AIBU re packed lunches - junk food

[Glitteryone]

I am very torn on what I should be putting in my youngest child’s lunch box.

I have 3 kids - ages 8,11,12 for information.

The only rules our school has is that we can’t put in sweets or fizzy drinks. This means that they’ve given the green light for crisps, biscuits, cakes, etc.

For reference, I normally give a sandwich, pasta or wrap plus crisps, a biscuit and two bits of fruit.

My two eldest are no bother at all when it comes to eating - they’ll choose their fruit to eat at snack time and always eat the ‘good stuff’ first at lunch.

My youngest however is a nightmare! She comes home with all the junk gone and both pieces of fruit not touched.

The eldest two are slim and healthy looking. I hate to say this (it actually upsets me to admit it) but my youngest is starting to get a lot bigger than she should, in particular around the belly 😢

She won’t eat any vegetables at all. I’ve tried every thing to coax her into trying but she won’t.
I’m so angry tonight as she’s had a meal for dinner that would fill me and she’s asked for snacks constant since!

The crisps and biscuits that she has at lunch are low enough in cals, for example pom bears 69 calories and a chocolate biscuit bar at 99 calories.

She is putting in weight at a shocking rate and I couldn’t work out why as the other two are so slim (and she does strenuous exercise 6 times a week - it is definitely strenuous as she does it at a competitive level). I found a stash of wrappers and boxes under her bed today so she is sneaking food!

I try to base her meals on protein to fill her up - chicken, fish, beans, etc but she is just unfillable and wants to eat crisps, biscuits, toast & cereal all evening!

Her sports coach has commented about her losing fitness over lockdown - I’m worried that we won’t get this under control and it will effect what she does.

My AIBU is regarding the packed lunches at school - aibu to keep putting the ‘treats’ in her lunchbox if she refuses to eat fruit/veg/salad?

YABU - yes stop giving her all treats until she try’s to eat healthier

YANBU - no, you can’t make a difference between her and her siblings

Yeah I agree stop the sweets. I have a child who would also eat his sweets etc and leave fruit so in this would be what he’d get:

• cold pasta and grated cheese
• form of vegetable stick (carrot/cucumber/celery/pepper)
• small handful of nuts
• yoghurt
• piece of fruit
• homemade cake/flapjack (I grate courgette in them and reduce the sugar)

Sometimes I’ll give him a bag of mini party rings instead of cake.

Ask, we buy these veggie finger crisps, they taste really nice and are ok health wise. They don’t have them everyday though.

A child of 8 doing strenuous exercise at a competitive level 6 times a week does need carbs for fuel- but good quality carbs not crisps and biscuits.

Crisps and biscuits have no place in a daily lunch.

You need a main bit- sandwich or wrap, rice salad, something filling whether hot or cold (chunky soup etc). Leftovers from dinner?

Additions can be: cut up veg, boiled eggs, salady bits, pickles, houmous or other dips/ spreads (bean dips rather than creamy cheese dips), falafel, stuffed vine leaves, olives. Plain full fat or Greek yoghurt.

It’s not just about the calorie count- food quality and GI matters. Stop buying crisps and biscuits for all your children and their health will thank you for it.

Don’t make a thing of it, just don’t have those items in the house if you think food is becoming an issue.

Also don’t beat yourself up, just keep trying.

Are you sure your older two are actually eating the healthy stuff? Or are they binning it?

Be warned OP you will get the competitive under and over feeders on here.

A balanced approach is best - so fill up on veg/salad and fruit, have plenty of protein and carbs, some good fats and a few treats and you can’t go wrong.

Do not teach your child that withholding food goups is ‘good’. And do not make them ‘earn’ treats by eating all their ‘proper’ food.

And if you are having cake then have cake and enjoy it!

I don’t think treats are needed at every meal. A treat is a piece of cake at the weekend or pizza as a family on a Friday night, sweets when going to the cinema. You don’t need to provide 2 treats at lunch. It sends the wrong message about balance. You do need to try to get them to have 5 a day which means making them the basis of meals.

Get her to pack her own lunch (they all should be really, they're old enough). It'll give her ownership and hopefully will help.

I found a stash of wrappers and boxes under her bed today so she is sneaking food!

