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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People are so rude

101 replies

Lollypopsun · 31/08/2020 19:08

Just a little rant, just been out for lunch with OH and the children, went to a local bar wasn't too busy when we got there waitress said to choose a table, so we sat down ordered food and drinks. While waiting it started to get busy so the waitress started showing customers to tables, a family came in that wanted a table of 6 and 4 which there wasn't two together. One of them pointed to our table of 4 and said can you ask them to move so we can sit there, I heard the waitress say no I'm not asking them. One of them had the nerve to come over and say can you move to another table so we can sit there, I obviously said no.
I was a bit gobsmacked that someone who be so rude to walk in and expect someone to move for them.
Would you have moved for them?

OP posts:
ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 31/08/2020 22:20

I’m normally all for being nice, but given corona if by moving I’d create more work for the waitress - resanitising the table etc - I think it might be kinder to stay put, especially as she had already said no. Only exception would be if it was for disabled access.

Angelina82 · 01/09/2020 05:49

There you go, OP, you've just won the MN Virtue Signaller's Lottery! You are: selfish, thoughtless, not nice and . . . drum roll . . . unkind.

I know that ‘virtue signaller’ is the in phrase on MN at the mo, but perhaps learn what it actually means before using again. Hmm

Marchitectmummy · 01/09/2020 06:25

I would have moved, restaurants and bars need the custom. It would have made life easy for someone else with a tiny bit of inconvenience to me, so yep I woukd move.

If everyone helps each other a little bit life is much more rewarding.

lilsquish · 01/09/2020 06:50

i would have moved, really dont see the issue.

actually, I'd have offered on hearing them requesting the waitress ask

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 01/09/2020 07:03

YANBU

Would have screwed an automated ordering system
Most restaurants I've been in not taking large bookings atm

If it was a celebration - should have reserved a table
It was the final day of eat out to help out - should have reserved a table - I did to have lunch out by myself.

the waitress said "no" for a reason (other than everyone playing musical chairs buggering up the ordering system and requiring table to be re-sanitised.
“If you are eating or drinking outdoors, you can do so with one other household or in a group of up to six people from different households.
Don’t expect to mingle with other tables; a minimum of a one metre distance must be maintained at all times. Popping over to tables for a quick hello is best avoided. "

so two tables close together to effectively create a table of ten isn't really on; + waitress probably didn't want to serve pushy entitled twats.

Valwillgo · 01/09/2020 07:05

These CF are everywhere. I was once asked to swap seats in the theatre (all seats pre-booked). The woman’s face when I said no!

And “No” was all I said, many years before reading on MN that it is a complete sentence.

You were right to say no OP if only to make some inroads into the askers perceived entitlement.

transformandriseup · 01/09/2020 07:13

If the family did actually point at the OPs table surely that is very rude.

woopsie · 01/09/2020 07:21

Well it depends how they asked. How was their tone? Did they have the same tone as the ones who tell you to move you are invading my 2m in a supermarket or was it very apologetic asking with puppy eyes? If it was the second one i would have moved.

DappledThings · 01/09/2020 07:24

Nothing rude about asking.

rorosemary · 01/09/2020 07:29

How on earth is it rude to ask a question? They asked a question, you gave an answer. Where do all these huffy emotions come from? Nothing happened.

AllesAusLiebe · 01/09/2020 07:30

The only reason I see a problem with this is because the family expected someone else to ask you. I don't get that.

Surely if I was that much of a big deal they could've approached you, asked if you wouldn't mind moving, then you can make a choice as to whether or not you want to.

EKGEMS · 01/09/2020 20:58

@JaJaDingDong It must be exhausting being so perfect

HerNameWasEliza · 02/09/2020 07:58

It's really sad that not only are there people on this thread who think that doing something which is a really minor inconvenience to you for a stranger is just too much but also feel the need to mock others who would help out a stranger. Sad reflection on society I think.

BigBlondeBimbo · 02/09/2020 09:52

I don't agree that it is a sad reflection on society at all. It was a table in a restaurant, not someone withholding the cure for cancer. No need to get too deep about it.

It wouldn't be a big deal to most people that they can't sit right by their friends in a restaurant. Or, if it was a big deal, they would have booked a large table, if that was allowed during covid?

