AIBU re packed lunches - junk food

[Glitteryone]

I am very torn on what I should be putting in my youngest child’s lunch box.

I have 3 kids - ages 8,11,12 for information.

The only rules our school has is that we can’t put in sweets or fizzy drinks. This means that they’ve given the green light for crisps, biscuits, cakes, etc.

For reference, I normally give a sandwich, pasta or wrap plus crisps, a biscuit and two bits of fruit.

My two eldest are no bother at all when it comes to eating - they’ll choose their fruit to eat at snack time and always eat the ‘good stuff’ first at lunch.

My youngest however is a nightmare! She comes home with all the junk gone and both pieces of fruit not touched.

The eldest two are slim and healthy looking. I hate to say this (it actually upsets me to admit it) but my youngest is starting to get a lot bigger than she should, in particular around the belly 😢

She won’t eat any vegetables at all. I’ve tried every thing to coax her into trying but she won’t.
I’m so angry tonight as she’s had a meal for dinner that would fill me and she’s asked for snacks constant since!

The crisps and biscuits that she has at lunch are low enough in cals, for example pom bears 69 calories and a chocolate biscuit bar at 99 calories.

She is putting in weight at a shocking rate and I couldn’t work out why as the other two are so slim (and she does strenuous exercise 6 times a week - it is definitely strenuous as she does it at a competitive level). I found a stash of wrappers and boxes under her bed today so she is sneaking food!

I try to base her meals on protein to fill her up - chicken, fish, beans, etc but she is just unfillable and wants to eat crisps, biscuits, toast & cereal all evening!

Her sports coach has commented about her losing fitness over lockdown - I’m worried that we won’t get this under control and it will effect what she does.

My AIBU is regarding the packed lunches at school - aibu to keep putting the ‘treats’ in her lunchbox if she refuses to eat fruit/veg/salad?

YABU - yes stop giving her all treats until she try’s to eat healthier

YANBU - no, you can’t make a difference between her and her siblings

In our house...Sandwich, veg and fruit first, treats after. If lunch comes home without sandwich eaten, no crisps or biscuit for the rest of the week.

Can you get them to cook healthy meals alongside you or plan their own lunches

Also are portions proportionate? You talk about protein and veg but not carbs, a healthy balanced diet is ideal, no calorie counting, just knowing what should be included and balancing that together

My eldest was a weight gainer so never had crisps in the lunchbox and made sure it was reasonably healthy. Also made an effort to cut up fruit so she wanted to snack on it.
Youngest is the size of a twig and hollow, so I add cereal bars and crisps as well as fruit/salad/sandwiches etc

as she is 8 I would expect her to eat less than the 12 year old.

I used to give my DS the left over lunchbox food at home... so snacks would be the left over fruit

Today my 8 year old DD had the following in her packed lunch:
-Small cheese sandwich in white bread (one slice halved,, crust removed)
-Monster munch crisps
-Innocent smoothie
-small chocolate bar (Aldi Titan)

• chopped carrot, red cabbage and lettuce to pick at

No additional snack after school until lunchbox food all gone. Then you're being fair.
Are some fruits better than others? Has she gone off apples with wobbly teeth? Would veg work better?
Is there a time element - friends have finished eating so she doesn't want to stay and finish everything? Too interested in playing at break so doesn't eat the fruit then?

Sports coach - what sport does she do? Is it a sport she is still interested in? Is anything else going on in her life that she may be comfort eating? How is she doing at school/friendships? How is she sneaking food - when is this happening?

I would ignore about just focusing on her weight, but focus on her health, explaining how the body needs a healthy balanced diet to stay healthy and strong. Perhaps sit down with a list of fruit/veg and sandwich fillings and ask her what she would eat.

@chairandchairalike

In our house...Sandwich, veg and fruit first, treats after. If lunch comes home without sandwich eaten, no crisps or biscuit for the rest of the week.

Can you get them to cook healthy meals alongside you or plan their own lunches

This, basically.

You're going to have to put the treats somewhere else if she's sneaking food and eating it in bed. I had that battle for YEARS

If she doesn't eat the fruit from her lunchbox at school, then she can have it for snacks - if she doesn't want it, she's obviously not that hungry.

I do think those are massives lunches! Maybe your older two have the metabolisms that needed it but I'd give less to your younger. One treat things max and clear rule that only after the fruit is eaten or there will be none again. I am always surprised to hear just how big some packed lunches are (and my kids are not skinny at all so it's not that mine need more).

Iv stopped buying any biscuits/crisps/cakes as youngest steals and munches through it. We have some treats on weekends but just buy enough for that day. My kids have no crap in lunch box. Just sandwich, fruit and fruit juice. Theres no need for biscuits or crisps everyday

Tell her she doesn't have an off switch so she's going to have to learn what the right portion size is. Make a meal plan with clear gaps and unlimited fruit/veg/salad (but not between meals). Sit down with her and say you don't have her to miss out on treats, so you are going to decide on some non food treats together - especially time with you or other parent doing something of her choice. Criticism or crossness will increase the comfort food gives. Caring authoritative parenting will help.

