TL;DR
Therapist backtracked on discussed location for an outdoor session, gave a made-up reason (later admitted it was actually for other, personal reasons) at a point it was too late for me to cancel, then insisted on exploring why this was annoying for me in our session, I.e. ‘does this happen a lot in your relationships?’ ‘It’s frustrating when things don’t go our way isn’t it?’ ‘This is a great opportunity to explore how anger feels for you?’ (I had already accepted their explanation and was happy to move on). AIBU to feel weirded out by and uncomfortable about this?!? Is this something that happens a lot or is a known challenge in therapy (I.e. the therapist getting defensive or attributing justified unease about some aspect of their service to the client’s ‘issues’, perhaps even without meaning to)?
Full details to avoid dripfeeding
Ok so I recently started private counselling sessions. Have had about 5 or 6. It’s pretty new for me. Going fine, have been considering last few weeks wrapping things up as it all seems a bit open ended and unfocused, and I’m not sure it’s quite what I’m after.
Because of corona we initially spoke on the phone which was limited then recently met somewhere outside for the first time to have a face to face session. The location suggested by the therapist was very public and relatively busy.
I suggested a quieter public location ahead of the first outdoor meeting and they said they wouldn’t feel comfortable changing the location at short notice as they need to familiarise themselves with it but they’d be happy to consider it for future weeks. Fair enough.
Met in the park they suggested and whilst it was nice to meet in person there were lots of people running, walking, gardening, working, etc. So not really able to be private or confidential. The sessions aren’t cheap and a lot of it was chit chat and waiting for people to pass, etc.
This week I’ve been thinking of wrapping things up anyway but asked if we could go ahead at the quieter alternative location as discussed. At this point they said they don’t know who owns the land (it’s public council owned) so it won’t be possible and we can meet at their suggested location.
I’m not really comfortable meeting round a lot of people and really looking for face to face meetings (or to wait until things have opened up more) but it was now within the 48 hour cancellation period so I felt backing out, although justified given the lack of clear communication, would be awkward and undermine the previous sessions. I didn’t really want to spend £50 on the session but thought it would be better to go ahead and cut my losses to avoid leaving things on an awkward note.
The topic of this miscommunication came up when we met and they explained that it was actually for very personal reasons they didn’t want to meet in this other place as they might feel ‘triggered’ (not because of the reason given in the text). Fair enough, I just wish this had been communicated transparently so I could cancel the session. I explained that I would have cancelled the session if it had been clear in advance although I did understand their personal discomfort around this other location and thanks for the explanation, etc.
We went and sat down and I felt there wasn’t really anything I wanted to talk about (I’d mostly gone along just to round things off and there was also a guy chopping bits off trees a metre or so behind us) and said I was actually happy to end the session early. I felt I’d done my bit by paying the fee and going along and was happy to wrap things up.
However they said they felt sad about this and asked me to explain how I felt about the miscommunication. I tried to explain that it was fine but they were insistent and asked if I felt annoyed. I conceded sure yes it had been a bit annoying but it was fine and I was happy to move on. They ventured “yes, but you could have mentioned something about the location at the end of our session last week”. They continued “it’s frustrating when things don’t go our way isn’t it” and then asked, “does this happen often in your relationships?” (I’d expressed previously feeling angry about some pretty crappy behaviour by a family member who I’d distanced myself from, so this seemed like a ‘knowing’/pointed question). I started to feel uneasy and uncomfortable at this point. Like a sketch with a therapist turning up half an hour late and asking if you experienced a lot of lateness in your childhood (rather than you just reasonably expecting them to be on time).
They finally agreed to end the session and we made chit chat as we walked back to the meeting point.
I’m left feeling a bit weirded out by it now to be honest (apologies if it all sounds quite trivial! I know it is in the wider scheme of things). I tried to do the right thing and not be a ‘difficult customer’ and I feel like they used their position and the privileged information I’ve shared in a way that left me feeling uncomfortable. AIBU to be a bit weirded out by the whole thing?? Thanks if you read this far!