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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

feeling ganged up on in work...

56 replies

Sarah510 · 08/09/2020 15:35

It's a horrible feeling. I have an immediate boss, and then the next boss up is very new, like 4 months, and I had a problem, went to immediate boss and she shut me down, so I asked for a meeting with the next boss up present. I don't know him at all, have had zero contact with him since he started, he's not really my boss, he's just kinda standing in kinda, and he basically just lets her have her head with everything. So she set up a meeting with the 3 of us, and because I don't know him, I rang him, and explained my 'side of the story', and he immediately said he supported mary (immediate boss) and that she had spoken to him about my problem, and he supported her. Just feel like I've nobody 'on my side' who likes me, who I can go to. He's like her puppy dog, basically she is in charge now, and he just toes the line. I cant talk to my colleague (who's at the same level as me) as she is preg, and I think she's stressed, so I dont' want to bother her with my stuff. FEeling v upset, just that I've been out-manouvered IUKWIM. I suppose I was naieve thinking he would 'have my back'. Why would he. I'd say they are talking about me as a 'problem' now, that has to be reigned in and 'sat on'.

OP posts:
SingingInTheShithouse · 08/09/2020 16:57

Easy, without more information as to what the issue was, it would be impossible to say whether there was a genuine issue to deal with, or the OP, is just someone who doesn't like to be managed

PegasusReturns · 08/09/2020 17:00

Going over your bosses head is always a risk and should only be done when there is a serious risk to the business or employees. It’s certainly not to be used simply because you don’t like someone’s approach.

Without knowing why you did that I.e. what the problem was it’s impossible to advise.

SingingInTheShithouse · 08/09/2020 17:01

Though thinking on it, if i was new to a senior managerial role & I have a subordinate member of staff trying to go over a managers head in such a way. I'd be labelling them a trouble maker & poor team player & would want them gone

viques · 08/09/2020 17:01

Before he wastes his time with it .

JustFrustrated · 08/09/2020 17:03

I've gone above my boss before. Following an APR.

I disagreed with her appraisal. I left the meeting downbeat and feeling crap, she left thinking she'd been singing my praises.

I had a meeting with my bosses boss and it all resolved really well and I still have brilliant relationships with both of them.

However

1/. We (as in the entire account) operate on a "any one can contact anyone" basis. We don't have an hierarchy of escalation as such,whilst my boss, her boss and then their bosses are just that - the boss, we're all equal humans.

Is this the culture in your company or not?

2/. My issue wasn't related to my boss, it was about me. Turns out it was pisspoor communication on both sides.

Was your issue about your boss or a different employment related matter?

3/. Did you follow the correct procedure for your problem?

4/. If I called my bosses boss purely to get her to "take my side" against my boss, or any other member of the management team, she'd have their back in public, but not necessarily in private. I wouldn't be privvy to that, unless I'd raised a formal grievance. Could that be the case?

RoomOfRequirement · 08/09/2020 17:08

What's the point in creating a thread with almost no information? So frustrating

SpaceOP · 08/09/2020 17:14

Whether your boss or your boss's boss like you should be irrelevant. if there's a genuine issue, it needs to be dealt with. if there isn't, you are the one creating problems. And the fact that you see this as them ganging up on you is concerning. Obviously, if it's a case of serious bullying or something, then you do need to address it, but the way you've positioned it here it's like you don't agree with something your immediate boss has said or asked you to do and now you're trying to get others on side.

As for your boss's boss default being to support her - good on him. That should be the default. She told him what it was about, probably because he asked her why the hell he needed a meeting with both of you. Now you're trying to go round her to get him "onside" before the meeting. So you're basically trying to make it so that you and him gang up on her.

Personally, if there's something genuine here, I'd go to HR. Or send a formal email to your boss's boss explaining your concerns ahead of the meeting. All this backdoor stuff is not very helpful right now.

WhatWouldJKRDo · 08/09/2020 17:14

In this instance you should approach your union rep or your HR. Unless your direct report was a total butthead, of course the next level up the chain would support her.

