To be hurt by this?

[hellosun20]

I have been friends with her for 20 years and she was one of my bridesmaids. We aren't as close as we used to be but talk every few days and meet up every couple of months.

DS's birthday was a few weeks ago and she didn't send him a card or present. I'm less bothered by the present but the fact that she didn't even get him a card has really upset me.

I must add that they are going through fertility issues of which I've been nothing but supportive ( at one point I was the only person who knew about it) so I understand that children are a sore subject for her but to not even send a card seems so mean to me.

Am I being overly sensitive about this or should I be pissed off with her?

Reverse?

I would never have expected cards from my mum's friends.

I don't send cards to children of my friends, and my friends have never sent cards to my children.

Are you normally card senders?

I do understand why you’re hurt but I think it’s something to have a whine about to DP and then completely shrug it off.

What does your child think about it? Did they notice?

I think you should let it go. She could have forgotten his birthday. She could be devastated over something. She could be busy. She could think she doesn’t want to keep sending birthday cards to her friends children. The thing is - you really don’t know. I wouldn’t ruin a good friendship over something so small. Did your DS even notice?

It depends if you're all into that sort of thing.
I don't send any birthday cards to my friends' kids. In all honesty, I vaguely know to the month when their birthdays are but that's all. They are my best friends since we met in 1984.

I would not send birthday cards to friends children.

I don’t have children but I did not get cards from my parents friend when I was a child.

People are limiting their high street shopping trips. I would consider this an unnecessary trip even if I usually bought cards for friends’ children.

The only friends that send my kids a card and a present are friends from baby groups or school if their kids come to the birthday party.
Other than that it’s just family.

Overly sensitive

I think you’re being sensitive. It’s not very common to send cards to the kids of your friends so can easily see how she would forget, particularly when there is so much going on in the world anyway and she has her own personal struggles. Really think this is one to just let go.

I sent cards to some of my friends children when they were younger.
Embarrassingly, one family I always remembered one birthday because it was close to my own, but forgot the other childs - and there comes a point when you start seeing the friend on their own again and less often with children - and then stop the card sending.
I also replaced birthday cards with taking a book or stickers when I went over - kept them occupied and I got to spend more quality time with parents.

You don't say how old the child is, but once they start having friends of their own from school, etc, cards from parents' friends, particularly if they don't see them often, become less relevant.
Also as more and more friends have children, becomes more of an onerous task to buy for them all.

Is she particularly close to your child? Do they have their own relationship?
None of my friends have ever sent ds a card or birthday present, I'd never expect them to.

I'd assume she'd forgot.

@TheHappyHerbivore

I think you’re being sensitive. It’s not very common to send cards to the kids of your friends so can easily see how she would forget, particularly when there is so much going on in the world anyway and she has her own personal struggles. Really think this is one to just let go.

This is pretty much what I was going to post!

I only do cards and gifts for children in my family. It never occurred to me that people would exchange them for friends children.

Honestly, cards don't matter from mum's friend. Really, who cares?

Am I meant to be sending cards to my friends' children? I'm not friends with the child, it would have never occurred to me to do this. I guess if she usually does then it might seem odd to you ... but I would put it down to her having other things going on in her world and she forgot rather than being hurt by it.

I think you’re being over sensitive. A happy birthday to my post about it on FB is all I would expect.

I forget even my DH’s goddaughter 😳

Actually I wouldn’t even expect that but it would suffice is what I mean.

I didn’t think it’s was widely expected to get friend’s children cards or gifts...

I do for one of my closest friend’s little ones but she always tells me off and says I shouldn’t. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who does.

Was it a 1st birthday? I think that’s the only time it could possibly be seen as ok to be a tiny bit peeved but even then...it’s sort of entitled!

Definitely overly sensitive. I only send a card to my nephews and nieces and to be honest I’m sure I’ve probably missed a few birthdays over the years. She’s going through her own personal problems, a card for a friend’s child would be the last thing on my mind, I think a card for the friend’s birthday could quite easily get missed too in her situation.

You should not be having an issue about a card not being sent to your son, there could be many reasons why your friend didn't send one, but I would not be looking for any reasons for a non show of a birthday card, just forget it now.

I can barely remember friends' children's names. let alone birthdays. Why would anyone really be interested?

Thanks for your replies.

He's only 2 so obviously doesn't have a clue. I think I am upset because I have seen her/talked to her about her sending things to other children and I know she's not so close to them.

Yes we are card people and I have made a real effort to support her through some tough times despite her not seeming bothered about DS. I understand it's complicated for her and don't expect her to be that interested but she's only seen him a handful of times since he was born which I think is partly where the frustration comes from.

When I was growing up I often got cards from my mum's friends so that's probably about managing my expectations!