AIBU re packed lunches - junk food

[Glitteryone]

I am very torn on what I should be putting in my youngest child’s lunch box.

I have 3 kids - ages 8,11,12 for information.

The only rules our school has is that we can’t put in sweets or fizzy drinks. This means that they’ve given the green light for crisps, biscuits, cakes, etc.

For reference, I normally give a sandwich, pasta or wrap plus crisps, a biscuit and two bits of fruit.

My two eldest are no bother at all when it comes to eating - they’ll choose their fruit to eat at snack time and always eat the ‘good stuff’ first at lunch.

My youngest however is a nightmare! She comes home with all the junk gone and both pieces of fruit not touched.

The eldest two are slim and healthy looking. I hate to say this (it actually upsets me to admit it) but my youngest is starting to get a lot bigger than she should, in particular around the belly 😢

She won’t eat any vegetables at all. I’ve tried every thing to coax her into trying but she won’t.
I’m so angry tonight as she’s had a meal for dinner that would fill me and she’s asked for snacks constant since!

The crisps and biscuits that she has at lunch are low enough in cals, for example pom bears 69 calories and a chocolate biscuit bar at 99 calories.

She is putting in weight at a shocking rate and I couldn’t work out why as the other two are so slim (and she does strenuous exercise 6 times a week - it is definitely strenuous as she does it at a competitive level). I found a stash of wrappers and boxes under her bed today so she is sneaking food!

I try to base her meals on protein to fill her up - chicken, fish, beans, etc but she is just unfillable and wants to eat crisps, biscuits, toast & cereal all evening!

Her sports coach has commented about her losing fitness over lockdown - I’m worried that we won’t get this under control and it will effect what she does.

My AIBU is regarding the packed lunches at school - aibu to keep putting the ‘treats’ in her lunchbox if she refuses to eat fruit/veg/salad?

YABU - yes stop giving her all treats until she try’s to eat healthier

YANBU - no, you can’t make a difference between her and her siblings

all the way through school (to 18) - round of ham sandwiches and an apple - guess it depends that you're doing for breakfast and tea?

The wrappers sound like emotional eating as she is concealing.

It may be out of boredom or something is wrong. I suggest not focusing on her weight until after you rule out that there is no emotional connection to the eating. Talk to her and find out what is actually going on and suggest healthier ways of dealing with emotions or activities she can do that are interesting if the problem is boredom.

Also cut down on portions and treats. I was an overweight child and sometimes restricting or constantly commenting on how much someone is eating esp when there is a difference in treatment of siblings may actually result in emotional binge eating. I honestly dont know what helps. Good luck OP.

You could gently move away from daily packaged chips etc and every second day have home baked treats instead, and get them to have a high protein breakfast. If daughter isn’t drinking plenty water, could tell them all they need to drink one full glass water before breakfast and a full bottle of water daily( if not already)
Don’t tell her you are worried, I agree with what others say, I think it will just increase the guilty binging and hiding packaged treats

Maybe include much more high protein pre packaged snacks so they feel satisfied and not reaching for more and binge eating packaged foods.
You could them all you want them to learn baking. Ask each child’s to write down 3 of their favourite baked treats and 3 favourite smoothies
Tell them they each need to choose a day that will be making smoothies after school, and that on Sat Sun they each need to bake double quantities of their favourite treats for lunches.

Maybe each time they bake you can all sit down at a table and enjoy tasting their fav baked treat with a glass of water. Some packaged in pantry/fridge, the rest in freezer for lunches

If they're all eating the same lunch and all do sports 6 days a week then it's not the lunchbox contents that's the issue here but the hidden wrappers suggesting that she's binging on crap over and above what the rest of the family is eating.

Is this food you've bought or is she buying extras herself or sourcing them by another means eg from a grandparent?

If she's gaining weight at a 'shocking rate' then it sounds like she's eating a lot extra somewhere, as evidenced by the wrappers.

You need to get to the bottom of where she is getting the extra treats from and why she is binging in secret.

