AIBU to start a Go Fund Me page for a private diagnosis for DS?

[squirrelnut]

I’m feeling really low at the moment so possibly not the best time to post in AIBU but I need honest opinions!

I want to start a go fund me page to raise money for my DS (5) to pay for a private ASD assessment. It’s £2000 which is more than we could ever afford.

I’ve been battling with the NHS since he was 9 months old. He has a very complex history of trauma whilst I was carrying him and I also have mental health problems so the stick tends to get pointed at me and it’s either poor parenting or attachment issues (for which zero support or understanding is available). I have 3 older children who have no similar issues.

DS currently has no proper diagnosis other than development delay which is preventing us from accessing the right support for him. I don’t think he fits neatly in one box and so we really need professional help and someone who takes the time to conduct a thorough assessment of his needs.

CAMHS have been terrible and for years refused the referral and the one time they did accept, I had a meeting with them (without DS) and they promptly discharged him!

So tell me AIBU to start a go fund me page as it feels an uncomfortable thing to do.

Hi. I feel for you. We languished on the NHS unable to get the assessment despite referrals from GP. You’ll be waiting forever- we waited 5 years before our school paid for the assessment & DC was diagnosed. I don’t think you’re unreasonable for crowdfunding. But brace for the MN critics, they’re brutal

I'd try and get a low interest loan or add it to my mortgage, I'd try to raise the money in other ways. Sell stuff on eBay.

I'd bend over backwards to get the money myself, I just couldn't ask other people to fund it.
My child, my responsibility.

Please don't think I'm being rude or ignorant but I'm really interested in what kind of trauma a whilst in utero affects early childhood and in what way ?

If a friend posted this I would help out if I could.

If you’ve exhausted all other options-loan, remortgage, credit card, selling stuff like crazy, then I think it’s reasonable.

Sadly even with a diagnosis there isn't much more help, some counties don't recognise private diagnosis's.
Hugs x

I dont think you'd be unreasonable to start one per se, I've seen them for lots of purposes that are objectively less deserving. But be prepared not to raise very much. Finances are tight for many people, and you may well find funding a private diagnosis for someone else's child is very low on their priority list.

No, I don’t think you can ask strangers/friends to fund an assessment as you disagree with CAHMS.

You could raise that amount working evenings/weekends for a few months.

scotts have a look here: >]]
Not ignorant at all - I also had no idea the extent of damage which could be caused prior to birth. I do also think DS is on the autism spectrum in addition to his developmental trauma though as some of his traits are not explained any other way.

Do you have family and close friends you could talk to about it? I’d happily pay for this for someone close to me who needed it, but would ignore a crowdfunded as it seems grabby.

@squirrelnut

scotts have a look here: >]] Not ignorant at all - I also had no idea the extent of damage which could be caused prior to birth. I do also think DS is on the autism spectrum in addition to his developmental trauma though as some of his traits are not explained any other way.

That returns a 404 error.

IceCream I don’t disagree with CAMHS as such but they have refused to assess him thus far. So it’s not a case of seeking a second opinion.

It's not unreasonable.

However even if you get a diagnosis (which might not be the one you want) there could well be further costs, so what would you be able to do about them?

Someone I know tried to get a private diagnosis, but then found it if they did get it, the treatment etc would all have to be private too so it would cost a lot more than the initial diagnosis. I would check if that’s the case in your area as if you can’t afford the assessment, you unfortunately won’t be able to afford the treatment. Have you asked the school to refer you? Here they don’t diagnose until they’ve spoken to the school anyway so I’d start pushing them. Hope you get it sorted.

‘No, I don’t think you can ask strangers/friends to fund an assessment as you disagree with CAHMS.’

Can I ask if you have personal experience of a child who has been referred to CAHMS?

CAMHS just don’t have the resources to assess everyone that needs it. That’s the simple truth. So they will refuse it as much as they can as they don’t have a choice.

Sorry link doesn’t work - if you go to this resources page there’s lots of info:
beaconhouse.org.uk/resources/

The first one is the one I was trying to link to...

Do you get DLA? We used DS DLA money to fund a private diagnosis of ADHD (frankly, everyone and their dog could spot it).

I'd bend over backwards to get the money myself, I just couldn't ask other people to fund it. My child, my responsibility.

This. I have been in the situation myself and that's what I did. I'm still paying off the debt now.

By the way my DS is adopted and I'm not of the opinion that "developmental trauma" is a single "thing". It's a lot of different causes and a lot of different symptoms. It needs unpacking before it will be properly recognised and treated.

I'd bend over backwards to get the money myself, I just couldn't ask other people to fund it. My child, my responsibility. But it’s meant to provided through the NHS that we all already pay for. It’s too hard to get the assessment because they are so desperately underfunded. I pay for plenty of other people’s kids needs already, and I’m happy too. But I’m sick of parents of autistic children funding care themselves.

@squirrelnut this so interesting thanks for the link!
Good luck with raising the funds

@DanielRicciardosSmile it worked for me

drspouse yes we do get middle DLA rate which is £250 ish per month. Currently we use it for one day a week respite as we simply cannot cope without this. Maybe we will have to though. A year without that though sends a shiver down my spine and it’s the only way our other DC can do things like swimming, play dates etc.

That could be an option though yes.

Me personally would never start a go fund me.

I'd get a loan, sell things, take on extra jobs, whatever it would take to raise the funds bar online begging which is my personal opinion what go fund me stands for.

I grew up in poverty and this is probably why I have these views, work for what you need and if you can't afford it work harder.