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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour is an idiot

73 replies

Happyinmyownworld · 02/09/2020 12:57

He lives opposite. 40s. Was in a same sex relationship with a pensioner. They split. He now lives alone. I parked my car on the road outside his house legally years ago. He swore at me and a male member of my family had words with him about it being perfectly legal and not to speak to a women like that again. The police came around. The police agreed with us and it ended. He's remained silent for years but he's a typical curtain twitcher. Stuck a note on my dad's friends work van too years ago. My dad's friends 6ft 7 and a gentle giant. But it's like this guy thinks he can square up to anyone.

House up road is having a porch built. The chaps doing it are travellers/gypsys Working long days and keeping the street tidy. One knocked on lots of doors yesterday including mine. Perfectly polite. Left his card. Thanked us and left. Lady over the road has decided to have a drive put in. They were onto it last night bringing things around. I saw the man opposite start shouting at the man. He was trying to reassure him his wall would not be damaged. Then the stroppy git shouted I work for the council & stormed in his house. Rang his ex who came around with his new husband. They looked the workmen up and down. Slept over at his house. Used their cars to block the area around his house this morning. He's gone to work and his mum and ex are guarding the house. I took my kids out and one of the work lads spoke to my little lad about the digger. I spoke to him about this bloke and he said he was really difficult and was really rude. He said you meet people from all walks of life and should be polite. I then told him to use my drive for his truck and he was really greatful and thanked me.

I am sick of this man thinking because he works for the council he rules the world. I honestly am annoyed at how he's behaved. The people having work done have a really overgrown garden and it's nice for them to get it sorted. Now he's causing them stress.

I feel like ringing the council and asking them if he's entitled to abuse people in his role. Because he's always doing so!

OP posts:
AyeCorona1 · 02/09/2020 13:11

Does he really work for the council?

In my job, (public sector, community based) we are allowed to live our lives how we see fit. However, if for example I was posting public pics if me getting wasted every weekend on public social media, or getting trashed in the local area where our service users might see me and take their own pictures, my line manager would be having very stern words about privacy settings etc and bringing the company into disrepute.

I would be contacting the council to make a complaint about his attitude but ONLY in relation to the fact he brings up his job with them at the same time. He's not doing himself any favours, and certainly showing his employers in a very negative light.

Original poster
Happyinmyownworld · 02/09/2020 13:18

Hi yes he has a council van and comes home at dinner. He's an absolute bully. He was disgusting last night. Shouting and storming about. The lady having the work done had her children with her. I think hes likely judging them because of who they are but it's really unnecessary as they are just working for a living. He uses our drive to reverse his van in too so hes a complete Hipocrit about people's parking rights. We've all got driveways too. His is off road and ours are on the street.

He seems to think working for the council makes him know everything. Tradesman know what they need to check before doing work too. I just think he's intimidating (well trying too) by having his family glaring at people working.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 02/09/2020 13:24

Yes, why wouldn't you ring.
He's driving a Council van and was extremely threatening.
It's not the first time.
Ring 101 as well.
Give them the reg of the van and tell the Council you are reporting his threatening behaviour to the poilice.
Say as a woman with young children, you and your children found it very distressing.

Prick!

Ponoka7 · 02/09/2020 13:27

My advice would be to never get into other people's battles. The woman has a partner and the children a Father to fight their battles. What was your plan? You have words then get male relatives to threaten him again?

You're a bit of a curtain twitcher yourself, if you know exactly what was said to him. Whatever it was he felt intimidated enough to not want to be alone. Has he been targeted before because of his sexuality?

Plussizejumpsuit · 02/09/2020 13:31

He sounds like a dick but what has him previously being in a same sex relationship got to do with anything? Are you pointing out the builders are travellers and you think he might be being a dick because of this? If not then that also has nothing to do with the story.

canigooutyet · 02/09/2020 13:34

What does his sexuality have to do with anything?
Why is it relevant that his ex partner stayed the night?

Why are you getting so involved in other people's lives? The neighbour and whoever can sort their own issues out with this person.

seayork2020 · 02/09/2020 13:36

Aren't you just as bad getting involved?

Original poster
Happyinmyownworld · 02/09/2020 13:41

@billy1966

He's been abusing people on this street for years now. He just keeps it coming. He's got the police around there now. He will never change. He knows nothing about law and boundaries at all. I think his work need to be aware of his attitude. He targets people for no reason.

As for pp who said send my male family over. If a grown man told your teenage daughter to get fucked and move away from the front of his house I'm sure you would want to remind him to remember his manners. You shouldn't speak to anyone like that. Especially a female young enough to be your daughter. He's a nasty piece of work always causing trouble for people.

His ex husband going around to stare out the workmen is disgusting that's why. I could hear his big gob in the street that's how I heard. Not hard to hear people screaming two meters into the street!

OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 02/09/2020 13:47

Why did you mention him being gay how is that relevant ?

Why did you mention his boyfriends age what has that got to do with you/ anything?

