Before I lose my shit AIBU?

[gottobe]

I've been unwell for the last few days. I live with DP and two DC age 13&14.
First day of illness I needed to just rest. I ended up having to go out in the pouring rain to get stuff. DP was wfh. He was in a major arse because his job is stressful - fair enough. Not once did anyone come and see if I was ok, needed a drink anything. DP stood and made himself a drink in front of me and never once asked would I like one. DP is usually kind and caring and I feel like I've seen another side to him. He's done a few minor household chores but that's it. And I'm expected to be pissing myself with glee over this. The DC have done nothing apart from leave random crap all over the place that no one else is going to clear up, rubbish not in the bin, dishes not in the sink.

I'm on the verge of absolutely losing my shit I feel like that's my importance in this house be here to carry everyone else. Yet when I need it I get jack. If anyone else is unwell I'm looking after them and making sure they're ok.

Do absolutely fuck all until one of them brings it up and dares make a comment about the place being a mess.

Then lose your shit. And go around pointing at each individual item and say Is This MY mess? Did I leave this plate here? Are they only MY clothes squashed into the laundry bin? And just go on and on and on, whilst losing your shit. Loudly.

Sometimes, losing your shit is the only way to go.

'My husband has got the man flu and has taken himself off to bed for the last couple of days. I've been wfh whilst trying to keep two unruly teenagers in order. It's been no fun.

Anyway, he's just come downstairs and starting shouting his mouth off, raising his voice, calling us lazy etc. Says he's posted about me on pistonheads and everyone on there says I'm a lazy cow too and I deserve a mouthful of shit.'

Thoughts, anyone?

You need to monumentally lose your shit in such a spectacular way that they never forget it.

Channel your inner Vesuvius. Or Krakatoa if you prefer

(hope you soon feel better)

@zippityzip

Do absolutely fuck all until one of them brings it up and dares make a comment about the place being a mess.

Then lose your shit. And go around pointing at each individual item and say Is This MY mess? Did I leave this plate here? Are they only MY clothes squashed into the laundry bin? And just go on and on and on, whilst losing your shit. Loudly.

Sometimes, losing your shit is the only way to go.

^ This.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

I’d lose my shit. Then I would book a nice weekend away for myself ready for when I’m better and leave them to it.

@thedancingbear

'My husband has got the man flu and has taken himself off to bed for the last couple of days. I've been wfh whilst trying to keep two unruly teenagers in order. It's been no fun.

Anyway, he's just come downstairs and starting shouting his mouth off, raising his voice, calling us lazy etc. Says he's posted about me on pistonheads and everyone on there says I'm a lazy cow too and I deserve a mouthful of shit.'

Thoughts, anyone?

Has your OH been outside picking up all the dog crap in the garden. Still trying to wade through the mountain of laundry, doing dishes and picking up everyone's crap whilst feeling like turd?

Send them all a text saying if they want anything they must come bearing gifts such as a cup of tea, some soup, flowers, drugs, chocolate etc. Only then will you help them find things or listen to them 😃
If they’re anything like my lot they respond to clear directions but will not think of it themselves.
Hope you feel better

Go on strike. Remove yourself from the centre of organising everything. Take a bottle of water, whatever you need and just remove yourself.
Anybody knocks your bedroom door, call out, 'Sort it out yourself, I am ill. Go away.'
When you feel 100% tell them point blank, you are not a maid nor a chef and not the cleaner. Tell them they are lazy, inconsiderate, soul sucking parasites who need to pull their weight in the house.

Has your OH been outside picking up all the dog crap in the garden. Still trying to wade through the mountain of laundry, doing dishes and picking up everyone's crap whilst feeling like turd?

If the OP is capable of doing these things, it suggests man flu. Most of us just plough on through.

And even if the OP is in the right, screaming and shouting is never the answer. Unless it's a man on the thick end of it, it seems.

As someone else has already said, write a note or list and shut yourself away.
Sorry you're feeling poorly and hope your better soon x

You are not being unreasonable. It is very rude of DP to make a drink and not even ask you if you want one. And the DC should be more considerate.