DPotter · 08/09/2020 17:16

I think your mistake was to approach your boss's boss before the meeting. Your boss had agreed to, and set up a 3 way which was good of her. She could have shut you down at the first meeting. Any boss worth their salt is going to back their reporting managers to one of their subordinates, so approaching him was out of order and you will have pissed them both off.

You should have sent a summary of your concerns and options for moving forward to BOTH of them before the meeting, allowing the boss's boss time to prepare and keeping your boss in the loop.

I'm sorry but however genuine your concerns, however good your proposals/ argument, they will see you now as something of a trouble-maker, which is why they now seem tight - you're a common enemy.

Would suggest you apologise to both of them and blame your passion for the job, rather than someone who wants to undermine managers. Keep your head down and keep an eye out for another job

Brighterthansunflowers · 08/09/2020 17:18

Impossible to know who is BU without knowing what the problem is. So YABU for expecting sensible answers without giving any details, even vaguely like saying flexible working request, wanted to change a process, etc

But going over your bosses head when they tell you no and feeling picked on because their boss agreed with them is not a great attitude in most circumstances.

Shoxfordian · 08/09/2020 17:26

It really depends on what the problem was so yabu giving us half a story

Peachy1381 · 08/09/2020 17:29

A lot depends on the problem. Hard to call it without knowing more.... But obviously her boss was going to have her back. To be honest it sounds a bit like you were trying to tell tales and its not worked out...

cameocat · 08/09/2020 17:33

We would need way more details to see if you were right. I don't think this is hanging up, it is raising an issue that hasn't gone your way. However, if an HR issue or similar there are situations where you can request a representative.

Mmn654123 · 08/09/2020 17:34

Based on what you’ve said, time to find another job - doesn’t sound like you will be happy in this team.

nosswith · 08/09/2020 17:36

Without details and the OP having not returned two hours later, I expect no-one can be much help.

pictish · 08/09/2020 17:39

Two people in agreement don’t equate ‘ganging up’.
How are we to know whether you’re in the wrong or in the right?

Jagoda · 08/09/2020 17:53

I suspect the devil is in the detail here - and we have none.

Your trade union should be able to help though if you are a member?

WiserOlder · 08/09/2020 17:54

Wow, that sounds like an impossible situation.

I would resign and put in the letter that you were unsupported by your manager/manager's manager.

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/09/2020 17:54

Just feel like I've nobody 'on my side' who likes me, who I can go to. He's like her puppy dog, basically she is in charge now, and he just toes the line

Why did you expect the new boss to be on your "side" rather than on Mary's "side"?

In general, your boss's boss is going to be on your boss's "side" more than yours. And it would be very unprofessional for them to overrule your boss because they 'like' you. They should make a judgment on the merits of the case, erring towards your boss when things aren't clearcut.

Is there something specific about your role or this request that makes this different?

WiserOlder · 08/09/2020 17:59

Is the meeting not going ahead now?

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 08/09/2020 18:00

How old are you OP?

rwalker · 08/09/2020 18:01

sounds like you are in the wrong .
Waiting for drip feed now nobody agrees with op

JenniferSantoro · 08/09/2020 18:03

It’s impossible for us to advise you without knowing what you’ve done, or what the issue is.

CastleCrasher · 08/09/2020 18:04

Without you existing what the issue is, it sounds like you've handled this really badly.

You asked to speak to boss, spoke to her, didn't like answer.
Asked for second meeting with both bosses. First boss sets that up for you (and in doing so obviously has to explain what it's about!)
You decide to circumvent the meeting YOU asked for by phoning second boss directly to try to get in first.
You get annoyed because first boss explained to second boss what has happened, despite having asked her to set up the second meeting which meant she had to tell him (though depending on the problem, may have done so anyway)

Unless there's something major you haven't told us, you are very U here

feathermucker · 08/09/2020 18:04

Your previous thread states you have an issue with returning to the office.

Is this what the problem is?

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