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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend cleaning my bathroom

74 replies

Imworthit · 01/09/2020 12:16

Went to visit friend and she walked me home. Asked what I was doing later and I said cleaning up. She popped in for a min to pick something up. Kept making comments about the state of my house making me feel pretty shit. Insisted we clean it up then and there. She even went and scrubbed my loo while I was downstairs mopping. AIBU that it left me feeling a bit upset? Or should I just appreciate her kind offer of help.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 01/09/2020 12:18

Why did you let her do that? You should have told her to leave

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 01/09/2020 12:19

Be really honest with yourself, was it grim? If so she might think you're struggling in some way and any friend willing to clean your toilet seems a good one.

EleanorOalike · 01/09/2020 12:21

Bloody hell that was crass of her!

What an insult. YANBU, she was rude.

Original poster
Imworthit · 01/09/2020 12:21

I don't know. Her fil had just died so maybe she just wanted a distraction. Left me feeling really weird tho.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 01/09/2020 12:22

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

Be really honest with yourself, was it grim? If so she might think you're struggling in some way and any friend willing to clean your toilet seems a good one.
Even if it was the OP had said she was spending the day cleaning so it really wasn't necessary to go on about it
Original poster
Imworthit · 01/09/2020 12:24

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

Be really honest with yourself, was it grim? If so she might think you're struggling in some way and any friend willing to clean your toilet seems a good one.
It wasn't that grim but it's usually much tidier. I do think your right tho that was her intention.
OP posts:
Newfornow · 01/09/2020 12:24

5 Gable End. Send her round please.
Grin

PicaK · 01/09/2020 12:28

Then she was grieving and not thinking straight. I remember furiously cleaning the bathrooms when my dog died - just that need to do something, anything to try and manage. Obvs big difference between a dog and a person.
I'd let it go. It wasn't about you.

keepingbees · 01/09/2020 12:33

Sounds like she was needing a grief distraction and trying to help in a haphazard way.
Most people wouldn't go straight for cleaning the toilet, if the house was just messy it would be more likely you'd pick up a few things if you wanted to help.

Regularsizedrudy · 01/09/2020 12:33

That is odd but if she’s normally okay I would put this down to her grieving and needing a distraction, don’t take it personally.. at least the loos clean now!

Toddlerteaplease · 01/09/2020 12:34

My mum cleans my bathroom and kitchen when she comes round. Even though they are clean. I'm not complaining at all!

Cheeseandwin5 · 01/09/2020 12:34

@Newfornow

Brilliant haha

I have to agree with others, I don't think this about you at all but rather a way to distract her.

Just accept it as a kind deed by someone who was willing to help.

Original poster
Imworthit · 01/09/2020 12:36

@Pikak I know your right was just trying to distract herself. Her comments all over the place. I just needed to vent really. She did say some very hurtful things but I know it wasn't really about me at all.

OP posts:
ILoveFood87 · 01/09/2020 12:37

I have a mate that lives in such a shit storm of a home but thinks its fine, like she has commented how her MIL said its messy and she was offended by it. Maybe your like this.

GrumpyHoonMain · 01/09/2020 12:38

I have done this and it’s usually because I’m kind of overbearing when I am stressed out and view this as helping. Luckily my friends and family love my cleaning their places - but as you don’t just have a quiet word with her.

Poulter · 01/09/2020 12:39

I'd think it was a distraction. Also a way to feel better about herself by helping someone else.

Helping others can be a big support when you're struggling and it often doesn't come from a place of being patronising. If she's generally not someone who puts you down or criticises you I'd put it down as a nice gesture.

Original poster
Imworthit · 01/09/2020 12:42

Oh I have no intention of mentioning it at all. Funerals on Thursday.

I more just needed a kick up the bum that she meant no harm.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/09/2020 12:48

If she's saying hurtful things then I'd struggle with that. I'd also see her behaviour as very critical. Is she normally like this?

seayork2020 · 01/09/2020 12:51

Yes i find the idea weird in my head, I would stop anyone cleaning my toilet or anything else.

I can give them a list if they like

hamstersarse · 01/09/2020 12:51

That would piss me off, even if she is trying to be 'helpful'.

But let it go, and then take a nice satisfying shit in your clean toilet.

rorosemary · 01/09/2020 12:55

Grieving people can act weird. She was probably trying to get rid of some negative energy and subconsciously used you for that. If so she won't have realised how she came across. Grief can make you drown a bit in only your own feelings. If she's normally nice, I'd let it go.

If she's always a shit friend you might want to slowly create some distance.

GinDrinker00 · 01/09/2020 12:55

I’d find that really weird. I would of said something espically if she’s making horrid comments to you.

FluffyKittensinabasket · 01/09/2020 12:57

Weren’t we told we had to clean bathrooms if we went to other people’s houses because of Covid19? Was it a government mandated order?

I wonder when that requirement was dropped.

DilloDaf · 01/09/2020 12:58

YABU to let her order you about in your own house.
When she insisted you both clean it up you should have told her to fuck off.

MikeUniformMike · 01/09/2020 13:01

Send her round to mine, she can do the whole house.