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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

feeling ganged up on in work...

56 replies

Sarah510 · 08/09/2020 15:35

It's a horrible feeling. I have an immediate boss, and then the next boss up is very new, like 4 months, and I had a problem, went to immediate boss and she shut me down, so I asked for a meeting with the next boss up present. I don't know him at all, have had zero contact with him since he started, he's not really my boss, he's just kinda standing in kinda, and he basically just lets her have her head with everything. So she set up a meeting with the 3 of us, and because I don't know him, I rang him, and explained my 'side of the story', and he immediately said he supported mary (immediate boss) and that she had spoken to him about my problem, and he supported her. Just feel like I've nobody 'on my side' who likes me, who I can go to. He's like her puppy dog, basically she is in charge now, and he just toes the line. I cant talk to my colleague (who's at the same level as me) as she is preg, and I think she's stressed, so I dont' want to bother her with my stuff. FEeling v upset, just that I've been out-manouvered IUKWIM. I suppose I was naieve thinking he would 'have my back'. Why would he. I'd say they are talking about me as a 'problem' now, that has to be reigned in and 'sat on'.

OP posts:

LonelyFromCorona · 08/09/2020 15:42

Without the context of the 'problem', I doubt most here will be able to advise. For all we know what your behaviour/request/problem is unreasonable and so it is unlikely any manager would disagree with your immediate manager.

Where you say he "immediately said he supported mary", probably not the best attitude/approach from him, could have been more tactful. But without more context...

dollypartonscoat · 08/09/2020 15:43

It depends what the problem was really

TownHallDesigner · 08/09/2020 15:44

Very difficult to comment on this without knowing what your problem was.

Asking for more training on a new system = he should support you and figure out how this can be done.

You asking for a £20k pay rise, your own parking space, and a dedicated tea lady for your office = not much that can be done and management should waste time if it means your hopes and realistic expectations are risen.

Everything between those two pillars depends on the issue.

FieldOverFence · 08/09/2020 15:52

Unless we were talking about something agregious, it wouldn't be unusal for your manager's manager to support them in their decisions. Undermining her to you would be a really dick move, frankly.

Now it all depends on what the problem is of course... if she is clearly bang out of line its a different story. But if it's a decision she's taken that can be justified, then he's right to support her

FatBottomedGurl · 08/09/2020 15:56

This is why God invented HR Departments.

To be honest, straight up asking for a second opinion from the "bigger boss" when you didn't get the answer you wanted isn't the most professional approach and not how I would have gone about this. However, now that you have liaised with management, and if you still feel the matter warrants further investigation by an unbiased party - contact your HR Dept.

HR Dept are hired by the employer and therefore working to their best interests. With that said, if you have a valid point or your rights are being overruled, they need to step in to cover their asses. As other PP have said, it would be helpful if you could give us info on the actual issue so we can properly advise you.

Manolin · 08/09/2020 15:57

Either you are wrong and you need to recognise that and focus on being a collaborative employee.

Or you have a genuine grievance and they are not listening to you, in which case start to consider if this is the right company for you.

You need to be honest with yourself which of these it is.

ChaChaCha2012 · 08/09/2020 15:58

What is the problem and how long have you worked there?

Waveysnail · 08/09/2020 15:59

Union?

BlueJava · 08/09/2020 16:02

It's hard to comment without knowing what the issue is.

It's a bit strange to go to your boss's boss - he probably isn't her "puppy dog" at all - may be he has told her to manage it and he doesn't want to get involved as he has other things to do. Certainly if her a large number of people in the team I wouldn't expect him to get involved with 1 person's issues. You seem to have a bit of an immature view of work as well - it's not about "sides" it's about resolving something and moving on.

Flatpackback · 08/09/2020 16:04

Aren't you in a union?

