To want to clear my name?

[idontthinkicare]

If someone was telling very serious lies about you but they had been proven to be malicious and no action was taken.
People believed them still ..would you try and make those people see that the other person is a liar?

What a horrible woman she sounds, I'm very sorry for your loss OP.

I would want to clear my name yes, but now isn't the time. You're grieving and need to navigate this process, concentrate on yourself and don't waste your emotional bandwidth on such negativity.

Later on I would absolutely out her as being malicious and empathize that this was the exact conclusion drawn by the police.

They don't know it's been investigated and they keep dropping sly comments about people going to jail for fraud.

Tell them malicious liars people get sued for defamation of character.

Re. your last update (X-posted) don't justify anything to anyone. When someone tries to defile your character, the very best thing you can do is not to engage on any level. It's unlikely to convince bigots who have already made their minds up, unfortunately, and the sad thing is that the more you try to convince them, the more they'll be convinced of the truth of their own position. That way you lose your dignity, irrespective of whether or not you're in the right.

Absolutely, this. And sorry for both your losses, OP.

But I would also say this -- OK, you have one toxically awful enemy in your life, but I'm more worried that you still seem to count as 'friends' these 'girls' who seem happy to drop sly remarks about fraud and jail in your presence. If they were decent people who had heard the tales put about by the other woman, or who genuinely believed they might be true, surely they would actually talk to you about the rumours either way, rather than hinting?

If they were decent friends to me they would have known she was my everything.
I'm gonna focus on her funeral
I'm going to chapel next week.
They said I can put things in the coffin,I'm going to put her favourite chocolates and a photo of me and her at Xmas and her Xmas Santa hat
I can't stand people thinking I would ever do anything to hurt her

You are grieving, so allow yourself time to do so. Don’t let this evil person take up your time and energy at the moment. As others have said, if your “friends” believe that you could do such a thing, they aren’t friends and not worth your thinking space. Your real friends will be there to support and love you, at this awful time, and that is all that matters just now.

I would have to set the record straight eventually though. Perhaps with a group text including all your ex “friends” plus the perpetrator. Then I would block them and move on with my life without any of them. So sorry for your terrible loss. 😢💐

I've had this. Desperately hurtful I know. I cut off all contact with the person responsible and also with anyone having anything to do with her. I know who I am and the people that know and love me, know the gossip and claims are absolute rubbish. So much happier now I only have loving supportive people in my life. This is a gift in disguise to get rid of the toxic people in your life. So sorry for your loss dear OP 💕💐

If someone slandered someone I considered a real friend I would refuse to believe it until I was shown proof positive. And even then it would depend on the offence as to whether I dropped that person from my social circle.

You have been given some excellent advice by many posters. I would send one of the suggested group messages and after that block the entire toxic bunch of them from your social media and social circle. If they are work mates then keep your relationship strictly formal and professional. If they are neighbours or people it is difficult to avoid then cultivate being "busy" and hurry on by.

With "friends" like this you dont need enemies. Find yourself some friends who are worthy of your trust and loyalty.

I'm gonna focus on her funeral
I'm going to chapel next week.

Do this.

Don't engage with hostile people till you feel ready.
You owe them nothing. No explanation, nothing.

Do not share any more information than the basic truth:
you've not done anything wrong, and anyone who believes otherwise on the basis of gossips is no friend. Full stop, the end.

Do not try to show proofs, or justify yourself, it would only fuel further abuse.

Decent people may reach out after that. You may allow them back in your life, but don't offer more explanation on what is a very private matters. Either they trust your word, or they don't.

Good luck and take care

I miss her so much and it's only been a week.
I've spent all day watching videos of her and that horrible bitch wanted to take her away from me.
I want revenge but I know it won't achieve anything.

You will have your revenge OP without you having to lift a finger. People like her do not prosper in life.

Thanks for your all for being so kind to me today.
I felt awful and nowhere to turn so Thankyou

Do NOT show any proof or do a group message or explain where your money comes from. It's really none of their business.

I presume you cut that "friend" out of your life in February.
If she has form for this, your friends will know not to take her word for it but might want to find out whether there is any truth to it.

