AIBU to be jealous

[JustKeepSwimming90]

Morning all. (Name changed for this)

Just wanting a rant more than anything. I know I’ve made my own bed etc but please be nice, feeling on the verge of a breakdown right now.

So not to drip feed ... Me and “d”H have had some issues over the past few years and I’ve posted on here before about them, but they boil down to him being a cheating, lying arse. I’ve recently found out that he has been back in contact with the women he left me for, though I’ve not told him I know this yet. He also doesn’t work. No particular reason why. We have no kids. He has kids from a previous relationship.

But my AIBU is not really about that... I have a demanding stressful job, which often involves long hours, late nights etc. I’m working from home atm so able to stop early evening to cook tea etc before carrying on for the night.

I’m becoming increasingly jealous of my DHs carefree lifestyle. As I write he is asleep on the sofa after going out with his brother last night and getting hammered. He doesn’t have to worry about early mornings, deadlines, holding down a job to keep food on the table etc.

All the while I’m awake half the night tossing and turning worrying about work etc, worrying what would happen if I lost my job etc. With the other issues as well I feel on the verge of a huge breakdown. Not that he seems interested. According to the messages I’ve seen he seems more concerned with OWs wellbeing then mine.

Is it wrong that I’m jealous of his carefree attitude and the fact that he can do what he wants when he wants with no consequences?!

I think it's worth taking a moment to understand that underneath the many messages of 'why are you with him' is a basic belief that you are worth so much more. Strangers on the internet instinctively value you more than you or your massive cocklodger of a partner do.

There are probably multiple reasons why you don't walk away from this relationship but all of them will be rooted in very low self esteem. You don't think you're worth more.

But know this: as the relationship continues, as the cheating continues, as the using you as a carer/chef/bank account continues, your self esteem continues to be crushed.

Tune into that voice that tells you you deserve to be treated like this, that if you were better/prettier/nicer he wouldn't cheat and very firmly and loudly tell it to fuck off. Do that every time you notice it creep in.

Then tell the cocklodger to do the same and after the grieving process, experience a life without the kind of unhappiness you currently live with. Set yourself free.

Has he any redeeming features at all?

Does he bring anything to the relationship?

Why the hell are you cooking dinner?

If the trust is non existent, there's only taking, no giving, I'd walk away.

What?! This is the stupidest thing I've ever read.
Why are you doing this to yourself. Pull yourself together and LTB!!??

@ItalianHat

I’ve recently found out that he has been back in contact with the women he left me for

Well, you know what the sexists say: "When a man marries his mistress, it creates a vacancy." Sounds like your "D" H was one of those men.

He sounds like a sexist arse. Divorce him. He'll then have to stop freeloading on you, and work to feed himself.

I think you read that sentence wrong. She said the women he left the OP for.....so presumably he came back to her again? She never said she was the OW

OP I believe you are in an abusive relationship, that is why you are struggling to make the move to end it. Repeated infidelity is a form of abuse www.restoredrelationships.org/news/2016/10/14/infidelity-or-domestic-abuse/

Add to that he is financially abusive, he doesn't work just because he doesn't want to, so how is he contributing to your household, how does he support his own kids, or does all that fall to you too?

You need to speak with a therapist to give you some perspective on this, this man is running rings around you, you are worn down from his treatment and exhausted from keeping all the plates spinning in the air to support this cheating lump. Treat yourself with kindness and book an appointment with a therapist, and with a solicitor, get yourself ready to leave and give him no notice that his cosy life is about to change.

If he had a solid gold cock that could bring me to orgasm whenever I bloody wanted I still couldn't justify staying with a man who added no value to my home life and was such a poor example to my children of independence and reliability.
If he left you would have reduced financial burdens. When my exH left, even though he left debts and financial hell I still felt like a human again.

Take control. At the moment he is controlling your existence with his inactivity and making you feel second fiddle as though it's you creating the stress. Get rid. What could you miss?

He cheats on you and continues to cheat on you

He lies to you

He lives off your hard work

He brings nothing to your relationship or household

He spends his free time getting smashed with his brother or fucking other women while you are working to pay for him to do so and you are stressed out doing so yet he does not give a fuck about you.

Cut that sad sack of shit out of your life, go forth and thrive..

Why do you hate yourself so much that you’ll allow this sorry sack of shit to treat you like this?

YABU to be jealous. What you need to be is angry.

I don’t understand these threads where one partner just can’t be bothered to work.

How does he have any money to go out drinking with his brother? Does he claim benefits or do you dish out pocket money to him?
How have you lasted this long without putting your foot down and making him get a job?

If my DP lost his job, he’d be back out the same day looking for a new one. He’d be mortified for me to be subsidising his life in any way.

@Turnedouttoes How does he have any money to go out drinking with his brother? Does he claim benefits or do you dish out pocket money to him? this is what would piss me off the most. Someone who doesn't work, scrounging money either off the government or his partner, to go out drinking. Not on that at all.

Hang on.....are you honestly telling me that you are working all day, then stopping to make dinner, then going back to work, while he sleeps of a hangover, does whatever he likes every day, ignores you and how you are coping while he texts his bitbon the side? Well he's certainly got you where he wants you.
Who pays for his kids?

So you work all the hours, stop and prepare food then work again

The first thing you do is stop feeding him

Eh? Why are you with him? This literally makes zero sense.

@JustKeepSwimming90 I'm sorry to hear your mental health is suffering, but honestly separating from this awful man will help that to improve.