No children lucky you

[Pensionluckyyou]

As a woman of a certain age I’ve accepted there are no children for me

Speaking to what I thought was an IFA about my pension options but turned out to be a introduction firm when asked about dependants I was told 'no children lucky you'

Now I’m not precious about my situation. Just seemed really crass to say such a comment within 5 mins of speaking to a potential client

It's also like being told that you're mad and crazy because you have more than 2 or 3 children.
So rude.
Sorry to hear people say this to you Op. Hope all is well with you

GreyishDays
Oh dear, he was just trying to be nice. It’s a bit awkward if you ask someone if they have children and the answer is no.
“Next time someone asks me if I have children I’ll lie and say I have. Can’t have people feeling awkward”

@SerenDippitty

So it’s not ok to fill a space with a banal positive bit of bumph, it’s not ok to feel a bit uncomfortable with a a gap, what is the right response?

Last time I asked someone if they had children I was 23 and didn’t have or want any, it wasn’t from a position of smug mothering.

In these circumstances the man did not need to fill the space with anything, he needed to move on. No response was called for at all.

Unless they would have said the same thing to a man my first thought was #everydaysexism ?

It is insensitive but unfortunately not all people are sensitive! Clearly no harm was meant so personally in a situation like this I'd just try and brush it off.

I hate it when people make assumptions, whatever the context. When my father died and there were loads of sympathy cards arriving at the house, my granny opened the door to the postman and he said "Happy Birthday!". Granny soon put him right bless her.

This is one of those things that would drive me over the edge since turning 35. When I’m asked, I tend to prempt it now by saying “no, sadly.” and hopefully that avoids any further probing/insensitive comments.

The people whining that everyone else should stop being “over sensitive” are completely devoid of empathy and clearly have no personal experience of infant bereavement or infertility.

The comment was rude, hurtful and insensitive. It’s not “small talk” and it certainly isn’t “common sense”. What awful comments.

I always wonder at these threads. Do some posters really think they have never said something that someone else has thought inappropriate?

Everyone is guilty of making small talk faux pas in all sorts of settings, let's not pretend otherwise.

Thanks everyone again for your replies. Agree some people (including me) are more sensitive to comments like this which is why they shouldn’t be said.

I had the call with the IFA (not impressed) and said 'yes the introducer had given me all the info I needed and had been helpful' which was true

Going back through the questions the IFA said so no children or dependants to which I replied ' correct. I did find it strange to be told yesterday by the introducer I was lucky not to have any children'

There was an awkward silence, the IFA got the point, and we moved on to the next question

I know you can’t think of every situation the other person could be in when making silly comments but some people really should try

Do some posters really think they have never said something that someone else has thought inappropriate?

What’d that got to do with anything?

Making people feel like shit isn’t okay. You don’t have to be some kind of magical perfect person to advocate for empathy and kindness.

The idea that we should just stop bothering trying to be kind and dismiss anyone we hurt as “oversensitive” on the grounds that everyone does it sometimes is insane.

@Emeeno1

I always wonder at these threads. Do some posters really think they have never said something that someone else has thought inappropriate?

Everyone is guilty of making small talk faux pas in all sorts of settings, let's not pretend otherwise.

Not at work, which is not a small talk situation, but wouldn't be surprised to get a complain if I did!

I'm infertile and have been trying for years, and this wouldn't bother me. It was just a passing comment. I'm sure I make similar comments about other topics in my ignorance without realising it. Conversation is so hard when you have to over analyse every remark for offence.

@Emeeno1

I always wonder at these threads. Do some posters really think they have never said something that someone else has thought inappropriate?

Everyone is guilty of making small talk faux pas in all sorts of settings, let's not pretend otherwise.

Totally agree.

It’s no wonder that anxiety in young people is so prevalent, off the cuff comments like this that that are not intended to be rude can be taken the complete wrong way.

Yes I agree it wasn’t the best response but what if this individual is a bit socially awkward and just didn’t know what else to say?

When you work in finance you get trained to just zip it or stick to the weather.

@DeliciouslyFemale

Oh BashfulClam, that's absolutely horrible. You really should speak out the next time some ignorant twonk comes out with crap like that. I have four children that came to me as young teenagers. They are mine in every way that counts and they feel the same. I still get asked why I did t want any of my ‘own’. This is why prefer working with animals.

I can’t though as the subject is hard even after trying to make my peace with it. If I try to say anything I’ll just burst into tears. When people are stupid and rude enough to ask about my child free status I just plaster on a fair smile and say ‘it just never happened , the weather is really rotten now!’ Defend and deflect.

YABU. It doesn't sound as though it was meant in a hurtful way, sounds like he or she was just trying to be funny.

YANBU. It was unprofessional.

unprofessional yes, but I wouldn't be dwelling on it. Sometimes people are just stupid and say things for the sake of filling the silence.