MadameButterface · 08/09/2020 16:04

As others have said, it’s impossible to advise any further without knowing more specifics. However, you do sound like you are taking it very personally. Calling him ‘her puppy dog’ just because he is supporting her in her decision sounds a bit immature. Are you pissed off because you tried to get your side in first and she beat you to it? Of course senior management are going to discuss problems with one another, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be speaking ill of you or that they’ve ganged up on you. But it’s impossible to say anything else without more information

MadameButterface · 08/09/2020 16:06

And it’s not about people liking you or whatever, it’s about best practice in the workplace. How old are you and what is your job?

canigooutyet · 08/09/2020 16:14

No idea if you're being unreasonable of not without more details.

Crankley · 08/09/2020 16:22

I don't think 'ganged up on' is correct. Your manager's superior simply supported his/her decision, as one would expect him/her to do unless he/she was really bad at their job. Presumably you're mad because you didn't (presumably) get what you asked for

User7312019 · 08/09/2020 16:25

And if he had supported your view instead of your boss’s would you have viewed it as you two ganging up on her? You don’t sound particularly professional.

OrangeJoos · 08/09/2020 16:30

It would really depend what the problem is tbh. It may well be that he's right to agree with Mary. We couldn't possibly say without knowing more.

VettiyaIruken · 08/09/2020 16:32

Depends really on if you actually are or are not the problem

LordEmsworth · 08/09/2020 16:33

There is no way on this earth that I would go to my boss' boss to challenge my boss, unless it was really serious - a major ethical concern, or serious concerns about a lack of support. It's not clear whether your "problem" is serious or not - why do you need someone to "have your back"?

If one of my team went to my boss because they didn't like the answer I'd given them, I would expect my boss not to undermine me. If I was wrong then I'd expect that to be a conversation between me and my boss - not my boss slagging me off to my team-member. It doesn't sound like anyone's ganging up on you, but does sound as though you don't like your boss and so have decided they're in the wrong...

LemonTT · 08/09/2020 16:39

Well if tried a manoeuvre you have to expect to be out manoeuvred.

Like others said, I expect my boss to have my back not to be a conduit for someone to go over my head when I make a decision or to be a shadow in a 1:1 meeting.

SingingInTheShithouse · 08/09/2020 16:44

Sorry but you asked fir it when you went over her head to set up a meeting with her boss. Without context, it comes across as you're not accepting a no & taking it higher, I think that would piss anyone off

easythatsfragile · 08/09/2020 16:49

@SingingInTheShithouse

The OP had already tried to sort the issue out with her boss and didn't get anywhere. So she took the next step which is naturally to go to the next boss up.

What else would you suggest she could have done instead?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/09/2020 16:50

So... you went up a level to your bosses boss to get another opinion. But when someone else does that's not fair?

Nope! The way you describe them isn't at all pleasant, maybe they have an issue with that attitude. You may have been there longer but they are still your bosses!

We can't know!

PeaceLoveAndCandy · 08/09/2020 16:53

YABU on the basis of not enough information to form an opinion, soz.

MadameButterface · 08/09/2020 16:55

We don’t know without knowing what the issue is. If it’s something that the workplace is absolutely unable to facilitate, then going over the line manager’s head is pointless and unreasonable. If it’s a request that is ultimately at the manager’s discretion then manager’s discretion means exactly that and again going over her head looks like sour grapes. If it’s a reasonable request eg applying to drop hours or work flexibly or any other potentially reasonable adjustment to conditions that has been unreasonably refused, then it depends what the workplace stated grievance procedure says. But it’s impossible to say without knowing the details.

viques · 08/09/2020 16:57

You went over your immediate boss's head to arrange a meeting with the next layer up.

Then you tried to skew the meeting in your favour (oh yes you did ) pre-empting it by phoning the top guy to "explain your side of the story".

But , oops, your boss got in first and had already spoken to him, which is not surprising, if the reason you asked for the meeting (whatever it is) is not really anything to do with him of course he is going to ask your boss wtf it is all about he wastes his time with it.

As others have said, you have been wrong footed. Next time work out problems with your boss directly, use your 1-1 meetings to discuss problems like an adult.

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