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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Over Sensitive DH or AIBU

99 replies

stressedandunsure2020 · 07/09/2020 10:10

Like many parents, DD(4) has just started reception. A couple of half days last week, a few half days this week and then full time. Hence all sorts of emotions from me and DH.

For background, as usual in our household, I have sorted out all of the admin etc for DD starting school. Paperwork, uniform shopping etc. There were no transition days due to the current situation but there was a meet up arranged via Social Media with some of the other parents and children which I took DD to (not DH's thing, but he moaned he couldn't make it due to work - I took half a days leave)

We've worked throughout lockdown (I appreciate we are both very lucky in that fact) and whereas DH has had to go to work as his job can't be done from home, I have worked from home which has meant most of the childcare and home schooling etc has fallen to me. Work have understood this as everyone is in the same situation and haven't minded that sometimes (may be 1 or 2 evenings a week)I have had to log on later in the evening etc, but DH has spent all of lockdown moaning that I have had to work in the evening and not spending enough time with him.

Anyway onto this morning and we are lucky that DD's new school is a 5 minute walk away (probably 10 with DD). As I am at home still and DH is on an afternoon shift this week we both walked her down. On the way she was holding hands with Dh, then wanted to hold all of our hands - all fine. At one point the path gets a bit narrower so we can't all hold hands, so DD chose to carry on holding mine, which put DH in a bad mood.

DD is on half days this week but then stays for dinner one day before starting school days. Her first dinner day is Wednesday (have told DH this at least 5 times) so on the walk this morning he starts talking to her about dinner choices and how she is going to be eating at school today. I didn't correct him as I thought it was a nice conversation to get her used to the idea of choosing her food, and then when I did say it was not today got shouted at for not telling him the right information.

We then got to the school and were queuing up to drop her off when Dh asked her for a cuddle and kiss. When I asked her for the same, I got a snide comment of 'knew you would have to have one as well' and then a sulking DH.

When we got home DH shouted at me for always having to be the centre of attention, that he was having a really nice walk with DD, and I have to interfere. That I always make it about me and that I should of just let go of DD's hand and walked behind them so he could carry on having some time with her.

Happy to be told I am being unreasonable, school runs like this are all new to me, prior to this DD had been in a private day nursery so it's always been one of us dropping her off and has involved a drive to the nursery so I know it's all about finding a new normal and a new routine. Once the first few days are over, only one of us will be doing the school run I guess which will probably make a difference.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 07/09/2020 10:47

@TheHappyHerbivore

What’s with all the men being cunts about the school drop off today?

He’s an arsehole, OP. I personally couldn’t live with it.

They want to do the nice bits and leave all the shit work, buying uniforms, making sure they know the time tables etc to the wife...........fuck that shit
Figgygal · 07/09/2020 10:48

How ridiculously precious

Tohaveandtohold · 07/09/2020 10:50

I agree with the previous posters about you having a second child. Surely no adult will act like this right.

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2020 10:50

Oh dear God! I've never heard anything so pathetic in my life!

What on earth do you see in him?

AlternativePerspective · 07/09/2020 10:51

Tell him to grow the fuck up...

Gobbycop · 07/09/2020 10:51

Blimey.

This guy is supposed to be an adult.

He sounds exhausting.

AriettyHomily · 07/09/2020 10:53

How horrible. He sounds like a child.

TDMN · 07/09/2020 10:53

The part about him moaning you havnt had time for him during lockdown because you have had to work evenings! What an arsehole. OP this behaviour is NOT NORMAL and your daughter growing up thinking this is normal behaviour would be hugely detrimental to her view of relationships Shock

crikeycrumbsblimey · 07/09/2020 10:55

Ah EVERYTHING is about him isn’t it.

That is why he accused you of it - what an annoying tosser

ddl1 · 07/09/2020 10:57

Bizarre behaviour. I've come across plenty of kids who compete with their siblings for the attention of a parent, but one parent competing with the other for the attention of a kid is not so usual! Does you dh normally act like that, or was he having a bad day?

ddl1 · 07/09/2020 10:58

Because if it's happening frequently, it's not only annoying for you, but not a terribly good example to your daughter of mature behaviour!

WeAllHaveWings · 07/09/2020 11:00

He isn't over sensitive he is being a childish prick. Don't let him make you walk on egg shells wondering when he is going to take the huff or shout at you when you are doing absolutely nothing wrong. Your dd will already be picking up on this damaging dynamic.

Zaphodsotherhead · 07/09/2020 11:01

So where is he at with being the 'centre of attention' about all the paperwork, the homeschooling, the housework etc etc?

Or does that not count because nobody else can see it?

Mamadothehump · 07/09/2020 11:06

He's not being over sensitive, he's being a 1st class knob jockey. Pathetic man child. I couldn't tolerate what you've described to be honest.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 07/09/2020 11:08

God, that was a hard read. He sounds like an absolute pillock.

I'd be having a hard think about how you see your future panning out with this manchild.

Please don't have any more children with him!

stovetopespresso · 07/09/2020 11:08

god how weird! he has to live with himself though which is in itself a punishment by the sounds of things! however, so do you...hold your your own and talk it through with him maturely

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 07/09/2020 11:10

He basically wanted a brass band and a ticker tape parade for dropping his child off at school, didn't he? Then sulked because he didn't get it.

I cannot bear men like this OP.

PourMeAGlassOfMilk · 07/09/2020 11:15

He's behaving like a 4 yr old himself. Tell him to trot on.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 07/09/2020 11:20

He sounds hoooorrrible.

Is this how he wants your dd to remember her first days of school? Her dad having a go at her mum on the way? Dad wanting her to pick between her parents, and sulking if it’s not him. What a shit!

SpaceOP · 07/09/2020 11:20

Like everyone else I'm gobsmacked at what a whiney little twat he is being. He is resentful that DD held YOUR hand? And resentful that you also wanted a cuddle?

However, I'm really not sure why you're doing the school run together. First day, sure. But personally I'd say take it in turns - makes no sense for the whole family to do this every day.

MerchantOfVenom · 07/09/2020 11:24

What a big fat giant baby he is.

Ew.

stovetopespresso · 07/09/2020 11:24

on reflection what do u think he may have been feeling op? fear at time running away, some anger at you for being "the main one" for your dd, resentment, jealousy, inadequacy? its so easy to judge people for not being perfect but isn't love about helping eachother out, warts and all? explain how he made you feel and try to get him to open up when you're feeling less angry so it doesn't get into a huge row. if it does, so be it.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/09/2020 11:29

@stovetopespresso

on reflection what do u think he may have been feeling op? fear at time running away, some anger at you for being "the main one" for your dd, resentment, jealousy, inadequacy? its so easy to judge people for not being perfect but isn't love about helping eachother out, warts and all? explain how he made you feel and try to get him to open up when you're feeling less angry so it doesn't get into a huge row. if it does, so be it.
But surely she is the "main one" because she puts all the actual work in with her DD where as the DH wants all that taken care of and for him to do the fun bits and get all the credit?
LagunaBubbles · 07/09/2020 11:32

You have serious problems OP. This isn't normal. Not only is he feeling jealous he's showing it.

TorkTorkBam · 07/09/2020 11:40

Why did he get to opt out of all the admin and uniform buying? Why is that your usual? You do not appear to be appropriately angry about that.

I assumed you were a SAHM until I saw the bit about you both working and him whinging about you working because he doesn't get enough attention. Fucking hell. How did you get lumbered like this?

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