Not even sure where to start but basically, after a relatively nice- albeit standard evening in- with DH- we had dinner and watched a few episodes of a series we are watching it quickly all turned to shit when I dared to mention that tomorrow, if the weather was nice and DD (2 yo) wanted to go out, DH might take her to the park (3 mins walk from our house). I felt DH poo-pooed the idea and said 'well you'll be down at 9 to take over' (at weekends we each take it in turns to lie in until 9). This morning I was up and in park with DD by 08.45 as it was such a lovely morning and she asked to go.
What annoyed me this evening is that DH very. very rarely EVER takes DD out on his own to do anything. The only thing he does semi regularly is take her to see his DPs on his day off in the week. And that doesn't happen weekly. It has long been a source of annoyance to me that on numerous mornings with DD during lockdown I will get up and out with her- be it for a walk or to park or even just to shops in car (which she also loves) and he will NEVER EVER have left the house with her before 9, if ever that day.
This evening when I started talking about it and how I wasn't askinghim to do anything I hadn't done myself this morning, he started telling me to 'shut up' and 'fuck off'- all standard responses from him (whether after a few beers or stone cold sober) when he is pissed off at the fact I am daring to level any criticism towards him. I then made it clear I objected to this response and felt it was immature and uncalled for and he started trying to patronise me e.g. 'yeh yeh yeh' ' ok whatever you say- you're the one going nuts right now'. Previously he has told me to 'fuck off' in front of our daughter (stone cold sober during day time) again, it has always been when I've dared to suggest he might clean the bathroom after shaving his entire beard all over the shop and doing a minimal, lacklustre and poor attempt at cleaning up or if I dare mention that his pissing off for 6 hours of a weekend day now and again so he can indulge in a hobby creates more domestic labour for me, and to ask when my trade off time will fall.
I am sick to death of it.
I've called him names tonight which I know has weakened my stance on the whole his position and reaction being immature- but I called him a chauvinistic pig, because this is what I feel his attitude is boiling down to. I've told him that EVERY time I ever dare say anything which is in anyway a criticism of him or things he does (today he washed the coffee pot so that it wasn't really washed and then leaked coffee granules all over our DD's crockery on draining board and rather than saying- oh you haven't done this fully can you di it again? I instead muttered something about 'oh I think this might need to go in dishwasher instead' and shoved it in myself.) it 85% of time ends up in him being pissed off and angry at me, acting like a stroppy teenager OR he gives me the silent treatment for 24-36 hours.
I'm tired of it.
I've recently gone back to work and so cannot accommodate his immature responses and incompetent and lazy attempts at cleaning anymore and I've had it with NEVER being able to have a sensible conversation about this type of thing. AIBU? Should I just put up and shut up?
I said to him tonight that if I shared a kitchen with him at work I would be slagging him off behind his back because he is so grotty and untidy etc. so why the hell am I trying to put up with it at home.???