I don't think crisps and biscuits every day is a healthy diet, although I know many children eat this. Crisps are full of fat and salt. I have a tall 8 year old boy, his typical lunchbox is: sandwich with cheese and ham; fruit; cereal bar; few bits of raw carrot or pepper. If he said he was hungry I would give another sandwich.

One trick I use is to cut up bits of cucumber, carrot etc while making dinner and put them out for kids to eat while they are waiting for the meal. They're more likely to try it/eat it if they are really hungry!

As far as meals are concerned I would reduce portion size but give the same mix of foods as the older children . She can grow into her weight. It isn't good to make her self conscious. I do agree that biscuit and crisps every day seems a lot of treats. 1 treat food a day for all children. If she doesn't finish her lunch; that is fine but no further snacks apart from fruit after school. It's a difficult line for you as the older children clearly need more calories.

Could she have a hot lunch at school? Our school cooks their own and is good and healthier versions....might fill her up more for same amount of calories and fat etc?

Is she growing in height? Or just weight? Is she tired/cold all the time? Just asking cos my DS starting similar at about 9/10 yo - turns out he has an underactive thyroid. Probably not, but thought I bring it up as something to think about.

No hot food onsite at the minute as a result of new rules post lockdown. However, I have ordered a hot food flask - I’m thinking something warm at lunch will fill her more and there’ll be no need then to add junk!

Some good suggestions here and voices of reason.... I appreciate the advice.

Why not see gp about a blood test, it could be thyroid related.
Aldo, worth paying to see a dietician who can advice on this sort of thing.

This isn't about fairness or giving your children exactly the same food as each other. Clearly they have different metabolisms and attitudes to/relationships with food. You need fairness of outcome, i.e. you need to ensure that they are all healthy. This is going to require different input from you for each child.

If she is eating junk and that's causing her to develop health and fitness problems, you need to stop giving her (or allowing her access to) junk. If your older kids have metabolisms that allow them to eat more junk then I guess you can continue to allow it, although crisps and chocolate or biscuits every day is not ideal regardless and there are healthier choices to fill them up. They may not have their fast metabolisms forever but they will likely retain the eating habits that they learn now.

If she genuinely is "unfillable" and you think there could be more to it then it is worth seeing the GP. I watched a program recently with a little girl who was constantly claiming to be hungry, stealing food etc. In the end she was tested and found to have a defective gene. The consultant told the little girl's mother to imagine not eating for 3 days and how hungry you would feel. She said that's how this child would feel all the time.

I found that my 2 of my children weren’t eating fruit in their packed lunches despite me repeatedly telling them to eat it. It was just going to waste. So now I don’t include it in their lunch but expect them to eat it after school as a snack If they want a biscuit - or they get nothing else. I might also make smoothies.
Re.veg, I swear by soups! Blended and then they don’t know what they’re eating. Tomato based ones are good as it disguises the taste of lots of veg/lentils, but chicken and veg is also good. Same with homemade pasta sauces.
Re. the snacking, if she’s buying snacks then perhaps consider limiting her pocket money (if she has any).

My Dd has always struggled to stop eating. She's always been at the top of the healthy weight range so I understand. I would say pull the snacks and treat foods. Just don't but them. I give my Dd(8) a filling breakfast, so porridge or eggs on toast. For packed lunch I avoid treaty stuff and she doesn't always get anything sweet, but 2 or 3 trines a week I will give her something we made. For example today she had 2 mini wraps with chicken, salad ( 5 cherry tomatoes/ a quarter cucumber) a natural yoghurt and a homemade muffin. She had an apple for snack. I don't buy crisps and don't buy chocolates/ biscuits for them often but we do bake our own once a week.

Crisps and biscuits in her lunch box every day is not good.

Can you not replace some of it with yoghurt and/or mix up the fruit a bit (so not just one boring apple)?

My 8 year olds is usually over the week A mixture of these things - turkey in a tomato & herb wrap (bit more interesting than plain wrap), Yo Yo, yoghurt, cracker, veg pesto pasta, scone, Tupperware of little squares of mixed fruit - so watermelon, grapes, raspberries, blueberries etc , cream cheese and cucumber mini bagel.

Never has crisps in it and if it did have a biscuit it would be rare (and would only be one digestive for example, not multiple biscuits)

You need to stop putting junk food in her lunchbox.

Also my mum said when I was that age I went through a period when I wanted to eat all the time and she basically had to put her foot down - she said she felt really awful about it at the time but knew that losing weight is much harder than putting it on and felt it was for the best.

I'm so grateful to her she did that (and I don't generally have a good relationship with her for other reasons) - I don't remember it at all and didn't struggle with my weight until after I had kids.

Mine are not allowed any junk at all and this includes fruit juice, I mostly send a sandwich 2 pieces of fruit and some raw veg green beans peppers carrots and the like only water to drink nothing else is allowed the most treat thing they can have is sugar free jelly