To uninvite family to our wedding?

[Fressia123]

As much as I want to think lockdown has something to do with it, the more I think about it the more I'm against paying for people who couldn't care less about being there but are just doing it because "it's expected".

Even the children made a note of it "doesn't granny know about the wedding, why hasn't she said a thing". The teenage cousins haven't met the baby (he's 10 months old now) and by the looks of it they'd meet the baby at wedding (and we all live locally).

I know people have said that we have a baby, own a house, second wedding, etc so people are not as invested, but complete indifference seems a bit too much.

My DP and I talked about it a bit and more or less agree. I might be being petty but I don't feel comfortable with inviting people who don't really care but if they're not there they'll get offended.

If it seems good to you to use your wedding to open a family wide rift then go right ahead with the uninviting.

You should be having the wedding you want. All that matters is that you and your partner enjoy it.

As a few have said already, the people who actually get excited about hearing about wedding plans tends to be very limited to just the bride and groom and immediate family if they are involved.

I think you're really overthinking things and getting a bit paranoid. You havent even sent out invites so its not exactly like people have stuff to ask you about.

@Fressia123

BTW everybody loves the baby, the cousins are the ones who haven't met him but if I were their mum I would have made them.visit but they're not my kids.

But we've also been in lockdown/restrictions for the last 6 months so when exactly have the cousins been able to come over and interact with the baby?

When we told them (a couple of months ago) we said that there wouldn't be any invites as it's a very low key thing.

It's fine to not make a fuss, but nobody has asked anything about anything nor said congratulations, nor "how happy for you". It's almost like we didn't say anything. It was his brothers partner who asked if we were going to plan anything /what were the plans. I'm happy for those two to attend, but the rest not so sure. I don't think they'd mind either way.

A second wedding isn't the same as a first and a wedding isn't the same when you already have children together.
It will never be as big a deal to family as it is you you and your fiancé, and that's okay.
Just have a small do with the minimum of guests , it will still be magical and I speak from experience.
Congratulations on your forthcoming nuptials 🥂

My DD and her partner are talking about getting married. She wants a big, lavish affair. We don’t have a large family and they don’t have many close friends so I have no idea where she thinks all the guests are going to come from.

I suggested they have their wedding abroad and ask their families and close friends if they wish to join them. Not all will but I’m thinking those most important will make the effort.

Partner has said they cant do that because he wouldn’t be able to invite his grandparents because they don’t like flying 🙄

I hope they start saving because I won’t be paying for some lavish affair which, by the sound of it, will be mainly work colleagues and acquaintances just because partners grandparents don’t like flying!

I agree with other posters. The only people who get excited about a wedding are the bride and groom and bridesmaids. Everyone else thinks about how much it’s going to cost them - new outfit, bag, shoes, wedding gift, babysitters, hotel stay etc

In your shoes I’d go abroad to marry and let people know they are welcome to join you (at their own expense) if they want to. Most won’t but lots won’t turn up at your wedding at home either.

"I'm with you, my DD is getting married, I'm paying and I'm very busy culling the guest list, anyone we have not set eyes on in 6 months is getting cut"

Bloody hell 🤣 wonder how many times you've told people how much it is per head. Embarrassing.

You're "culling" guests because they didn't visit you during a pandemic?!

I'm with you. I'm thankful I don't have a large family. People seem to be obliged to pay for long lost cousins, and Aunt's companion they've never met to attend weddings. And half of them then spend a fortune feeling they have to go!!

Invite the people in your life who you spend time with that matter to you and leave it at that.

@Fressia123

We've told them dates but no invitations have been sent. It s been more like we're getting married next spring told them the date and that was it. I think it would be fairly easy/straight forward to say we couldn't wait and just decided to get married sooner than expected.

you say 'dates' not 'date' and you havent sent invites, its not official yet

@Fressia123

It is a second marriage but my first wedding also had no guests on my side due to not being from the UK. I wanted this one to be very different in that way.

his second marriage, your first?

But we've made it clear there's no invitation? That the phone call is/was the invitation and the date we had. (Obviously if the virus let it happen). regardless I'm sure at a "congratulations" was within reason.

Having read your previous thread on this thread I think you are over thinking things and expecting way to much joy from both of your families.

regardless I'm sure at a "congratulations" was within reason.

I find it quite hard to believe not one of them said congratulations or something similar if you rang them for the sole purpose of inviting them to your wedding. Im struggling to think of how else they would respond that means not one of them said congrats in some way shape or form when presented with that news.

As a PP said I don't think it's the "joy" although I still think a congratulations would have been nice, but more that I couldn't have what I wanted to "satisfy" his side. Ultimately it doesn't seem worth it.

We genuinely didn't get congratulated. My mother immediately talked about the dog, my dad about something else and his side about the baby. I think maybe his mum said "lovely". That was it.