Friend cleaning my bathroom

[Imworthit]

Went to visit friend and she walked me home. Asked what I was doing later and I said cleaning up. She popped in for a min to pick something up. Kept making comments about the state of my house making me feel pretty shit. Insisted we clean it up then and there. She even went and scrubbed my loo while I was downstairs mopping. AIBU that it left me feeling a bit upset? Or should I just appreciate her kind offer of help.

@FluffyKittensinabasket

Weren’t we told we had to clean bathrooms if we went to other people’s houses because of Covid19? Was it a government mandated order?

I wonder when that requirement was dropped.

Wiping the loo seat & cleaning the taps -yes

Scrubbing the bath & shower & a full clean if the loo - no.

sounds out of character and you're a nice person for being so forgiving

I was mowing the lawn the day of my dad's funeral just for something to take my mind off it. It probably appeared totally inappropriate to anyone who knew.

@TheSeedsOfADream

I'd be far more offended about the lying about me being pissed tbh. I'd just be mortified someone had felt the need to clean for me.

Yeah the unnecessary lying freaked me out....... Its not the time at all but at some point in the future I'll speak to her about her odd boundaries with her ex.

Personally I think it was nice of her.

A friend who cares enough about you to scrub your loo is a keeper imo.

The time between a death and the funeral is like being in limbo. Maybe your friend just needed to keep herself occupied and when you mentioned cleaning she saw it as a distraction. If she hasn't done anything like this before, I'd just let it go.

You are enormously kind and empathetic to take this approach. While I agree that it is probably grief, I also think that you should allow yourself to be annoyed by comments about your weight, your boyfriend, and your mother--not the mention the weird day drinking lie.

So, feel free to be angry about that. I mean, I wouldn't tell her, and I wouldn't confront her, but you shouldn't feel bad yourself about being taken aback.

Jaysus. I don't even let my cleaning lady clean my bathroom. It's just too personal an area for me to let anyone else into. Eww. She sounds nosey.

You got the mopping thang all wrong, pet.

When she started scrubbing your loo, that was your cue to flop on the sofa with a glass of wine, and turn on the TV, while you did your nails.

Oh god that's funny 😂🤣😂

Many moons ago a friends husband left her. She went to bits. I went round the house was a mess. I said come on lets get stuck in, gave her the upstairs to do, I really could not do someone elses bathroom too personal, so I did the kitchen, sitting room, hall, stairs. Then popped to shops did a load of shopping restocked fridge, cupboards for her and DC. Then we collapsed with a bottle of wine. I know though that she would have done the same for me.

I think when I see someone in a bit of a crisis that I am a role sleeves up practical type though.

Roll sleeves up. predictive text sigh...

Don't think it's weird. Some people enjoy cleaning and she probably thinks she's helped you out. She could probably have been a bit more tactful but if she was being mean she wouldn't have done any cleaning.

Think she meant well. Recently bereaved people tend to act out of character so cleaning your loo might have been a coping strategy. Or she wanted some time with you and tried to be helpful, not thinking what she was doing!

Cut her some slack.

Do you think she maybe didn’t want to go home? Making excuses why she was taking longer and then asking what you were doing later, then doing it for you makes me think she didn’t really want to leave.

Sounds like a distraction for her, she didn't want to go home. Helping you even if you didn't need it, helped her feel like she was doing something positive at a time where there was nothing she could do to help her family. I would send a thinking of you card and thank her for helping you sort out your place. It helped her, no need to reference that though!

She's a friend so wouldn't want to upset or offend you. She was probably just trying to help.

You could have said 'no, don't worry please come have a cuppa'. Not let her get upstairs with the bleach and gloves.

Good on you for pulling her up on the lies about you to her ex. What she said was slanderous.

Her using you as an emotionally punching bag (EPB) and invading your home like that must have been deeply unpleasant for you, particularly as it has upset you so much.

Perhaps not as “deeply unpleasant” as losing a BF or a much loved FIL

She probably just wants to help. I'd let it slide and be thankful this time. If it becomes a habit well.. that's something else.

sheesh anyone wants to clean in my house more than welcome its such a ball ache

If her dad hadn't just died, I'd think it was actually very rude and I'd be upset. But considering her situation, she probably needed to do it.

Sounds like a good friend of she's prepared to clean the loo!
Try not to be upset I doubt she meant any harm and would be mortified if she knew you felt bad.

I saw her again today. Yeah she's just really not coping at all. Didn't want to go home last night, appologied for certain things, knew she'd been kind of harsh. Had to take a taxi with her to get her to go home again tonight. Just gonna put on my big girl pants for the week. She clearly feels like she needs me. Thanks for all the comments guys and kind words. 😊