I’m vulnerable and like a baby

[Nanechabgedabc]

Please help me and be as blunt as you want! I know I portray an image that I’m a vulnerable baby and seem to feel sorry for myself. Started a new job and I really need to get out of this mindset. It’s been stressful as I haven’t had any training or help and have to keep chasing people to tell me things. I don’t want to justify my reasons as I don’t think even in this situation I should be acting like a “victim”. Work hasn’t said anything but I’m very self aware and know that’s how I’m coming across. Please help me get my self sorted and be less of a stressed out lunatic on Monday!

Other would have been reacting to me like I’m just stressing over nothing and to be more chilled out. Again I’m not saying this to justify but I like being on top of things and I like being organised but I feel a little annoyed at work for being so laid back. How can I stop my mind from being stressed and victim mentality?

Have you been taking notes when you ask people things? I always found it frustrating when new people started and didn’t take clear notes/kept asking the same questions despite there being procedures etc in place.
Remember you’ll pick everything up eventually

Ok
You are a grown woman. You are not vulnerable and you are not like a baby. If you are your colleagues will be sick of you by the end of the day.
Dress professionally. You've got the job and you can do it. Make notes as pp said. Look engaged and interested. Ask questions. If you're not getting help write a list of things you need to know. Smile. It is only a job and you are not a victim.

The thing is, the WAY I talk is I think quite childish and annoying. When others talk they seem sophisticated and mature but I feel like a 12 year old when I talk in meetings etc.

What do you mean that when you talk you sound childish? Is it the words you use or your tone of voice? Can you give examples

Is this your first job? How old are you if I can ask?

I'm very confused...as others have asked HOW do you sound like a baby when you talk? If you are so self aware then describe exactly what you do and....stop doing it? Do you mean you use childish words or giggle when you are nervous or what?

I've worked with a lot of new starters...my reactions to someone asking a lof of questions would range from sympathy in most cases as we've all been there, to annoyance or thinking they were a bit incompetent in extreme circumstances if someone kept bothering me or asking the same question or really really obvious things but I can honestly say I've never looked at a new starter and thought of them as a "victim"! What do you mean by that?

I think it’s more that as I’m nervous I will giggle. My vocabulary is not as varied as others.

What a strange way to describe yourself. You need to be professional and take notes when someone is explaining something to you, then you don’t keep asking the same questions. If you know you talk in a childish and annoying way you need to do something about that. You’ve clearly done something right, because they gave you the job. You could probably do to work on your self esteem. If they didn’t think you could do the job they wouldn’t have given it you. Good luck, you’ll settle down soon enough 💐

Sorry to drip feed - DH actually coined these terms up for me today! I kind of see what he means

God almighty

Does anyone know how I can improve the way I talk pls?

This is a crock of shit.

You need to throw yourself into the deep end. Volunteer or do some shifts in retail or at a call centre and you will soon toughen up or get broken down.

When you ask questions in relation to how you do your job, prefix them with the following phrases...

'Just to clarify'
'For future reference'
'Can I just confirm'
'Am I right in saying'

I’ve never considered new-starter colleagues who ask questions to be vulnerable babies or victims, it’s a really odd choice of language from your DH.

If work are being laid-back and not stressing over your performance, take that as your cue. It’s normal to need to chase people for info when you first start. It’s normal to need to chase people for info years down the line in some jobs.

Why do you need a varied vocabulary at work? Clear, plain English is preferable to flowery rambles.

If you're "very self-aware" then just stop with the giggling and baby talk. I used to work with a woman who was rather like this, and she was utterly infuriating. She was actually very competent and knowledgeable at her job, but she basically sounded like a moron... which unfortunately led people to assume she was one.

Think before you open your mouth. Make careful notes when someone shows you a new process. Remember that you're NOT an airhead, you're a smart, capable woman in a professional job.

Everyone else in meetings talks in a really flowery, long word types! I don’t mince my words so what takes them 10 minutes to say I say in 10 seconds. Hope that makes sense! I really wish I was more articulate so I could explain my issue at work clearly

You didn't tell me your age but I am guessing 22.
Please, stop obsessing about yourself. No one cares what you look like and to a great extent no one really cares what you say. If you haven't got anything valuable to say in a meeting (and you probably haven't because you are new) don't say anything. Listening is just as valuable. Just do what you are asked to do to the best of your ability and please drop the victim and vulnerable baby stuff. I've had enough of it and I don't even work with you.

OK @Nanechabgedabc

Can you go get your mother and tell her you have signed into her Mumsnet acount?

@JulieHere you’re very rude, before posting this message try and consider not everyone has a mother!

Thank you to the few who actually understood what I was trying to say. I have low self esteem so I fear I come across as vulnerable as that’s how I feel everyday! Not just work. Being new at work is exaggerating my insecurities as I need to keep approaching people whereas in old job could just get on with things.

@Nanechabgedabc

Well you came back pretty well and confident and not 'baby like and vulnerable' at all - well done - you can do it then! Keep it up and no one will think you are baby like or vulnerable.

It makes me think you might be taking the mick a bit or exagerating now!

exaggerating ....

I’m not taking the bloody mick! I wanted actual advice as I can’t be the only person who feels she is incapable of doing a job due to my insecurities!

Are you doing the "child voice" thing?

Practice, practice, practice.
Take a breath before starting to talk.
Read.
Practice, practice, practice.

That's it

I have this issue a bit, so I get it OP. I'm often told that I seem "vulnerable" (I guess am a bit, I've been through some tough experiences) and i tend to have a child like enthusiasm/reactions to things. My mum was the same. I just kind of think it's a personality thing and I try not to worry about it.
As long as you're polite and friendly and work hard, that's what counts IMO.