So, it wasnt a big enough deal for them to sort it themselves beforehand (minor inconvenience to them), why is it expected that the op should have the inconvenience of moving, minor as it was? If the benefit is only for one party and the other party is the one being inconvenienced, it is fair enough for them to say no. Add to that the inconvenience to the restaurant, as outlined up thread and these people who couldn't be bothered inconveniencing themselves in the slightest to accommodate their whims, are inconveniencing innocent bystanders.

So, if we really do want to get all deep and "oh what a sad world we live in, tut, tut, tut", I would direct the ire at the table for ten lot, personally.

And virtue signalling is rife on MN. All the I'm just too kind / honest / selfless to do what you would do Halo. It is a bit irksome and sometimes amusing. Not talking about this thread in particular, but just in response to the "to mock people who are Kinder Than You" comment.

Mustbeme124 · 02/09/2020 10:38

A complete non issue. I can’t believe people get so offended over nothing. There are bigger issues on the world yet you feel the need to start a thread on the internet because god forbid someone asked you to move. I wouldn’t waste the headspace even thinking about it, move on.

TorgosPizza · 02/09/2020 11:08

They were rude, and I'd be unhappy to be asked. I wouldn't bother strangers seated at a table unless it was absolutely necessary, and I'd appreciate if others would extend the same courtesy to me.

HerNameWasEliza · 02/09/2020 20:19

Accusations of virtue signally are so overused it's ridiculous. It's an easy way to attempt to ignore any argument which suggests that others could perhaps put themselves out a bit more for our fellow humans. Honestly no it's not comparable to witholding a cure for cancer but if we do fuck all for others we can't complain when they do fuck all for us - but people do.

BigBlondeBimbo · 02/09/2020 20:27

Accusations of virtue signally are so overused it's ridiculous

Yes these accusations happen a lot, but an accusation being well used doesn't mean it is inaccurate.

It's an easy way to attempt to ignore any argument which suggests that others could perhaps put themselves out a bit more for our fellow humans

No, I explained already why I personally think that, if we have to get deep about it and the end of humanity, I personally believe the table for ten were still in the wrong. So, it isn't lazy thinking, just a difference of opinion. I actually think what is lazy and frankly a little unhealthy, is that people instantly side against the op in these sorts of situations, because they are an easy target.

Honestly no it's not comparable to witholding a cure for cancer but if we do fuck all for others we can't complain when they do fuck all for us - but people do.

Nobody in their right mind is complaining that people aren't ready to leap out of their seats because I fancy sitting near my mates for lunch out. Honestly, if nobody ever does this for me until the day I die, I'll be grand, thanks.

HerNameWasEliza · 02/09/2020 21:52

Why on earth would you assume that people 'instantly side against the OP' just because they don't agree with you? Nobody suggested anyone should leap. Why do you feel the need to use such dramatic language? Clearly your life will not be ruined if people won't move so you can enjoy lunch with your family/ friends but way to miss the point - its about helping others in big and small ways. If you only help in the big ways that's sad.

You have mis-used the idea of virtue signaling here. To call other's opinions that means you ae accusing them of just saying things to demonstrate their moral character. You seem to be unable to comprehend the idea that others really would just have moved table if they were able to without significantly impacting themselves. Not sure why it is so hard for you to believe that people genuinely will do that for others.

BigBlondeBimbo · 02/09/2020 22:10

Tbh @HerNameWasEliza, you are being a bit aggressive and overly confrontational. Too much for me, over such a trivial thread really.

So, I'll say good night and best wishes SmileBrew.

HerNameWasEliza · 02/09/2020 22:22

We can agree to disagree @BigBlondeBimbo but I don't think I've been aggressive. I have just objected to you using dramatic language and using accusations of virtue signalling when others don't agree with you. Now I think you are also using accusations of aggressive to push away opinions that aren't the same as yours.

ILoveFood87 · 02/09/2020 22:25

They were being rude to ask. I'd have most definately said no.

BigBlondeBimbo · 02/09/2020 22:25

Ok Eliza! Goodbye now. All the best Smile.

ClutterbuckFarm · 02/09/2020 22:33

BigBlondeBimbo is on the money.

Noidea2114 · 02/09/2020 22:50

Typically MN replies.
I wouldn't of moved either.

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