AIBU to be jealous

[JustKeepSwimming90]

Morning all. (Name changed for this)

Just wanting a rant more than anything. I know I’ve made my own bed etc but please be nice, feeling on the verge of a breakdown right now.

So not to drip feed ... Me and “d”H have had some issues over the past few years and I’ve posted on here before about them, but they boil down to him being a cheating, lying arse. I’ve recently found out that he has been back in contact with the women he left me for, though I’ve not told him I know this yet. He also doesn’t work. No particular reason why. We have no kids. He has kids from a previous relationship.

But my AIBU is not really about that... I have a demanding stressful job, which often involves long hours, late nights etc. I’m working from home atm so able to stop early evening to cook tea etc before carrying on for the night.

I’m becoming increasingly jealous of my DHs carefree lifestyle. As I write he is asleep on the sofa after going out with his brother last night and getting hammered. He doesn’t have to worry about early mornings, deadlines, holding down a job to keep food on the table etc.

All the while I’m awake half the night tossing and turning worrying about work etc, worrying what would happen if I lost my job etc. With the other issues as well I feel on the verge of a huge breakdown. Not that he seems interested. According to the messages I’ve seen he seems more concerned with OWs wellbeing then mine.

Is it wrong that I’m jealous of his carefree attitude and the fact that he can do what he wants when he wants with no consequences?!

It's not unreasonable for you to be jealous and resentful, and it certainly sounds right for you to be thinking about your mental health at the moment. I don't know if your H has redeeming features that you feel make it worth staying with him, but it sounds from this as if your life would be better without him - how do you see the future at the moment?

Come on, OP. You know the answer to this one.

I’m struggling to see past lunchtime let alone any future.

I do know the answer, I’m just not sure I’m in the right place mentally to make that leap

Trust me, you'll feel less resentful, therefore less stressed - if you kick the sorry piece of shit out of your life and home.
Because let me guess - you're dealing with clearing up after him too.

There is no other route out of this than to burn that bridge and end the relationship. Do you have children together?

You're very clearly a strong, independent and capable woman. He sounds like he brings nothing positive to your life at all and you deserve more than that.

Someone who will cook dinner to let you work, someone who will listen and let you sound off about work when you're stressed, someone who will share the finances and mental load. Set your bar higher please.

Surely you can see how much more at peace, and less seething with resentment you will be when he is no longer on the scene?

He’s living off you, and cheating on you. And you stop to cook dinner??

What the actual fuck am I reading here...?

Stop being a doormat. Get rid of him. He doesn’t think much of you does he?

Are you being unreasonable to be feeling jealous? No, but it is an odd thing to be feeling in this situation. Your description of him indicates he is a lazy cheat with no regard for you. The question to ask yourself is why aren't you feeling apoplectic, furious, irritated, annoyed, ignored, used, indignant? (I could go on... ) The next question is do you really want this man in your life?

KICK HIM OUT
omg

Why are you with him? It sounds like he brings nothing positive to the relationship. He needs to go.

You are going to feel so much better when you are rid of him!

The answer? LTB

So you work all the hours, stop and prepare food then work again

He has a carefree life, that you presumably fund, gets pissed doesn't work and doesn't show you the same respect care or kindness ?!

Relationships are 50/50 he hasn't got your back has he?

Why are you making excuses for not improving your own quality of life ? You are working your ass off yet you see no benefits or downtime constantly stressed and your partner doesn't care or notice.
Step one - kick him out.

I m not even addressing the cheating !!!

Why are you even with him?

@JustKeepSwimming90 you sound like an intelligent, hardworking woman. You are wasting your time, and your life, with a man who is nothing but a parasite. Not only is he that, but a cheat too. How low can someone get?
It cannot be easy to up and leave someone, despite their [huge amount of] flaws.
Unfortunately nobody on here can persuade you to leave him. This is a decision you need to make by yourself.
But I hope, for your sake and for your own sanity, you realise sooner or later that life is too short to be wasted on people like him. Please leave him, and see that there are people out there who are worth your time.

What a catch.
Bin him off OP.

Ask yourself this - what betterment does he bring to your life?

What an awful man. He cheats on you (repeatedly), lives off you whilst going out and getting smashed.

Exactly what does he give you that makes you want to stay with him.

At the right time there is a lovely man out there for you that doesn't cheat and treat you like dirt

He’s taking the absolute piss out of you. Why aren’t you angry? Kicking him out will solve your jealousy feelings. And a good few other problems too.

You know what you need to do. I can understand it’s scary but the benefits will be immense once you make the leap.
What’s your housing situation, do you know or rent, whose name is the property in?

consequences of your decisions to stay with the loser. Always an option to make choices that will lead to better.

Sorry OP but what exactly do you want us to say?
There is no magic wand to fix him/this.
Stop facilitating his lifestyle you are so 'jealous' of & get a grip.
You probably won't listen to any advice you will get here as you say you've posted before & no doubt the responses would have been was to dump this useless cheating lazy piss taking tosser of man but you are still with him 🤷‍♀️

Only you can fix this. Not a bunch of strangers on the Internet.

I suggest you find yourself the strength & whilst you are at that some self respect.
And later after that you will probably find that your mental health improves as he is the main drainer of that by the sounds of it.

And he thinks he CAN do as he wishes, because you’ve always put up with shit treatment before, and he thinks you will continue to do so. If/when you break up he’ll be a dick about money etc too, so get good legal advice.

Of course you’re resentful - anyone would be.

The more interesting question is why you’re still putting up with and actually financially supporting a cocklodger who doesn’t work and is cheating on you.

This is one of the most clear cut LTB’s I’ve ever seen!

Jealousy is way down the list of emotions you should be feeling op.

What exactly would he have to do to make you leave him OP?

Would you want your daughter in this relationship?

Find your balls, kick this useless piece of shit out and move on with your life. Have some bloody dignity