Yes OP, I read your post and agree with PP, the issue isn't the lunch box. It's the hidden wrappers. She is 8 years old, you can still help her with this. Maybe try and get to the bottom of why.

at the age of 8, unless she has some kind of intellectual impairment she is capable of understanding cause and effect.

a balanced diet needs to be a good combination of protein, vegetables matter and a modest amount of carbs which should ideally be complex carbohydrates rather than refined simple carbs. your dd is hungry for more carbs because she isn't getting the vegetable matter and complex carbohydrates that would fill her up and keep her going.

my DS only gets crisps or biscuit in his packed lunch if he ate all the fruit & veg the previous day. if he didn't then the next days lunch does not have any of these extras. he gets an extra half-round of sandwich, but is told he doesn't have to eat the extra sandwich if he isn't hungry for it but he must eat the veg and fruit if he ever wants crisps again. and then its important to stick to that and not give the crisps if the veg and fruit isn't eaten.

Does she have threadworms? Children who have threadworms have a insatiable hunger?

I don't agree with giving some of your children treats and others not. Just reduce the amount for all of them, none of them need them.

I would stop giving the treats to all the children and don’t have anything in the house. I would be most concerned by the secret eating in her room so singling her our against her siblings would make it even worse. Have you tried talking to her about why she’s eating in her room? I only say this OP as I’m an emotional eater and would eat in secret.

People who say they don’t put junk in, then add cereal bars ?? You’re probably better off with crisps and a biscuit, than a cereal bar...
Or at the very least they are equivalent to each other in terms of junk.

Cheese and ham sandwiches ? Also junk.

Packed lunches are difficult to get right. And I don’t think a box of raw vegetables is much fun, or nutritious either.

A hot food flask is a great idea, and adds variety.

Variety is probably the key.

While I loathe pasta, it’s a good source of carbohydrates and mixed with vegetables and some meat, is a good alternative to a sandwich.

Never had packed lunches. And my school meals were quite healthy. Pizza was a once a semester event!!

I would not put my young kids eating crisps everyday. It's a normal thing in the UK, I know, but I find it odd

@Glitteryone

No hot food onsite at the minute as a result of new rules post lockdown. However, I have ordered a hot food flask - I’m thinking something warm at lunch will fill her more and there’ll be no need then to add junk!

Some good suggestions here and voices of reason.... I appreciate the advice.

Would she eat a vegetable soup? You can blitz in vegetables without her knowing. Soups can be really filling.

Re pp I also didn’t grow up in the UK and find it weird that kids eat crisps every day. In my country it’s a treat for trips or birthday parties.
I would cut the crisps out, maybe start by giving her half a packet.

Very, very common for girls aged 8-10 to put on weight prior to puberty. Very common for parents to adopt sexist vanities about it that they wouldn't if it was their sons.
She'll likely slim down as she gets taller and gets boobs. It really is very common at that age to be a bit chubby.

People who say they don’t put junk in, then add cereal bars ?? You’re probably better off with crisps and a biscuit, than a cereal bar...
That's me and yes I do, but it would be a once a week (Friday) more often once in two weeks as a kind of big surprise. I agree cereal bars are as bad as crisps or anything but in a not too unhealthy lunch once every two weeks I think they're fine

Children need more to eat than adult women on restricted diets, which is what some of you seem to be feeding your kids.

Restricting food and food groups, to the extent that you reward them with crisps and biscuits for eating their vegetables and fruit means you are setting them up for a lifetime of disordered eating.

And having an occasional pig out means children will learn that actually stuffing yourself with crap will make you feel crap - They need to learn healthy eating through experience not through regimented diets because the minute they have access to money they will buy all the things you ‘ban’ and then some.

He must eat the veg and fruit if he ever wants crisps again.

Jesus. Controlling much?

All you're doing is teaching your child that biscuits and crisps are much coveted rewards by doing this.

At least she is coming home with the things she's not eaten still in her lunch box. The amount of children who will take a tiny bite out of an apple and put it in the bin and the parents are none the wiser. You know she's not eating her fruit, try it different ways to encourage it. Do you cut it up? Fruit skewers? Would she have fruit in a smoothie?

We've got a bento style box for packed lunches, that way my DD gets little bits of different things, and never a whole packet of something every day. Everything is fine in moderation. I think starting things as 'treats' singles them out more, naturally children will want them more.

