Before I lose my shit AIBU?

[gottobe]

I've been unwell for the last few days. I live with DP and two DC age 13&14.
First day of illness I needed to just rest. I ended up having to go out in the pouring rain to get stuff. DP was wfh. He was in a major arse because his job is stressful - fair enough. Not once did anyone come and see if I was ok, needed a drink anything. DP stood and made himself a drink in front of me and never once asked would I like one. DP is usually kind and caring and I feel like I've seen another side to him. He's done a few minor household chores but that's it. And I'm expected to be pissing myself with glee over this. The DC have done nothing apart from leave random crap all over the place that no one else is going to clear up, rubbish not in the bin, dishes not in the sink.

I'm on the verge of absolutely losing my shit I feel like that's my importance in this house be here to carry everyone else. Yet when I need it I get jack. If anyone else is unwell I'm looking after them and making sure they're ok.

It's a nightmare with teens. They need to make the switch from dependent to semi adult and that means realising there is work to be done. Mums losing their shit can be a fast track to that realisation so I don't think it would be that bad if you were to point out to them what you have said here. Also your DP needs a bloody good talking to imo

I hope you feel better soon😘. My lot are terrible nurses too and am left mostly to fend for myself if I'm not well (thankfully that doesnt happen so much).
I can get caught in doing everything round the house even though my teens have their own jobs to do. I find a good rant, freak out gets through quicker than asking nicely unfortunately

Just go and be ill, no need to martyr, pack yourself off with supplies and stay in bed.

Then, when you are better, stay in bed for an additional day recovery.

After this, issue instructions - is the downstairs tidy? Sides clear? Bins out? Washing done?

Do not leave the bed, you are weak.

If the kitchen/lounge is a bomb site when you see it- just mutter oh dear, and toddle straight back to bed.

Any request - the stock response is no, I can't manage it, I'm ill.

Lose your shit.
Emerge from your pit when they are all corralled in one room and tell them you are really disappointed in them; tell them why; tell them they all need to clear up after themselves and ensure you don’t come back down to an untidy, dirty house.
Then flounce off back to bed.
YANBU

It’s super hard right now in general - have similar situation to yours - teens sometimes need help seeing outside their own needs and wants - I put together a job/errand/task list at beginning of covid - by daily task by day and signed everyone up to different things - feed dog, set table, take out bins, do dishes, walk dog, change cat litter, mop floor, Recycling, etc etc - everyone is allocated same amount of tasks each day - zero tolerance for not doing their tasks and pulling weight - it’s been much better since then as I now don’t feel like a slave / maid / invisible and they have discovered how much work it takes to keep things running - not perfect but better than before

13 and 14 years olds should know this shit OP, they're now babies any more, and your DP is another matter.

I'd lose my shit tbh.

All good things must come to an end of course, but by then you will be hopefully well rested, in good health and pissed off at their effort - rather than ill, knackered and resentful.

I always save screaming harpy for the times I truly need to lose my shit

Lose your shit OP. Nothing else for it. Then take yourself off to bed and stay there.

And by everyone I mean teens, husband, myself - no free rides

Leave the mess tell them to clear up.

go ahead and lose it

Yep I’d loose my shit too.

And I possible, I’d also go away and stay somewhere else with the the clear message that, as one seems to care and help you, then you need to find support somewhere else.

Tbf I would NOT have gone out whilst been ill. I would have stayed in bed and ket however it was that needed x and y to deal with not having it/having to find a way to get it that didn’t involve you.
You need to learn to prioritise your NEEDS (not wants) there over other people WANTS.

Lose. That. Shit. Sometimes it really is the only to hammer the message home. Got nuclear. Hope you feel better soon .

I wouldn't be impressed either.

But - why on earth did you go out in the pouring rain when you were ill? I would have gone back to bed and left them to it, and I certainly wouldn't be cleaning up after them once I was better.

Your kids are old enough to get the housework done - you're unwell and their dad is working, so why on earth haven't they been cleaning up after themselves and tidying up? I suspect it's because they're not expected to do it ordinarily?

Yes it is difficult this transition. With mine it went on for ages and then suddenly changed.

That was combination of losing my shit probably together with wanting the place to look nicer when her friends came round.

I had a chat with mine when Covid started and made clear that now more than ever I needed help with chores and keeping up to date with everything as if either of us got ill that would be the last thing we would feel like doing.

To a certain extent it has worked. But she has just turned fifteen and yes, until they make that transition it can be really really difficult.

Hope you feel better soon.

What’s actually wrong with you? Are you able to get up and make your own drink ...

I'd lose my shit and give it to them with both barrels, OP.

Lazy shits, all three of them,

How about ordering yourself a pizza to be delivered and then going to bed? Leave them all to it.

Just go to bed. Take what you need with you, close the bedroom door and let them get on with it. Don't lose your shit until you're feeling better - ranting, shouting, etc will further weaken you (and they won't believe you're ill if you have the energy to get angry!).

Piece of paper and a marker pen. Block letters
Mum (gottobe) is sick and needs rest. Wash your own dishes and pick up your rubbish or I will seriously loose it with you all once I am better.
Pull yourselves together you aren't babies.
Tape it to your bedroom door or the kitchen cabinets and go to bed.

DP made himself a drink and not you? that is "shit losing" behaviour in our house. it is rude and disrespectful. How much extra effort is it to make one extra drink?

just take what you need to bed (or preferably a spare room) and stay there for at least a week.
feel better soon, OP

Thankyou all. I wasn't sure if I was being a princess. I don't want full on caring for but just something to show that someone is concerned I'm not well. DP kept coming up to me to rant about work/ask where stuff was etc but never once while I was laid in bed covered up freezing asked if I was ok.

I think I'm more pissed off because when anyone else is ill I look after them and I feel a little like who looks after me. But I should be grateful DP washed the dishes for ME and hoovered up once for ME.

I can't even be bothered right now to lose my shit with them all. I'm so annoyed that I'll probably go overboard and make my situation worse!!

I'd put a note up.

I am ill
Drinks and food being offered is polite
Doing the household chores is a necessity, do not expect me to get better and then do the backlog.
Sort it out between yourselves.

Lose your shit.