To be hurt by this?

[hellosun20]

I have been friends with her for 20 years and she was one of my bridesmaids. We aren't as close as we used to be but talk every few days and meet up every couple of months.

DS's birthday was a few weeks ago and she didn't send him a card or present. I'm less bothered by the present but the fact that she didn't even get him a card has really upset me.

I must add that they are going through fertility issues of which I've been nothing but supportive ( at one point I was the only person who knew about it) so I understand that children are a sore subject for her but to not even send a card seems so mean to me.

Am I being overly sensitive about this or should I be pissed off with her?

I would find it a bit strange if she usually sends cards, but I'd never say anything and would just think that with the IVF treatment she found it difficult to send cards.

My friend and I always exchange cards and send each other's DC cards. This is a friend I've known since 1978.

Do people even send cards nowadays? Not environmentally friendly and all that? I can barely keep up with my day to day appointments....wouldn't be able to remember my friend's children's birthdays and wouldn't care if they didn't remember my child's!

A card for a 2 year old? So it’s really a card for you. 🤨

Bizarre your so wound up about a two year old not receiving a card from a woman he barely knows. Just because she’s your friend doesn’t mean she has to be his.

i do send my best friends ds a card every year ive known her for 30 years

I think everything is a bit up in the air with Covid at the moment and it’s easy for things to slip through the net. If she is normally a great friend I’d let this go.

This is a strange time for people OP, and niceties like cards aren't at the forefront of everyone's mind. But having said that I don't think I have sent a card to a friend's child apart from their first birthday (if I remember) or if I am seeing them specifically for their birthday. And nor have they sent one to mine - and I've never given it a second thought!

I'm not a card sender in general, and my friends are lucky to get a card on their own birthday, let along their children: and my sense amongst various parent groups would be that is pretty normal. You know she has struggled with infertility so friends kids 'birth'days may be challenging, we are in the middle of a global pandemic - impacting people in many, many ways: it's definitely an occasion to let this one go, totally and utterly. Take a deep breath and forget it. Maybe briefly mention your ds's birthday next time you talk - she'll either apologies hugely that she forgot it (and will make a note for next year) or slide over, in which case move on and accept that kids presents/cards isn't how your friendship is going to work. Honestly, it means nothing about YOUR friendship and how much that is valued, so don't make it about that.

Oh god cards. Some people hold a lot of stock by them and I wish they bloody didn’t. My brain can’t deal with their need for cards. Like I haven’t got a long list of obligations as it is. My arrangement with my closest and similarly put-upon friends is not to worry about cards. Hooray!

“ Oh god cards. Some people hold a lot of stock by them and I wish they bloody didn’t. My brain can’t deal with their need for cards. Like I haven’t got a long list of obligations as it is.”

Hear, hear! I wish people would get over it. Talk about inflicting your values onto other people. Not everyone does what your parents did (this is where it usually comes from)

It's a piece of card that ends up in landfill. Be pleased she's not helping destroy the world your child will grow up in.

I would feel hurt I guess if she normally does, and didn’t this time. TBH though, in the middle of this covid situation I’ve not bothered as much with cards or presents for anyone other than the people I live with. I’m not organised enough to have people’s addresses written down, so not able to do moonpig either.

You are being waaaaaay over sensitive. People have busy lives and your friend may have other things going on in her life than your precious child. I never understand why people get so hung up on remembering birthdays. Get some empathy and realise the world does not revolve around your child!

Maybe she's just been having a think about her priorities (like lots of people) and decided that she's not doing zillions of cards each year anymore. Cards are a right faff, and expensive, to those who aren't that bothered about them.

No it wouldn't bother me.

Lifes pretty shit right now for everyone, let alone having fertility issues, thats pretty consuming on its own.

It's really not that much of a big deal.