Just to add - as a child I never ate fruit in lunchboxes. There was something about the smell of fruit that had been sat in a slightly warm classroom that really put me off - it smelt absolutely awful. Even now I can't stand packed lunches - the smell of it is just...ugh!

I am quite sensitive to smell though

Stayathomer - I’m in Ireland. Our school is so relaxed about it. I wish they would ban junk and it would make this easier for me lol.

Glitteryone
When my eldest was younger I took it a bit too far, for the school tour I gave him a bottle of water, strawberries and grapes and a roll, as I wasn't sure they'd allow anything else. He loves fruit anyway, but said the whole class was giving him sweets and crisps the teacher bought him a ribena! She came up to me after and told me anything was fine on a tour. (The standards have dropped in our house since lol)

guineapigI - and millions of others like me - grew up before snack/fast food culture. We did NOT put on weight before puberty. If I look back at family photo albums, I - and siblings and cousins and friends-next-door aged 8- 12 - are pretty slim by today's standards. We all grew up to be perfectly healthy. Tall and strong and fertile.

We walked home for lunch - over half a mile each way - until I was 11. Then (after a couple of years of school lunches which I detested, because they were so badly cooked) I took packed lunches. Very simple by today's standards: 2 slices of bread made into a sandwich, with cheese or cold meat filling (might include some lettuce or cucumber or grated carrot etc), plus probably a small chocolate biscuit ('Club' was a favourite) and definitely an apple. That was all.

We survived, without weight issues, into adult life. At junior school, we might have had 'tea' when we got home - a slice of bread and jam, or a couple of biscuits, or a piece of cake plus pretty dilute lemon barley water. But it was often 5.30 when I got home from senior school, and so we just waited until supper at around 6.30.

I am sorry to hear that your youngest does have problems. I just wanted to share the fact that modern food expectations may not suit everyone.

My DS has just started school so is 4, nearly 5.

In his packed lunch I put:

• Sandwich/pitta bread/wrap (all wholemeal), filled with soft cheese/ham/egg
• fruit
• cheese eg babybel
• veg eg cucumber slices and carrot sticks, and a little pot of houmous
• sweet snack eg soreen bar, near claws
• savoury snack eg snack chicken
• quavers

It seems like quite a lot to me but he eats all of it, including the veg, so it must be the right amount for him. If he was putting on weight or only eating the snack bits, I would remove them. I'd leave the cheese, sandwich, veg and fruit. Only when he ate it all would I add the snacks!

Sandwich/pitta bread/wrap (all wholemeal), filled with soft cheese/ham/egg

• fruit
• cheese eg babybel
• veg eg cucumber slices and carrot sticks, and a little pot of houmous
• sweet snack eg soreen bar, near claws
• savoury snack eg snack chicken
• quavers

This is loads, are you sure he's actually eating it all? My older child could eat that but would be v full after

My son has only been having packed lunches since June when year 1 were allowed back to school and he is a complete veg dodger, literally will not eat a single vegetable other than occasionally raw red pepper.
He's quite picky in general and more of an all day grazer when at home so I've been sending him with lots of bits to pick at in a 'yum box' lunchbox with lots of small compartments. Some days he'll have a tuna mayo sandwich, sometimes just tuna mayo on its own with a spoon. If I do ham or cheese sandwiches he eats the ham or cheese then leaves the bread. So either tuna sandwich or pasta with either pesto or a tomatoey sauce as the main carby part of lunch.
Then he has a variation of the following;
ham or chicken on it's own, grated or cubed cheese, strawberries or satsuma, a few crisps (can only fit about a 1/3 pack into one of these sections) yoghurt, mini oat bar, raw red pepper (usually gets left) and he does have one treat each day, a mini muffin or Bourbon biscuit, or a couple of chocolate buttons. (The treats also sometimes get left)
He takes a banana or satsuma for morning snack and thankfully only likes milk or water to drink. He's never been interested in fizzy drinks, squash or fruit juice so I'm happy about that!
His school don't seem to have any rules on lunchbox contents that I've seen or heard anywhere. He used to have the hot meals pre Covid but currently they are only offering their own packed lunch option which is a one slice of bread sandwich, flapjack, apple, cucumber sticks and jelly. So he'd only eat the jelly and possibly the sandwich from that which is why I'm doing a packed lunch at the moment.