Why did you get a man to speak to him about his swearing at you should have been assertive yourself . sexist nonsense that rudeness is worse if said to a woman

You come across as homophobic and sexist

He sounds rude and v difficult

Apart from the parking issue non of this has anything to do with you

ChickensMightFly · 02/09/2020 13:49

You're right op, and there is nothing wrong in caring that your neighbours are being bullied by the guy in the neighbourhood who likes to throw his weight around.
Sadly you won't change him and I think intervening is likely to make matters worse. The workmen don't seem intimidated and it will blow over once the work is done.
It is clear your sense of justice is offended, and from what you've said it would offend many (regardless of whether you've included any irrelevant details), but sadly a crusade to make him back off is as likely to inflame things as it is to solve, so the best thing you can do is offer supportive sympathy and solidarity to the beleaguered neighbour.

Original poster
Happyinmyownworld · 02/09/2020 13:49

No different to me saying he had a wife and now the ex wife is back is it? You've interpreptated it be offensive. That's your own mind I'm afraid going to the wrong place.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyinmyownworld · 02/09/2020 13:50

@nitsandwormsdodger

What nonsense!

OP posts:
AskDan · 02/09/2020 13:51

I think you need to take a step back and move away from the curtains. You seem really over involved.

In all seriousness, what do you expect his employer to do in the situation? It is your word against his.

Original poster
Happyinmyownworld · 02/09/2020 13:51

@ChickensMightFly
Thanks. I think you are right. He's just never going to change!

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 02/09/2020 13:55

He swore at me and a male member of my family had words with him about it being perfectly legal and not to speak to a women like that again.

He shouldn’t be addressing anyone like that, female or male. Sex is irrelevant here.

I think you also come across as a nosy neighbour/curtain twitcher and need to mind your own business, and if you have an issue with him, speak to him yourself.

bluecoffeecups · 02/09/2020 13:58

So some random workmen have come along and put card through people's doors and on the strength of that, a lady in your street has decided to have her driveway done?

That's got potential scam written all over it.

Original poster
Happyinmyownworld · 02/09/2020 13:59

@heartsonacake

Calm down. Sorry to hear the males in your family won't look out for you. My brother reminded him of my legal right to park there. I was 18 and intimidated by him. He said I don't want to hear you've sworn at my sister like that again. I'm now 31 and very capable of sticking up for myself. But if he spoke to my children like that I would not be a shrinking violet. Not all 18 year olds no how to deal with horrible older men!

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyinmyownworld · 02/09/2020 14:01

@bluecoffeecups

Goodness me. They are working up the road already and have a full professional website. A scam? Why? Because they are travellers and search for work in a different way? You can't tar everyone with the same brush.

OP posts:
ChickensMightFly · 02/09/2020 14:02

I think you're getting a lot of flack for carrying for your neighbours here. If a person has seen someone make things unpleasant for others over a long period of time why would it not get under their skin from time to time.
If you were out telling everyone what to do, judging 'er at number 26', supplying your favourites with parking cones and all that stuff you could be accused of being a busybody... But how is noticing what's going on in that territory? It doesn't come across to me as though you are on the alert looking for things to complain about, you just seem to care about the fair.
He'll be a thorn in the side wherever he goes with that character, unfortunately. Sadly we have to accept this world contains all sorts even when it is detrimental to neighborhood harmony.

GetawayfromthatWelshtart · 02/09/2020 14:04

@bluecoffeecups

So some random workmen have come along and put card through people's doors and on the strength of that, a lady in your street has decided to have her driveway done?

That's got potential scam written all over it.

What??

My neighbours had a tree cut down and some fencing put up, the workmen knocked on all the doors down the street and also politely gave people their card to keep if they wanted work done.

Same thing happened when some neighbours had their windows done.

How the hell do you think people in that type of work get additional jobs? People down the street see how good their work is and ask them to do some for them. That's how things work in RL.

Bloody hell...

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 02/09/2020 14:05

Step away from the curtains...

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2020 14:06

@AskDan

I think you need to take a step back and move away from the curtains. You seem really over involved.

In all seriousness, what do you expect his employer to do in the situation? It is your word against his.

This ^^

I can't believe how detailed the OP is, even including the man's relationships and the ethnicity of the builders 😅

OP, it's not nice having a dickhead for a neighbour but I can't see his employers getting involved in petty out of work disputes.

Justaboy · 02/09/2020 14:08

Humm .. where i grew up the local men would have sorted this out ages ago, usally with a quick challenge of "Come outside and say that"

Sometimes that did happen, a quick bout of fisticuffs sorted it and peace reigned again;!

The joys of living on a hard as nails council estate that was self policing!

tiredanddangerous · 02/09/2020 14:10

There's a guy on our road like this. He doesn't claim to work for the council but anyone who dares park on the public road outside his house gets a rude note put on their windscreen. My life's got to be happier than his though.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/09/2020 14:10

What's his sexuality got to do with anything?

What's the fact that he is in his 40s and his partner was a pensioner got to do with anything?

How do you even know that the people doing the woman's porch are travellers/gypsies? Why is it relevant?

What has any of it got to do with you? If he has shouted at someone else then I would leave it to them to complain if they wish to and stop being so interfering.