Friend cleaning my bathroom

[Imworthit]

Went to visit friend and she walked me home. Asked what I was doing later and I said cleaning up. She popped in for a min to pick something up. Kept making comments about the state of my house making me feel pretty shit. Insisted we clean it up then and there. She even went and scrubbed my loo while I was downstairs mopping. AIBU that it left me feeling a bit upset? Or should I just appreciate her kind offer of help.

YANBU but if it's out of character I'd let it go as a result of the bereavement.

What hurtful things did she say?

That's the kind of thing I would do ( for a good friend or member of my family) because I enjoy cleaning. It's like someone insisting on giving you a lift , a mind gesture.
Maybe you dont have that level of intimacy?

No thanks its my hone appreciate your offer. Simple

A kind gesture that should say

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

Be really honest with yourself, was it grim? If so she might think you're struggling in some way and any friend willing to clean your toilet seems a good one.

Sounds like a brilliant friend.

Is she always like that? Is it normal for her to put you down?

As pp said, anybody that is willing to clean your loo sounds like a good mate.

Maybe she really needs a friend at the mo and mucking in and helping you makes her feel like you're a closer friend and she's not alone.

Her head will be all over the place so she won't be thinking about how to get things across but her intentions sound good. Maybe she just wants you to be there for each other.

I'd just buy her some flowers or chocolate (small amount of money, token gesture) to say thanks for helping you out

Id be grateful. My friend comes and helps me clean up my shit tip occasionally

I have not voted because I don't think this is a voting kind of scenario.

"I don't know. Her fil had just died so maybe she just wanted a distraction. Left me feeling really weird tho."

I would take it as a kindly but strange gesture from a friend who is grieving.

I'd thank her for it, send some flowers or a card for her loss and I'd not discuss cleaning with her again.

" Asked what I was doing later and I said cleaning up" It's not wrong to discuss cleaning, of course, but for whatever reason she may have issues with cleanliness, maybe a touch of OCD and that thinking or talking about cleaning may be triggering to her.

I'd say it is about her and not you and you do not need to feel weird.

(I have OCD but not the cleaning kind!)

Maybe she feels like you are close enough friends for her to be that over-familiar with. I would behave like that with my sister. I'd be brutally honest and just help her. In her head, perhaps she sees the friendship differently to you and is more invested in it? She may be a little lonely and longing for close connections, so exaggerates the ones she's got.

Bloody rude of her! (Does she do bedrooms???).

Is she is over invested in instagram cleaning accounts ?

Vent away. I like the pp idea of flowers and card. It's one of those moments where years later you realise what a daft/offensive thing you did and realise what a truly great mate you have.

@lyralalala

What hurtful things did she say?

About the state of my house, my weight, my boyfriend, not helping my mum. Don't want to go into it more really cause i'll cry. She lied to her ex partner on the phone that I'd been day drinking and she'd had to take me home... That part was weird. I called her out on that one and she apologised. Said he would think she was off drunk and crying somewhere if she didn't make something up 🙄 The truth was much more normal. Your right everyone who said grief was making her act random as fuck. She's usually very kind and sweet and doesn't put me down. I think it was very much all her fears projected.....ill let this go and just keep an eye on how she's with me in the future.

Haha I have a friend like this. She she works in v posh people's homes starting out as cleaning staff - so she is v v good a cleaning and not afraid to tell me when my place looks a mess.

I just let her get on with it. I've known her since we were 15 so I don't care if she judges me really!

On another thread we have someone complaining that her friends won't help her out by sending round a gardener or buying her a washing machine.

Here OP is complaining because her friend helped her clean her house. Why are people so determined to complain and be unhappy ?

Try not to be offended OP, though it's hard. It's probably more about the state of her mind, than the state of your house.

Grief manifests in different ways, she probably needs friends more than ever.

OP, you know your friend best and if this was all completely out of character.

Her using you as an emotionally punching bag (EPB) and invading your home like that must have been deeply unpleasant for you, particularly as it has upset you so much.

Don't allow it to become a habit.

I'd be far more offended about the lying about me being pissed tbh. I'd just be mortified someone had felt the need to clean for me.

You don't need people like that in your life, send he round to me, I need her more.

Seriously it is probably just the grief.

Yeah she is very lonely and just lost her best friend... I think in a weird way she was trying to make sure I was healthy, fit and happy not put me down. She was her Fil carer so I think she needs someone to mother.

Yeah I'll get the card, flowers etc and do something nice for her.

Send her to my house! I wouldn’t mind at all. I agree with everyone who has said it sounds like grief.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Love all the comments about sending her round 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I would try to take it as her kindness. Just complaining and saying nasty thing is one thing, but she actually cleaned it for you. Not many people would do that for a friend.