Have you had a covid test gottobe? If not, order one and hope it shakes them up a bit.
I love the note on the door idea.. YANBU

^Have you had a covid test gottobe? If not, order one and hope it shakes them up a bit.
I love the note on the door idea.. YANBU^

If she thinks she's got Covid and has gone the shops, she has been an utter dick.

If she uses up a Covid test knowing full well she doesn't have it, she's being an utter dick.

I'm not suggesting the OP has or would do either of these, obvs.

?????? In your shoes I would have said " I'm not feeling well so I'm going back to bed.

DC's. I want you to wash up and sort out some lunch for everyome. Tell Dad I've left a shopping list and ask him to get it. And could you bring me a cup of tea and a paracetamol please."

Then I'd go upstairs to bed. and stay there till I felt better.

Tbh I wouldn't be getting involved in any of it. Tell them you're ill, take yourself to bed with drugs/water and whatever you need and tell them you won't be doing any chores or dealing with queries until you feel better. Also, tell them next time they are unwell they can look after themselves.

@thedancingbear

^Have you had a covid test gottobe? If not, order one and hope it shakes them up a bit. I love the note on the door idea.. YANBU^

If she thinks she's got Covid and has gone the shops, she has been an utter dick.

If she uses up a Covid test knowing full well she doesn't have it, she's being an utter dick.

I'm not suggesting the OP has or would do either of these, obvs.

Definitely not got Covid and if I thought I had I certainly wouldn't have been out to the shops or to the GP surgery to get a prescription!

You are being a martyr though going out to get things even though you are ill and doing other things. Just don't do it. Stay in bed. Get better. Worry about the rest of it when you are well. If you want a drink when your husband is making one ask him.

Another way to look at it

Why would you DH and dcs think you are really unwell if you are still doing most of the jobs around the house? I’m pretty that when THEY are ill, they can’t do anything at all and just stay in bed.
If they judge how bad you are with their own standards, they will see you as a bit off but still quite well. Not as being really I’ll and needing some help iyswim

I have just read your post. Are you usually like this?
'shit
arse
pissing
crap
losing your shit
jack'
You sound pretty angry and perhaps that is why your asking is ineffective. Don't ask, say this is what you expect to happen. No swearing just a conversation.

I think the saying is something like 'you get more flies with honey than XXX'

Try being less angry and more calmly assertive. It might just work.

When I have taken to my bed I request things by text.
Could I have a glass of water/cup of tea etc. When it arrives I thank the deliver profusely!
I think teenagers don’t know what to do and so do nothing.

Just request and thank. If you start going all passive aggressive and threatening stuff they will withdraw to their rooms and put a pillow over their heads😂

If you request and thank that also means they will see how I’ll you are and there is a chance it might motivate them to make a meal or tidy up.

Your DP on the other hand..... just treat him the same as the teenagers for now, when you are better you can have the talk and make it count.

Get well soon 💐

I announce I am ill and then close myself in my bedroom. This is their cue to do my usual AND take care of me. It make sure no one mistakenly thinks I am having a lazy day and on surface capable of carrying on.

YANBU, they should be able to do your normal and not le it pile up for when you feel better.

I agree with being less angry too. I tend to think if someone is well enough to get really angry “lose their shit” angry, then they are not that ill. Ill people don’t have the energy to get very angry.

@QuestionMarkNow

Another way to look at it

Why would you DH and dcs think you are really unwell if you are still doing most of the jobs around the house? I’m pretty that when THEY are ill, they can’t do anything at all and just stay in bed.
If they judge how bad you are with their own standards, they will see you as a bit off but still quite well. Not as being really I’ll and needing some help iyswim

Exactly right. This is true. If you are really ill Op, then why are you acting like you are not? You are actively concealing that you are ill and then blaming them for falling for your deception.

Tell them to do stuff for you. They’re thoughtless and seem to have never been in this situation.
Say ‘I feel really ill. Could you get me a drink, clean the kitchen and run the hoover and sort out dinner between you’
Once they realise this is what’s expected when mum’s ill, they may even think of it themselves.

“pissing myself with glee”... sorry, I laughed out loud!

No you are not being unreasonable, the children should be helping out and your other half
should be preparing meals. You should just be resting, sleeping, taking it easy.
Do you think we set ourselves up to fail by being so efficient most of the time, we end up being taken for granted! Hope you feel better soon!