To think people don’t realise how lucky they are when it comes to age

[thedaywewillremeber]

Ds1 has his friend round today. She’s turning 25 tomorrow and she kept saying how she was getting old and how pressured she is due to her age etc. Aibu as someone in their 40’s to say she doesn’t realise how lucky she is to be that young?

This is true but can you blame them? They don’t know any different. It’s like telling people to just “be happy” because John over here has it worse, but life isn’t that simple.

When I turned 20 a couple of years ago I borderline felt depressed. I even planned to just go to work (in retail) on the day, but my friends arranged a party. During my party I literally just sat in my room by myself as I couldn’t face going into the kitchen and accepting I had turned 20 a lot of people showed up, got me lovely presents and made such an effort - they arranged to go out to this London rooftop bar after, but we couldn’t go as I was in my room sulking until midnight! Obviously now that I’m older I know 20 is still young and I was being dramatic, but that’s how I felt in the moment.

[quote elmouno]@CatRamsey

People who are missing their youth, don't realise how exhausting it can be these days. I blame social media and I feel bad for young people who are glued to what everyone thinks at all times. It's sad. Generally older women are established, so don't really care in that same way anymore but younger women are judged harshly with their photos, likes, comments, etc.[/quote]
This is true. A lot of younger people would feel self conscious if their Instagram pic just got 10 likes, whereas that is probably the standard amount of likes for an older person on Instagram, whom probably wouldn’t think much of it. Younger people have all these additional aspects of peer pressure/social status.

I was still young in my 30s, middle aged in my 40s and now that I’m in my 50s I’m finally in my “I don’t give a fuck” stage. There’s a lot to be said for being 50. 😁

YABU and condescending.

Also, its been a rubbish year. Im early thirties but due to a variety of factors (long term relationship ending etc etc) this was meant to be the year I spread my wings, travelled, sorted my life out a bit, started going to festivals again etc. Thats all gone down the shitter. At mid-twenties theres an idea you should be building a career, getting a house, coupling up but ALSO living a wild fun carefree life and doing crazy things. Its pretty much impossible to do all those things at any time, but at the moment its hard to achieve one of them. Plus in many cases people are worrying about their parents health due to Covid, which is often the first time they had to think about their parents as old.
To summarise: 2020 has already lasted 10 years.

I used to be like that! Fretting at 25 now whenever anyone says stuff like that I just tell them they should be grateful, not everyone gets to 25, 35, 45, 55 - ageing is a privilege!

WhereTheCrawdadsSing
I don't know...I look at people in their 60s and 70s where I live with enormous, beautiful houses they bought cheaply back in the day and amazing pensions and some days think, "actually, I'd take the wrinkles and dodgy hips, (I am doomed to have these as every woman in my family did as soon as they hit 60), for that" grin! I know every generation has their challenges to face, but certainly, those now in early ish retirement where i live appear to be having a lovely time.

Talk about the class divide!
Round here many of the 60 plus year olds are lined up at the job center and the food banks and struggling to get single room accommodation. Seeing the luckier ones struggling back from long hard night shifts worn out and limping. They'll be no 'having a lovely time' semi retirements, everyone's holding on to work as long as they can.

I think many of this generations 25 year old's were lured into longer 'childhoods' that then suddenly ended, (never mind what Covid, and ER have done to their sense of well being) often leaving them feeling they've achieved little and are now hitting their quarter century with little to show.
Also I don't think any of us realized how lucky we were to be young, so why should they?

@NameChange84 I like your attitude.

Of course some women in their 30s have awful lives, but I suspect they aren't the ones that post that sort of thing.

Women thinking they're somehow past their best because they're not 25 any more is crazy and no, they're not warriors because they've done things like brought up children and so on and managed to survive into their 30s.

Don't look back, keep going forward and live in the moment.

There's always something on the horizon. I had some of my greatest times in my early to mid 50s.

Even so 20 years on, I don't look back and think my life's over because I'm no longer in my 50s. It's a pointless way to live.

@DeliciouslyFemale

I was still young in my 30s, middle aged in my 40s and now that I’m in my 50s I’m finally in my “I don’t give a fuck” stage. There’s a lot to be said for being 50. 😁

I will always be young. I have decided.

I think for some reason there is still pressure on females to be 'settled' at 30, maybe not married with kids but certainly meeting someone / engaged / buying a house etc. Whether that's self inflicted pressure or external I dont know

Yoholyolo You make some excellent points. I’ve noticed that most issues can be narrowed down to class issues more than anything else.

I will be 70 next year and I'm only just getting there!
You are only as old as your brain and attitudes, an open mind is a young mind.
I read posts on here made by women of all ages and think how did some one of your age become so closed minded, then other times I read very eloquent and wise posts from others and feel heartened.
Each age has its highs and lows but that's life you just have to make the best of it.

Ds1 has his friend round today. She’s turning 25 tomorrow and she kept saying how she was getting old and how pressured she is due to her age etc. Aibu as someone in their 40’s to say she doesn’t realise how lucky she is to be that young?*

Seems a weird way of looking at it: surely you had exactly the same stab at being 25 as she has? We usually get a year each...