Next time anyone makes a sly dig just lay it open "is that comment based on the bullshit X made up? Surely, you know X well enough to not believe some of stuff she comes out with and if you don't, surely, you know me well enough to know when someone is making stuff up about me!"

She knew full well her allegations weren't going to lead to anything. She just wanted to hurt you and make your life difficult. I would not give her the satisfaction of knowing she achieved her goal.

If it ever comes up, I would keep it breezy.
"SS spent an afternoon looking into it. Saw what utter tosh it was and moved on to actual important matters. Honestly, X should thank her lucky stars, I was too busy looking after mum to come after her for slander. Could you imagine the carnage a lie like that could have caused during my poor mum's last months."

Leave it at that. Your friends can then decide who to believe (bonus: you see who is worth being friends with).

Trying to proof your innocence will only show her how much she got under your skin.

This is so sad. I’m sorry for your loss.

Just a update spoke to the other two girls and showed them evidence
Social worker messages
Texts to friends talking about it
Bank statements etc and one of the girls said I was lying.
She said it wasn't over and the police would still be investigating.
She said this mutual "friend" was telling the truth.
After I showed everything proving I had done nothing and messages from social worker saying everything was in order etc
Her reply was .."and I don't even care"

Blimey, walk away now. They are vile. Just look after yourself and forget about them

I think she wanted me to be guilty to justify what she did.
When I showed her proof I wasn't guilty she didn't like it.

They aren’t friends and you’ve got more important things in your life to think about without giving any of them any headspace. You’ve proved your innocence with the people who matter.

They don’t want to listen, sounds like your “friends” thrive on the drama and bitchiness. I bet if you think about on your past interactions with them you will come to realise whilst with you they were making comments and digs about someone else. People like that don’t know who to have a conversation without being nasty about someone else. It’s called “othering” and is a Social technique used to create a bond between people by disparaging and creating a common enemy (the “other”) people like this will always feed on drama and division.

Walk away OP. Drop all thoughts of revenge and focus on you. There is no better revenge than a life lived well. If it helps think of what your mum would have wanted for you. She would have wanted you to be happy in your life. She wouldn’t have wanted for you to be giving people like anymore of your time. As my mum always says the trash takes itself out, you just have to let it.

I hope everything goes well with the funeral and send you an unMumsnetty hug

These are not your friends, OP. Don’t show them private information. Walk away from them all.

Your friends sound overly invested in your life. Don’t get me wrong, the abuse of the vulnerable of the elderly is disgusting, but you haven’t done anything wrong

OP this woman sounds like she’s an accomplished liar and your ex friends are too stupid to realise her lies because they’ve completely bought them.
She’s probably been talking to them about it for months, building up a case against you so has them convinced.
It’s not easy when you realise that one of your friends has been lying to you for so long but hopefully they’ll realise eventually. (Probably when the same happens to them)
Ultimately, they’re just jealous that you can afford spa breaks and don’t have to work full time.
Either way they’re not very nice people because they should be supporting you right now! You’ll be so much better off without them, you don’t need friends like that

If you have any more contact with them ( although I’d advise you not to), I’d do as a PP said and clearly state that defamation and slander can have serious consequences, including prison sentences, so you hope they won’t continue to spread these lies ( which have been disproven).

Let them know that you’re not afraid to defend yourself. So sorry for your losses.💐

She owes you money ???? And she's making accusations????

I would be sending her a solicitors letter regards both the false accusations and asking for the repayment of the money you loaned her.

Now you know that they don't care about the truth or facts as they have already made their minds up about you. Walk away from them. You don't need to justify your position to the bitches. I'm very sorry for the loss of two people that were so dear to you.

She is a liar,she's lied about very serious things and people believed her.
She lied to a friend that she wasn't having an affair with her husband but she was.
I've shown proof,I cried on the phone explaining everything yet they didn't believe me.
She's had it in for me and they can't see it.
What else do I do to prove she is lying.
I've showed everything to the social worker and everything was fine.
Nothing else was done about it because nothing was happening.

My exh told some disgusting lies about me to anyone who would listen.. He told my dc I was a prostitute and their school I was dead.
I moved and left the lot of them behind. What goes around does come around ime. My dc went nc with their df...
Find nicer friends op and get on with your life.