No children lucky you

[Pensionluckyyou]

As a woman of a certain age I’ve accepted there are no children for me

Speaking to what I thought was an IFA about my pension options but turned out to be a introduction firm when asked about dependants I was told 'no children lucky you'

Now I’m not precious about my situation. Just seemed really crass to say such a comment within 5 mins of speaking to a potential client

No they shouldn't have said that. I remember paying in a large cheque to the bank...it was from my late father's estate...the cashier looked at it and said "lucky you". So unprofessional

Really unprofessional, you could have had ten rounds of IVF for all they know. Never ever remark on things like this.

What's just as bad is 'No children? I'm sorry to hear that'. Don't be sorry, I'm certainly not!

It's so rude to pass comment on things like this, the only polite thing to say is nothing.

I think that's very rude in any situation.
People shouldn't make assumptions if you're lucky of not- only you can decide that really!

To have children or not isn't always a choice everyone has...having been sensitive for years, that would really get my back up!

Foot in mouth syndrome.

That was very insensitive of them and crass, as you say. They have no idea why you might not have children. For all they know you could have suffered a tragedy. Silly thing to say, especially in a professional meeting.

Very unprofessional and simply rude.

So rude and unprofessional!

People are idiots sometimes and just don't think about what they are saying for the sake of small talk!

A window salesman came to our house once to quote for windows, after he'd chatted on for ages and I was just about to kick him out (he'd been there for well over 45mins), DS came into the room to ask a question. The salesman said (as DS was leaving the room) 'is that your foster son, you didn't say you were foster carers'.
DP is white (not DS Dad), as am I, DS is mixed race.
Why would you say that in earshot of a child??? Even if you were thick enough that that was the only possible reason you could think of that a mixed race child was living with 2 white adults.
To be honest I wish I'd reported him, but DS was upset by it, so I didn't want to make a big deal of it by causing a fuss. But I really wish people would engage brain before speaking.

Just doesn't need commenting on does it. Very unprofessional. Some people just need to say something, anything...

It was a poor thing to say and it shouldn't have been said - no question.
I think he/she was probably trying, poorly, to build rapport and said something crass. We've all done it.

Very unprofessional, probably not trying to be insensitive, but obviously it could be very hurtful. Hope you’re ok.

I know I shouldn’t take it personally and it was just a crass comment from someone (young bloke)

I did stop myself from shouting back 'what do you know' but am still thinking about it

It's a recommended firm on a well known contractor website. I’ve not actually spoken to the IFA yet just the intermediary firm

Generally I think it's a phrase used to look on the bright side of things

• No children? Lucky you!
• 3 Children? How wonderful!

etc. Intended to be a validation of your personal situation, not a judgment on it.

This sort of small talk is an important part of oiling social interaction. People do get it wrong sometimes, and somethings just rub people the wrong way but there needs to be a bit of tolerance all-round or we'd end up with almost no social interaction at all and then we start to lose connection with and empathy for those we aren't immediately connected to.

No children? Lucky you!
- 3 Children? How wonderful!
etc. Intended to be a validation of your personal situation, not a
judgment on it.

How the hell are the two comparable. You have children because you choose to, but you may have tried for years to get pregnant, had miscarriages or even lost a child. What the hell is the bright side of that?

It’s pure stupidity and ignorance to congratulate someone on lack of children, because you don’t know their circumstances. Insulting people doesn’t tend to be a great way of oiling social interaction.

How the hell are the two comparable. You have children because you choose to, but you may have tried for years to get pregnant, had miscarriages or even lost a child. What the hell is the bright side of that?

You may have 3 children because you're in an abusive relationship with someone who rapes you and won't let you take contraception. You may have 3 children because your contraception failed. You may have chosen to have 3 children and now deeply regret it. Just as with having no children there is no way to know how the person you are talking to feels about their situation.

Generally it's very very rude.
However in this instance, whilst ill thought and unprofessional, it sounds like it was perhaps how he feels more than anything. You say he's a young man. Perhaps he has anxiety about becoming a father before he's ready. I knew men like that in my twenties. Obsessive about using condoms because they absolutely did not want children. It probably didn't occur to him it might not be lucky for other people. It was a clumsy attempt at building rapport.

Went to the bank to change my name back to my maiden name following my (terrible) divorce.

Went to the desk and said "I'd like to change my name". She said all cheerily "oh, have you just got married?".

Now if I was in my 20s and all excited then maybe it would have been a reasonable assumption, but as I was mid 40s and probably looking miserable and worn out, she could have considered that maybe it was a divorce.

I didn't really mind, more baffled as I'm sure bank staff are trained not to try and make small talk about customer's personal situations.

Yes I have had things like "Very wise!" and "Chose the quiet life did you?" when I've said I have no children. I did want them, just didn't happen.

Go with another company.
What's next? comments about having "your pipes cleaned" in the mail room?????

@BoomBoomsCousin

How the hell are the two comparable. You have children because you choose to, but you may have tried for years to get pregnant, had miscarriages or even lost a child. What the hell is the bright side of that?

You may have 3 children because you're in an abusive relationship with someone who rapes you and won't let you take contraception. You may have 3 children because your contraception failed. You may have chosen to have 3 children and now deeply regret it. Just as with having no children there is no way to know how the person you are talking to feels about their situation.

Yes, indeed. In that case it’s bloody ignorant to make any comment on a woman’s fertility, in the name of oiling social interaction.

Yanbu, it’s never something that should be commented on positively or negatively. That was very unprofessional of them.

You have children because you choose to

Not always. Coercion, DV, etc.

How on earth did you get from financial advice with an IFA to dating?

I understand what you mean, but do sometimes think we're on the brink of taking offence at everything that comes our way. It's chit chat, the inanities should be instantly forgettable. No-one in these circumstances is making a judgement on how you live, they're just trying to fill the silence. And I speak as someone who frequently gets addressed as 'sir' in shops and cafes when I am definitely a natal adult human female.

It's rude and it implies that children are government issued and not a choice