kids and I have no one to talk to about it without sounding jealous or bitter, I just wonder if anyone has experienced anything similar how did you react or deal with it? X

Gosh your sister is a bitch! I would distance my self from her

@cookielove thanks good too know I’m
Not going mad !

I really struggle to understand this. I afore my nieces. I can't imagine picking and choosing. It's hard because you can understand what is going on but as the kids get older and notice they don't understand. Your sister is being unfair and not very caring. Yanbu to feel this. Only thing you can do is love them and make sure they have good connections with others like good friends or other family.

What’s your relationship like with your sister before all of this?

Was your sister younger when your kids were born? Perhaps she has matured and maybe even more broody herself now and that is why she is focussing on babies etc?

If you don't think that's the case then she might be taking an interest in the other kids because she wants the parents approval and doesn't care about yours. Is there a history of you not getting on? Have you ever raised it with her?

Maybe she likes the other sister more than you?

Maybe she’s at a different stage of her life now than she was when yours were young, and has more time or money to give now.

Maybe she didn’t like your attitude of expectation around your children?

Maybe your other sister has a better way of communicating with her?

What was your relationship with your sister like growing up? Did you and her never see eye to eye/never hang out together/always argue and her and your other sister were closer?
How old are your kids? Was she very poor when they were born (the bus fare comment) maybe she has more money now? Or Covid has made her realise how important family is?

Her interest in the children is directly related to her interest in you. You need to examine your relationship. It might not be equal or similar to the relationship she has with your other sibling(s).

@Potterpotterpotter prior to my first child being born I would have spent a large chunk of my
Weekend and free time helping her emotionally financially obviously once baby was born my life was different and she took very little interest and never visited.

@Iggypoppie my sister was younger when my
First was born but even then she seems to
Prefer her partners nephew and nieces and I or does make our relationship difficult the different treatment.

@BrieAndChilli I would definitely say her and my
Other sister are much more similar and I accept
They prob get on better and have similar personalities

It's hard to say really. My sisters have four children between them. I have spent more time with one sisters youngest than I have with my other sisters combined! She is one of those people that expects everyone to worship her/her family but doesn't make effort for anyone else.

Maybe she is just horrible but since you seem upset about it try thinking/investigating around it from her point of view.

What happened when your kids were born? We're they the first grandchildren? Did she feel blocked out by other members of the family? Did she not appreciate how much of your attention would be taken up by having kids?

You could try sort of love bombing your sister, try to get her to meet you without the kids, build the relationship back up and then try to talk to her about it.

@ThePlantsitter yes my baby was first grandchild she was my only family living close enough to visit like regularly but she didn’t.

I am so hurt by it but now it feels more pointed and obvious

Gosh I’ve had a lot of mixed responses thanks everyone I would not say myself and sister have the best relationship in the world and she definitely distanced herself once baby was born I often wonders if it was because I didn’t have the same time to give as before.

But obviously this something I have to accept and get on with from poll results , just sad for my kids.

I'm sure it does and I sympathise. The trouble is most people, if you try to confront them by saying 'you're doing this', will respond by denying they're doing it. If you want to make it better you need to talk to her, and the must productive way of starting a conversation is by thinking about what she might have been feeling at that time.

I'm not saying you are wrong or your feelings don't matter, it's just a practical way in to thinking/taking about it.

@ThePlantsitter I totally get what your Saying and sadly my sister is the type of person if I raised
This would be incredibly upset make a huge fuss and to the point that I’d end up looking worse. She is a very defensive person and other family
Members would struggle to reason with her or have a conversation about something sensible.

@HunterHearstHelmsley I’ve always been pretty independent so I don’t tend to ask for help much and get on with things. That maybe perceived differently

Favouritism sucks so obviously you are not being unreasonable to feel second best. But OP, are you sure it isn't your kids? Are they honestly nice, good company, compared to others in the family? Are you sure they're not brats / whiny / bad company?

Hi lost at sea honestly she would never have taken enough interest in them to know what they like or dislike, I don’t think they are the best behaved kids I the world but she hasn’t been hands on at all to know their personality

It sounds very strange. Is there some history between you? I can't imagine not visiting a nephew or niece because I couldn't scrape together bus fair. Of course your hurt by her behaviour. Have other family members noticed?

She sounds like a difficult character. There will be some reason why it suits her to lavish more attention/money etc on the other kids. It won't be you.

You could try turning it round to being pleased that your kids are not beholden to her for anything/ the kids are protected from her tendency to blow hot and cold. It's tricky I know.

@Wheresthebiffer2 yep that makes sense she has zero interest in me compared to my other sibling and she makes a difference in how she treats me too so I suppose I can’t expect any difference with my kids .

The awful
Thing is I feel on my part I treat all my siblings the same.

@HandfulofDust yes other family members have noticed I’ve just never made a fuss about it. I try not to create any difficulties with it and just accept it.

@ThePlantsitter in some ways it’s a blessing as she is either very up or down depending on her mood. My worry is my kids will be noticing this very soon and how do I explain it to them.