For me, 25 was quite a good year, but it wasn't actually better or more interesting than 35 or 45 or 55.

Talking to young people in their early 20s today it seems to me a good many of them are more aware of difficulties ahead, far less likely to blithely assume that life will just go on getting better and better those of us who were 25 in the 80s. Not sure if this is a bad thing or a good thing- suspect as with so many things in life it could be a bit of both.

I much prefer being 32 than 25.

Everyone's allowed a moan, don't piss on her parade.

I'm 25 and I really struggled turning 25. I have struggled with every birthday since I was maybe 16. I feel like I have always acted older than my age so I never really got to be a "typical" teenager or early 20s. I had a panic attack a few days ago when I realised it is less than 6 months until I turn 26. I know it is illogical, I know it is immature but every birthday really makes me feel so depressed. Everytime I get used to being an age it is time for the next birthday. Life is going by so fast. Ever I turned maybe 23 whenever a relative or family friend asks my age they are surprised as they expect me to be 21 still and it makes me feel anxious that I am not living up to their/society's expectations of what a 25 year old should be doing. I don't have a house, I don't have a partner, I don't have an established career, etc. 25 is the age I remember a lot of me and my friends saying in childhood is when we wanted to be married.

I think the biggest reason a lot of 20-somethings feel like this is because every age feels completely "different". A 23 year old compared to a 25 year old feels like it should there should be a huge vast of differences in life experiences, maturity, etc. But there isn't, it's just two years. A year just seems to carry so much weight.

26 seems so much older than 25, 25 seems so much older than 24, 24 seems so much older than 23... Whereas I feel like the difference between a 33 year old and a 36 year old is not much? With every decade of life that difference gets less.

Whereas I feel like the difference between a 33 year old and a 36 year old is not much?

I’m 36 and 33 does feel a long time ago and a heck of a lot younger tbh. You might find that as you get older. Things change with perspective. I found turning 35 really difficult. Like you I thought I’d be married with kids by 25! But in all honesty that wouldn’t have been great for my potential children or husband. Even though I was an old and “mature” soul, I think I’d have made a much better spouse and mum in my 30s with the wisdom and money and settled feeling that comes as you grow through life. The only reason turning 35 was difficult was not having children or anyone in my life to start a family with so maybe that leap from 33 to 36 wouldn’t have felt so difficult had I been a wife and mum by then. Then again, who knows? It might have! It’s three years. Enough time to get another degree (a PhD in my case), to have a newborn start preschool and have had another child in between... it goes fast but it’s not an insignificant leap in one’s life.

I'm in my 60s, and if I had the chance to relive a decade of my life the 20s would be the last one I would choose. The constant harassment in the street, the pressure to find a partner, the lack of confidence which definitely increases with age...I could go on.

Polarnights Life is going by so fast.

I think life for your generation does feel very accelerated and it's possibly caused by the pervasiveness of social media, 24 hr tv, and 24hr society.

....they are surprised as they expect me to be 21 still and it makes me feel anxious that I am not living up to their/society's expectations of what a 25 year old should be doing.

'They' always did the expecting you to be younger thing, it's not a new thing or a comment on where you're at, and if it is, then they need to wind it in!

The horrible bits of being in my 50s are all physical - bad knees, fingers getting more arthritic, menopause being rough.

Everything else is fantastic. I no longer give a shiny shit what people think, don't waste my time on things I don't like or care about, can enjoy my children being young adults and so damned interesting. I live in a city I love with people who mean the world to me and I've shed the extraneous stuff that made me unhappy.

Being young was free of physical pain , and I do envy young people that, but it's very nice knowing who you are and being OK with it.

YABU - it's all relative. When you're 25 you feel older than you did when you're 18. When you're 40 you feel older than you did when you were 25. A 40yo looking at a 25yo is no more or less justified in saying "Hah! Don't complain- you're so young!" than a 70yo to a 40yo. I'm nearly 50 and don't feel particularly old.

I think its daft to say she is 'lucky' to be 25, luck has nothing to do with it it's just her age 😂
You have had your turn at being her age and she is entitled to feel however she wants about it. I often think how I will look back at my age now (33) and think how I didnt appreciate it enough 🤷‍♀️ that's life tho.

A 35 year old I know was saying she was worried about losing her looks and being seen as old. I am 51 and would love to be that age again. Yet I know when I was that age, I felt very old and past it. It's all relative.

At least let luck be used about things that genuinely differ between individuals. Everybody gets their stab at being 25 (unless they die earlier), everybody (if they live into middle age) gets a stab at being 40. But if you manage to stay healthy, that is a big bonus.

Dd, who has lived with chronic pain and disability since she was a toddler, has always hated the way elderly people, even if they know her personally or see her using her stick, will keep telling her she's so lucky to be young and not old and in pain like they. She is, unfortunately, too polite to reply that if they only associate pain with old age then they're a damn sight luckier than she has been or is ever going to be.

We can never have it all no matter what age we are. I’m happy to be old 💃🏿

Hell no.

I love the age I am- close to 60. Wouldn't swap my 20s.
Loving where I am right now.
I don't give a rat's arse about so many things.
I don;t care what people think about me- it is liberating.