But I’m wondering what the dynamics are like in the relationship in the first place that made him think a lie was preferable?
Doesn’t need to be ANYTHING to do with the dynamics of the ops relationship but certainly COULD be to do with the dynamics of the ops boyfriends relationship with this female work colleague
Ie that he KNEW that his relationship with the colleague had already or was likely to overstep boundaries.
If he’s already having either an emotional or even physical relationship with the colleague (which frankly it sounds as if it is distinctly possible) then he will have had a reason for not wanting to tell op that he was meeting up with female colleague alone and possibly alerting op to an inappropriate relationship with the colleague.
I agree that men and women can be just friends, but when someone in a relationship is not being honest with their girlfriend/partner/spouse about such relationships then that IS suspicious - why LIE if everything is above board?
Remember too that cheaters tend to not only lie but gaslight, rewrite the relationship history, paint the person they’re cheating on badly to their affair partner - “my wife doesn’t understand me” “my fiancé is jealous and controlling” etc when it’s plain not true!
If you havent met his female friend then surely she could only be calling you controlling if HE said that about you...to her? exactly! All this woman knows about op is what ops boyfriend has told her! And if he’s trying to get his leg over with her knowing he’s supposed to be in a committed relationship with someone else he’s got to justify his behaviour
My ex cheated, I’d never had cause to be jealous or insecure - until he was cheating!
I’d never been controlling in any way, yet AS SOON as I queried the mentionitis he went on and on that I’d “always” been jealous etc - total bullshit, totally intended as deflection!
But it took my mum and closest friend (both of whom knew him too) to point out that in 10 years I’d never had a problem with him having female friends and even going on nights out/weekends away/weeks away with work etc with them without me, for me to realise/accept he was playing silly buggers!
On the advice of another relative instead of my normal reaction of going steaming in with accusations, I played it cool and let him think he was getting away with it, and tight enough this led to him being lazy/careless and me getting the evidence I needed for my own peace of mind so when I ended the relationship I knew I had good reason to.
A month after I kicked him out he told me she was pregnant, not even a month! And he STILL tried to claim they’d not slept together until I kicked him out - and he STILL tried to maintain that lie even when said baby turned up less than 7 months later!! Aside from anything else it was bloody insulting that he thought I was STUPID enough to believe such obvious lies!
Whether he’s cheating or not he IS being disloyal.
Loyalty means putting you first and putting her straight when she’s bad mouthing you - neither of which he appears to be doing!