Presumably she doesn't yet go to the shops on her own, so the simple answer to that is to stop buying it. Then she won't be able to pinch it.

Definitely don't stop giving her all treats, it will make them into forbidden food and could result in even more serious eating issues and more sneaking. Bad idea.

Also don't use food to control her (eat x or you don't get y), don't force her to eat anything.

She's already got food issues. You don't want to make them worse.

I'd make sure she's drinking enough water and also eating enough protein. Keep putting a variety of veg on her plate at dinner time with no expectation she'll eat or try it. Provide some healthy snacks.

Some children have naturally bigger appetites. I would focus less on weight and more on making sure what she's eating is healthy and balanced, in other words eating healthier things than the stuff she's sneaking.

Have you got a multi compartment lunch box? Using one of those you could easily give a small handful of crisps instead of a packet if you feel you want to keep them in, and offer small amounts of a variety of foods so it's less obvious what she does or doesn't have and is more appealing to eat.

She's 8. You as the parent are responsible for what she eats. If you don't want her eating crisps and biscuits, don't give her crisps and biscuits.

Crisps in the lunch box are a Friday treat for my dc, not for every day. They never have chocolate or biscuits. I would cut them out.

Ask yourself what you eat on your own. If that is oh so healthy, well you will know.

If you eat crap, well you know that also.

I bet most people eat crap now and then. Few people are perfect.

• I realised I've made it sound like I never let my kids have chocolate or biscuits. I do, but never in their lunch boxes.

@tiredanddangerous can I ask what you would put in a typical packed lunch?

@nanbread sandwich/wrap/bagel, carrot/cucumber/cherry tomatoes, piece of fruit and Greek yogurt usually. Sometimes pasta.

I would remove the daily crisps and biscuits from all the children’s lunches. None of them need the empty calories and extra sugar. The issues with the youngest child seem to go beyond what is in her packed lunch, though. I’d definitely keep a closer eye on her diet and limit extra snacks (she doesn’t need those evening snacks at all), though I would try to do it in a positive way so she doesn’t feel deprived. Easier said than done, of course.

I would not eat a kids lunchbox for a ransom!

But them's the rules now. Poor kids.

Can I ask and I'm honestly not trying to start anything, I genuinely want to know- is crisps in a packed lunch generally seen as acceptable by schools in the uk? It's just I've had this conversation with lot of friends here in Ireland and no schools here seem to allow them. In our school you're not allowed fizzy drinks, sweets, chocolate, crisps, popcorn, petis filous or squash (mi wadi).

stayathomer you're not.allowed petit filous? Honestly I am surprised that more parents don't rebel against this. The school aren't qualified to decide what my child eats. If they tried to restrict my child's lunchbox I would not be happy

Ps I put the mi wadi one in because it kills our family, 3 out of 4 aren't fans of water. Generally for lunches we'd have a sandwich, crackers and or a rice cake and two pieces of fruit. I've snuck the odd cereal bar in at times too, but I have no idea if they're allowed, from the way the kids talk about them, I get the impression most people sneak them when they have them too!

Our school don't allow crisps, cheddars, biscuits, nuts etc. The teachers go round the dinner hall checking lunch boxes, anyone found to have these in their lunch box are told not to eat it! My child is so worried she will have something she isn't allowed by the school she fetches most of her lunch home!
However, they are allowed unsweetened popcorn which my DD has occasionally.

Feelingconfused2020
Only brought in about 2 years ago as part of a healthy school thingy they went for (and later got). I think it came on the back of a really popular tv show condemning sugar when the sugar tax came in over here. Some people rebel against it, I'm not too bothered on it

Oh sorry it's a nut free school too, there's 2 children with allergies

Surely the school is well within its rights to set limits on what children can eat on school premises- for the safety of other children (e.g nut allergies) and for welfare reasons ( kids having nothing but sugar for lunch will not be able to focus on afternoon lessons).

You can feed your children whatever you like for the other meals but seems reasonable for schools to set limits. Long as they’re not forcing children to eat things that go against ethics etc, setting restrictions is not an issue that parents should bother to rebel against.

It’s no harder to buy small pots of plain yoghurt than petit filous. Which are really high in sugar.